Top 100 Mallory Quotes
#1. The most successful Subway customers, of course, are the ones who can't keep their hands off their sandwich. Join your artist in the sandwich assembling process. That sneeze guard is a suggestion. That sneeze guard is trying to intimidate you into staying on the customer's side of the partition.
Mallory Ortberg
#2. Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.
Mallory Ortberg
#3. I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful.
Mallory Ortberg
#4. Count this as a mere taste, sweetheart, of all the pleasure I can give you. Marry me and let me show you more. Be mine, and I'll take you on a journey the likes of which you've ever only imagined. ~~ Adam to Mallory
Tracy Anne Warren
#5. Long hair, for me, is actually less maintenance. I went through a phase when I was kid where I wanted a pixie cut. At the time I thought it looked awesome, but I look back and I looked like such a dork! When I have short hair, I feel like I have to blow dry it, or it doesn't sit properly.
Mallory Jansen
#7. She thought back to what Roman had said. That the power rested in her lap. The problem was that internalizing that revelation also meant decisions could no longer be pushed aside.
Anne Mallory
#8. Better to leave dreams behind and go forward with purpose.
Anne Mallory
#9. Guys who know how to use a blowdryer ... Their hair is too long!
Mallory Hopkins
#11. I think every woman in their life wants to give a good face smack.
Mallory Jansen
#12. Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.
Mallory Ortberg
#13. I love reading religious authors. Especially in the sort of circle I move in, people tend to be more secular, and I love reading books by just really smart people of religious faith. It's always a really cool perspective.
Mallory Ortberg
#14. Emotions are lovely. Even if they fall to the negative for a time. The sun will rise again another day. The sadness perhaps never forgotten, but a new day enjoyed in another way. A way that could not have been but for the sadness's existence.
Anne Mallory
#15. Ever so quietly, she inched closer to Vincenzo's corpse. Corpse. Such a nasty word. The whole business made her sick. Focus, Sophia, she reminded herself. Maybe there was a clue she could see if she got closer. "Not one more move, Miss Mancini." Without missing a
Ava Mallory
#16. The first question which you will ask and which I must try to answer is this; What is the use of climbing Mount Everest? and my answer must at once be, it is no use. There is not the slightest prospect of any gain whatsoever.
George Leigh Mallory
#17. The assholes took their toll." "Assholes often do." "That's a Billboard Top Forty song waiting to happen." "Sung to the tune of 'There'll Be Sad Songs,'" I suggested, then offered up a lyric. "'There'll be assholes, to make you cry.'" "'Assholes often dooo,'" Mallory sang.
Chloe Neill
#18. Mallory Quinn was sweet, warm, and caring. She was a white picket fence and two-point-four kids. She was a diamond ring. She was someone's keeper.
Jill Shalvis
#20. With a few exceptions, birds are not to be trusted; it is not normal to have such soft, vulnerable bodies bookended with slashing beaks and razor-sharp claws. It is as unnatural as an armed marshmallow.
Mallory Ortberg
#22. Burning her husband's bed was a mistake. Alison could see that now.
Margaret Mallory
#24. I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.
Mallory Ortberg
#25. An adult woman should not be so possessive of her own birthday that she begrudges her friends the chance to get married on the same day.
Mallory Ortberg
#26. We all know what we should have done as we look backward. Yet looking backward further still, we may say that all goes as the Wild Magic wills. And we must look forward if we are to live long enough to look backward.
Mercedes Lackey
#28. As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.
Mallory Ortberg
#29. Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, 'I'm amazing! Look at me!'
Mallory Ortberg
#30. My parents are both pastors. In the '80s and '90s in the mainstream Christian world, it was not really common for a woman - especially a married woman and a mother - to be a pastor.
Mallory Ortberg
#31. Just to lie here in the sun with great white peaks all around me and the biggest glacier in Europe at my feet, to eat from time to time, to sleep a little and dream a great deal- it is a heavenly existence.
George Leigh Mallory
#32. It's the only way I know how to deal with Conan's BMS." "His what?" "Bitchy man syndrome,
H.P. Mallory
#33. Most days, I still feel like I need to be wearing mascara, eyeliner, have my eyebrows done, have on bronzer - the whole thing! I may as well do it all.
