Lemony Snicket's Quotes

#1. Sometime during your life - in fact, very soon - you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book's first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains.

Lemony Snicket

#2. Very often you expect one thing from looking at the outside of it, but when you open it, there's something else entirely.

Lemony Snicket

#3. Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-"
"It's Herman Melville.

Lemony Snicket

#4. It doesn't matter if you never see someone again, I told myself. There are millions of people in the world, and most of them never see each other in the first place. You hoped to know Ellington Feinr forever, but there's no such thing as forever, really. Everything is much shorter than that.

Lemony Snicket

#5. In my opinion, children should be seen and not heard. I'm an adult, so it follows that I should be heard and not seen. That's why I work exclusively over the intercom.

Lemony Snicket

#6. The map is not the territory," Snicket's chaperon advises him. "That's an expression which means the world does not match the picture in our heads.

Lemony Snicket

#7. There's nothing wrong with occasionally staring out the window and thinking nonsense, as long as the nonsense is yours.

Lemony Snicket

#8. If Uncle Monty had known known what bad luck was soon to come, he wouldn't have wasted a moment thinking about Gustav. I wish - and I'm sure you wish as well - we could go back in time and warn him, but we can't, and that's that.

Lemony Snicket

#9. That's true," the male officer said. "Stew Mitchum is as cute as a button."
I tried to think of buttons I'd seen that liked to torture small animals, but I couldn't.

Lemony Snicket

#10. Busman's holiday is an expression which refers to when people do the same thing on vacation that they do in their everyday lives, such as plumbers who visit the Museum of Sinks, or villains who disguise themselves even on their days off.

Lemony Snicket

#11. It is likely your own eyes were closed when you were born, so that you left the safe place of your mother's womb - or, if you are a seahorse, your father's yolk sac - and joined the treachery of the world without seeing exactly where you were going.

Lemony Snicket

#12. One of the world's most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens and jacks, who are possibly the queen's younger, more attractive boyfriends.

Lemony Snicket

#13. When one's stomach is as fluttery as all that, it is nice to take a short break to lie down and perhaps sip a fizzy beverage, but there was no time for such things.

Lemony Snicket

#14. -the phrase "lion's share" here means "the biggest part" and has nothing to do with lions or sharing-

Lemony Snicket

#15. But it's far too late for us; ring, hair, letters, photographs
all traces of our love will be scattered then, like an anagram ...

Lemony Snicket

#16. If you're not scared, she told me, it's not bravery.

Lemony Snicket

#17. I'm afraid that's the wicked way of the world. Everything's covered in smoke and mirrors.

Lemony Snicket

#18. Every problem has a solution. Sometimes it just takes a long time to find the solution
even if it's right in front of your nose.

Lemony Snicket

#19. As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [ ... ]

Lemony Snicket

#20. My aunt always says that if you put your mind to it, you can do absolutely anything," Jake said. "Is that true?" "No," I said. "It's nonsense.

Lemony Snicket

#21. Sometimes, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation. "I hate everything about our lives right now, Klaus," she said, "but we have to keep our chin up." This was an expression the children's father had used, and it meant "try to stay cheerful." -P. 32

Lemony Snicket

#22. They could only stare at Esme's shoes and wonder why she as wearing footwear that was so violent and impractical.

Lemony Snicket

#23. If you are a baby, your family will sere you in your underwear many times, and there's no use being embarrassed about it

Lemony Snicket

#24. It's rarely good when someone says your full name, except perhaps when it's at the end of I have a package for.

Lemony Snicket

#25. One cannot spend forever sitting and solving the mysteries of one's history.

Lemony Snicket

#26. Tadu,' Sunny murmured solemnly, which probably meant something along the lines of 'it's a loathsome situation in which we find ourselves.

Lemony Snicket

#27. In any case, this is how all our stories begin, in darkness with our eyes closed, and all our stories end the same way, too, with all of us uttering some last words - or perhaps someone else's - before slipping back into darkness as our series of unfortunate events comes to an end.

Lemony Snicket

#28. In the vast majority of cases, however, getting into trouble has nothing to do with one's self-esteem. It usually has much more to do with whatever is causing the trouble - a monster, a bus driver, a banana peel, killer bees, the school principal - than what you think of yourself.

Lemony Snicket

#29. 'James and the Giant Peach' magnificently starts out Dahl's career as a blithe and droll Bad Uncle corrupter and affirmer of youth. Its influence can be subsequently traced down the decades in everything from Maurice Sendak to Lemony Snicket to J. K. Rowling.

Paul Di Filippo

#30. Chuni!" Sunny shrieked, which probably meant "Let's go to the kitchen and get it,

Lemony Snicket

#31. As I'm sure you know, to be in one's own room, in one's own bed, can often make a bleak situation a little better.

Lemony Snicket

#32. Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.