Mallory Jansen
#34. If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care of one, it's very easy to not have a dog.
Mallory Ortberg
#35. This was what marriage was like, being able to look one's fill.
Anne Mallory
#36. I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney "only" to family members.
Mallory Ortberg
#37. "Not being virulently and overtly racist against black people" and "treating gay people like human beings" are necessary conditions of greatness.
Mallory Ortberg
#38. I love 'Jane Eyre,' and I love the Bronte sisters. I actually didn't read any of them until I was in college, so I don't have quite the same connection with them that I think a lot of women do.
Mallory Ortberg
#39. I do not have any of even the littlest hard feelings all of my feelings about you are just so soft and so normal just normal soft feelings that you're going to love
Mallory Ortberg
#40. 'Mallory,' he used to say, 'When a woman who can break you in half tells you that you're hers, you nod and agree.'
Isabella Carter
#41. Yes. She got into a right state when she realized no one could read them, though. She's setting up some sort of literacy curse. Some of the boys want to know
is that like gypsy magic? Can you curse someone to read?
Anne Mallory
#42. I have admired David Bromley's work for years. He possesses such a wild and vivid imagination and really sees the beauty in everything.
Mallory Jansen
#43. I accept that he has a past. I wasn't a saint before we met." She slid me a glance. "I wasn't." "You were a nerdy English lit student; you were as close as it gets without beatification.
Chloe Neill
#44. I have fun going on Twitter and the Internet. I feel safe and comfortable, and I wish everyone could feel that way.
Mallory Ortberg
#45. A child is not a bargaining chip or a learning tool. Your focus, if you adopt a child of a different race, should be on nurturing and protecting your child from bigotry, not deploying him or her as an anti-racist Mr. Fix-It.
Mallory Ortberg
#46. I'm forgetful by nature and often ask family, friends, and co-workers the same question.
Mallory Ortberg
#47. We went to church twice a week. My parents were employed in ministry; we prayed before dinner. We rollerbladed in the summer. We were allowed to watch the 'Simpsons.' I fought with my younger brother over Legos.
Mallory Ortberg
#48. Gabriel didn't need to look back. To see. He trusted his friend. He smiled grimly. And wasn't that the crux?
Anne Mallory
#49. Some people get dealt all the aces in life.
Anne Mallory
#50. You will be my conscience, and I will be your shame.
Anne Mallory
#51. (Remember you always have the option of taking to the sea.)
Mallory Ortberg
#52. Twas a shame a man who looked like that ever had to wear a shirt.
Margaret Mallory
#53. She
touched his hand, and he went stock-still. She
leaned over to examine it, the top of her head
brushing beneath his nose. Only his sudden
immobility stopped him from violently pulling away.
"From the candles?" Had she bathed in bloody
honey?
Anne Mallory
#54. I'm of the belief that dating "potential" is almost always an exercise in frustration.
Mallory Ortberg
#55. You don't need to hide the fact that you're in recovery, but you don't have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either.
Mallory Ortberg
#56. Never frightening her with anything but her own feelings for him.
Anne Mallory
#57. Bad dental hygiene can lead to respiratory infections and an increased risk for heart disease and strokes.
Mallory Ortberg
#58. Graciousness in serving and being served marks the lives of leaders who have made the largest impact on my life.
Sue Mallory
#59. You're barely older than me.'
'Than I,' he corrected me with a little smile.
H.P. Mallory
#60. There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.
Mallory Ortberg
#61. Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
Mallory Ortberg
#62. Mallory sighed. When I said I wanted to see you eviscerated, I didn't mean I wanted to stand next to you. Oh, well.
Rick Riordan
#64. So, that's okay. It's not like you're turning into an Endarkened or something, like Kellen's evil stepbrother Anigrel the Black.
Mercedes Lackey
#65. frosting emergencies are just as real as other kinds of emergencies
Mallory Ortberg
#66. If ye have needs to see to, do it quickly."
"You're a stubborn man," she said.
"Tis a good quality in a man," he muttered under his breath as he picked up the saddle.