Lemony Snicket

#33. Ike always loved the sunshine, and I like to imagine that wherever he is now, it's as sunny as can be. Of course, nobody knows what happens to you after you die, but it's nice to think of my husband someplace very, very hot, don't you think?

Lemony Snicket

#34. There's information about everything from poetry to
pills, from picture frames to pyramids, and from pudding to psychology
and that's just in the P aisle,
which we're walking down right now.

Lemony Snicket

#35. I think everyone's parents have secrets. You just have to know where to look for them.

Lemony Snicket

#36. Are you saying that being a criminal is a matter of opinion?" I asked.
Qwerty smiled, but it was sad around the edges. "No," he said. "It's a matter of handcuffs.

Lemony Snicket

#37. We are respecting our parents' wishes ... They didn't want to shelter us from the world's treacheries. They wanted us to survive them.

Lemony Snicket

#38. One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.

Lemony Snicket

#39. Sooner or later, everyone's story has an unfortunate event or two ... The solution, of course, is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life.

Lemony Snicket

#40. Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake.

Lemony Snicket

#41. Beef. Yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted.

Lemony Snicket

#42. Morning is one of the best times for thinking. When one has just woken up, but hasn't yet gotten out of bed, it is a perfect time to look up at the ceiling, consider one's life, and wonder what the future will hold.

Lemony Snicket

#43. You know, there's a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments.

Lemony Snicket

#44. There's nothing wrong with athletics, but they shouldn't get in the way of your schoolwork.

Lemony Snicket

#45. Uncle Monty smiled at the orphans. 'That's quite all right,' he said. 'Questions show an inquisitive mind.

Lemony Snicket

#46. What are your names?"
"You know our names," Violet said curtly, a word which here means "tired of Count Olaf's nonsense." "That wig and that lipstick don't fool us any more than your pale-brown dress and sensible beige shoes. You're Count Olaf.

Lemony Snicket

#47. So you're reluctant, I said to myself. Many, many people are reluctant. It's like having feet. It's nothing to brag about.

Lemony Snicket

#48. For the rest of the morning they worked quietly ad steadily, realizing that their contentment here at Uncle Monty's house did not erase their parents' death, not at all, but at least it made them feel better after feeling so sad, for so long.

Lemony Snicket

#49. Truth, schmuth," Captain Sham said. If you don't care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the real first letters. Somebody who didn't care about dentists, for instance, could say "Dentists, schmentists.

Lemony Snicket

#50. Whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware.

Lemony Snicket

#51. The manager frowned, as if the middle Baudelaire had given him the wrong answer.
That's the rooftop bathing salon," he said. "People who sunbathe aren't usually interested in library science, so they're not picky about the salon's location. Now get moving!

Lemony Snicket

#52. Boredom is not black licorice, Snicket," she said. "There's no reason to share it with me.

Lemony Snicket

#53. It only seems scarey' Klaus said, as if reading his sister's thoughts, 'because of the mist.

Lemony Snicket

#54. The infant was standing on a spot in someone else's story, during a moment of her own.

Lemony Snicket

#55. But that's another error in the note," Klaus said. "It doesn't say unbearable, with a U. It says inbearable, with an I."
"You are being unbearable, with a U," Violet cried.
"And you are being stupid, with an S," Klaus snapped.

Lemony Snicket

#56. Respecting one's elders is difficult enough, but when they are soaked with water and have proved themselves to be dishonest, it is nearly impossible.

Lemony Snicket

#57. There's a lot that doesn't make sense

Lemony Snicket

#58. She took Sunny's coat off, and then her own, and dropped them both on the floor. Normally, of course, one should hang up one's coat on a hook or in a closet, but itchy hives are very irritating and tend to make one abandon such matters.

Lemony Snicket

#59. Fire is like greed, my comrade. It spreads across the world, thinking only of itself, seizing everything it sees, and ruining everyone's fun.

Lemony Snicket

#60. Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said.

Lemony Snicket

#61. Is the mask working?" she asked me.
"How can I tell?"
"If you can breath, then it's working.

Lemony Snicket

#62. People who say money doesn't matter are like people who say cake doesn't matter - it's probably because they've already had a few slices.

Lemony Snicket

#63. People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.

Lemony Snicket

#64. panic. "Vireo!" Sunny cried, which meant "Let's run - or, in my case, crawl - as fast as we can!" "We'll never run fast

Lemony Snicket

#65. Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.

Lemony Snicket

#66. This feeling is not unlike the sinking in one's stomach when one is in an elevator that suddenly goes down, or when you are snug in your bed and your closet door suddenly creaks open to reveal the person who has been hiding there.

Lemony Snicket

#67. Klaus grinned. 'I'm sorry,' he said, 'but it was a very interesting book, and I'm so pleased that it's coming in handy.