Margaret Mallory
#67. But I'll admit that he's kind of offensively delicious"
"Like salt and vinegar potato chips"
"Exactly
Chloe Neill
#68. The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
Mallory Ortberg
#69. Why do we travel to remote locations? To prove our adventurous spirit or to tell stories about incredible things? We do it to be alone amongst friends and to find ourselves in a land without man.
George Leigh Mallory
#70. A gripper of a read ... Silence revives the cliff's-edge drama of those Jazz age climbs and drives home the tragedy of Mallory's death.
Bruce Barcott
#71. Marietta is good for you, Gabriel. I quite like her. Don't be a fool and let her go."
"I can do nothing but let her go, John. Sometimes love can only be given by setting someone free.
Anne Mallory
#72. Everyone wants to be liked; everyone wants approval. No one likes being ignored.
Mallory Ortberg
#73. If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is "don't go to potlucks," not "insist other people don't have them."
Mallory Ortberg
#74. Lies from the closest to you are often the most numerous and paralyzing.
Anne Mallory
#75. We live and die by our stories if we don't rewrite our own history. The past is merely what we make of it, the future ours to create. Rewrite revise, erase.
Sheryl Mallory-Johnson
#76. I love to read, and I don't believe that you have to finish one book before you start another.
Mallory Pike
Ann M. Martin
#77. You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.
Mallory Ortberg
#78. All that majesty, all that infinite variety of energy, and all we see is a narrow little slice of it: seven measly colors.
Michael Reaves, Mallory Reaves
#79. Salad? Who wanted salad when I had beefy enchiladas smothered in cheese? Come on, now. The look on my face must've given away what I was thinking, because the salad bowl magically ended up closer to where I sat.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#80. Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.
Mallory Ortberg
#81. We don't live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to enjoy life. That is what life means, and that is what life is for.
George Mallory
#82. Mallory," he said, sounding raw and staggered and touched beyond words. "God, I was so stupid. So slow. I didn't know what to do with you. I tried to keep my distance but my world doesn't work without you in it."
-Ty to Mallory
Jill Shalvis
#83. Periodontal bacteria can easily slip into the bloodstream and cause infection elsewhere in the body.
Mallory Ortberg
#84. first of all she's not my girlfriend second of all denmark is a PRISON
Mallory Ortberg
#85. Well, " I began,"I've been roped into shenanigans."
Without preface, Catcher muttered a curse ,then leaned over slipped his wallet from his jeans, and pulled out a twenty-dollar bill, which he handed to Mallory.
Chloe Neill
#86. I glared daggers at him, but they just bounced off him like water on a freshly waxed car.
H.P. Mallory
#87. Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
Mallory Ortberg
#88. If I'm going to the gym or the shops to get food, then I don't need to do anything - I'll just put on a pair of sunnies, and that's enough.
Mallory Jansen
#89. Tenancy laws can be so complicated; I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.
Mallory Ortberg
#90. My lovely little poppet,
Your breakfast awaits you in the kitchen.
Last evening was magical and I am most excited to repeat it this eve.
I will dream of you.
~ Sinjin
H.P. Mallory
#91. Weirdly, often the more I write, the more ideas I have.
Mallory Ortberg
#92. I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who "despises" having sex with her husband - and men in general - may not be interested in men sexually.
Mallory Ortberg
#93. LGBT youth face a much higher risk of violence and homelessness after being rejected by their family of origin.
Mallory Ortberg
#94. Mallory asked sympathetically, reaching for the syrup, her engagement ring catching the light.
Amy shielded her eyes. "Jeez, Mallory, stop waving that thing around - you're going to blind us. Couldn't Ty have found one smaller than a third world country? Or less sparkyly?
Jill Shalvis
#95. My paycheck is so small it has an inferiority complex.
Mallory Kane
#96. My history teacher could make us feel like he was imparting rare gossip to us when he was talking about Maria Theresa and the Habsburgs. I just loved that sense of - the Western canon is here, and it's gossipy and tawdry, and everyone is sort of goofy.
Mallory Ortberg
#97. You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.
Jim Butcher
#99. Growing up, I was always in my high school musicals and everything, but I kind of stopped doing all that when I finished school and acting became my main priority.
Mallory Jansen
#100. Your imagination has much to do with your life ... It is for you to decide how you want your imagination to serve you.
Philip Mallory Conley