Lemony Snicket

#68. You're noble enough, Baudelaires. That's all we can ask for in this world.

Lemony Snicket

#69. For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.

Lemony Snicket

#70. It's bitten her!' he cried. 'It's Bitten her! It's bitten her! Calm down! Get moving! Call an ambulance! Call the police! Call a scientist! Call my wife! This is terrible! This is awful! This is ghastly! This is phantasmagorical! This is-

Lemony Snicket

#71. Are you ready?" Klaus asked finally.
"No," Sunny answered.
"Me neither," Violet said, "but if we wait until we're ready we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let's go.

Lemony Snicket

#72. Get scared later, and if you're scared now remember what Kit always said. If you're not scared, she told me, it's not bravery. And you want to be brave, don't you, Snicket?

Lemony Snicket

#73. Klaus, and Sunny had been many, many times to Mr. Poe's office at the bank, where he coughed and talked on the phone and made decisions

Lemony Snicket

#74. The dumplings had the flavor of paradise, and the broth spread through my veins like a secret that's fun to keep.

Lemony Snicket

#75. but Phil looked up and gave them a weak smile. "Well," he said, "this isn't too bad. My left leg is broken, but at least I'm right-legged. That's pretty fortunate." "Gee," one of the other employees murmured. "I thought he'd say something more along the lines of 'Aaaaah! My leg! My leg!

Lemony Snicket

#76. Even the best plans can change if there's an accident.

Lemony Snicket

#77. It's an important skill to know when not to say anything. It's not a skill that came naturally to me then, nor does it come naturally now, nor do I expect it to come naturally to me until I am dead, when I will be very, very good at it.

Lemony Snicket

#78. Very lovely indeed
- Quigley responding to Violet's comment about the view, while actually looking at her.

Lemony Snicket

#79. And Sunny crawled around solemnly biting each of Edgar and Albert's shoes, leaving small teeth marks in each one so she would not be forgotten.

Lemony Snicket

#80. If one's safety is threatened, one often finds courage one didn't know one had, and the eldest Baudelaire found she could be brave enough to open the door.

Lemony Snicket

#81. I'd worry about your chaperone. She's trapped, like a spider caught in a web."
"Spiders make webs," I said. "They don't get caught in them."
"I meant a fly," Stew growled.
"How in the world would a spider get caught in a fly?

Lemony Snicket

#82. Don't repeat yourself. It's not only repetitive, it's redundant, and people have heard it before.

Lemony Snicket

#83. I can't sleep if there's murderers on the loose!" cried another guest. "Amen, brother!" said another person. "If a crime has been committed, then it's our duty to stand around in our pajamas in the name of justice!

Lemony Snicket

#84. Taking one's chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.

Lemony Snicket

#85. If you ask one question, it will lead you to another, and another. It's like peeling an onion.

Lemony Snicket

#86. There's an easy method for finding someone when you hear them scream. First get a clean sheet of paper and a sharp pencil. Then sketch out nine rows of fourteen squares each. Then throw the piece of paper away and find whoever is screaming so you can help them. It is no time to fiddle with paper.

Lemony Snicket

#87. Everyone tells you it's all right to cry, but not enough people say it's all right if you don't want people to know.

Lemony Snicket

#88. As I'm sure you know, the expression 'It's all uphill from here' has nothing to do with walking up stairs - it merely means that things will get better in the future.

Lemony Snicket

#89. Baudelaires had visited the office of Vice Principal Nero and learned about all of the academy's strict and unfair rules. When they worked

Lemony Snicket

#90. Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean that it's nonsense.

Lemony Snicket

#91. The Baudelaires looked up and saw their guardian standing in the doorway of Violet's

Lemony Snicket

#92. In an emergency, one often learns that one's companions can be of even less help in extraordinary circumstances than they are during an average evening.

Lemony Snicket

#93. Olaf: Of course I'm trying to trick you! That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everyone runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else

Lemony Snicket

#94. If you don't care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the first letters. Somebody who didn't care about dentists, for instance could say 'Dentist, schmentists.

Lemony Snicket

#95. Who knows what any of those people or fish would do in our shoes?" Violet said. "It's impossible to know.

Lemony Snicket

#96. We both wanted to know each other's secrets, and we both wanted the other person to go first.

Lemony Snicket

#97. The rest of the place was ransacked, a word for something that is fun to do to someone else's room, but no fun to have done to yours.

Lemony Snicket

#98. It's bad for you if you never do anything bad for you.

Lemony Snicket

#99. Violet stayed still as a statue. She hadn't been listening to the last speech of Count Olaf's, knowing it would be full of the usual self-congratulatory nonsense and despicable insults.

Lemony Snicket

#100. Is the elevator out of order?" Violet asked. "I'm very good with mechanical devices, and I'd be happy to take a look at it."
"That's a very kind and unusual offer," the doorman said.

Lemony Snicket