Lavatory Quotes

#1. You must know that it is by the state of the lavatory that a family is judged.

Pope John XXIII

#2. Being English, I always laugh at anything to do with the lavatory or bottoms.

Elizabeth Hurley

#3. Your brothers have set off a stink bomb in the second-floor boys' lavatory,

James Patterson

#4. Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.

Alan Bennett

#5. I've been lucky enough to win an Oscar, write a best-seller - my other dream would be to have a painting in the Louvre. The only way that's going to happen is if I paint a dirty one on the wall of the gentlemen's lavatory.

David Niven

#6. Tell him I went to the lavatory," Evie said with a roll of her eyes. "Men are pos-i-tute-ly paralyzed by the mention of females in lavatories.

Libba Bray

#7. She refused to back away, but looked down at him as if he were something disgusting she had found stuck to a lavatory seat.

J.K. Rowling

#8. Child, if such folks awe you, then picture them on the lavatory, straining, constipated. They will at once seem small, pathetic, manageable." And she whispered to me a great, universal truth: "THE BOWELS ARE GREAT LEVELLERS.

Angela Carter

#9. The tea-bag is a vile invention suggestive to my perhaps overly squeamish eye of something a careless person might leave behind unflushed in the lavatory.

John Banville

#10. In petrol stations on the motorways where people have left the place looking messy, I clear up each lavatory I happen to have occupied. When people drop paper on the ground, and everything like that, I pick it up, put it in the lavatory, and make that room look nice.

Joanna Lumley

#11. Churchill was in the lavatory in the House of Commons and his secretary knocked on the door and said: Excuse me Prime Minister, but the Lord Privy Seal wishes to speak to you. After a pause Churchill replied: Tell His Lordship: I'm sealed on The Privy and can only deal with one shit at a time

Winston S. Churchill

#12. The object that was pinning me haplessly to the ground, like a butterfly on a collector's tray, was of twentieth-century origin and of very specific function.
Oh, all right, it was a public lavatory.

Jonathan Stroud

#13. To remember that and the white look of the lavatory made him feel cold and then hot. There were two cocks that you turned and water came out: cold and hot. He felt cold and then a little hot: and he could see the names printed on the cocks. That was a very queer thing.

James Joyce

#14. A book would therefore have a twofold benefit. First, it would rid me of my demons and perhaps save some innocent conversationalist from my clutches. Second, unlike me, a book could be left snugly on the bedside table or beside the lavatory: opened at will and closed at will.

Mark Forsyth

#15. I don't like rats, but there's not much else I don't like. The problem with rats is they have no fear of human beings, they're loaded with foul diseases, they would run the place given half the chance, and I've had them leap out of a lavatory while I've been sitting on it.

David Attenborough

#16. The guest thought long and hard and then said, with deliberation: Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper.

Terry Pratchett

#17. Nothing is really beautiful unless it is useless; everything useful is ugly, for it expresses a need, and the needs of man are ignoble and disgusting, like his poor weak nature. The most useful place in a house is the lavatory.

Theophile Gautier

#18. Arguing with a dead man in a lavatory is a claustrophobic experience.

Ian McEwan

#19. I boast of being the only man in London who has been bombed off a lavatory seat while reading Jane Austen. She went into the bath; I went through the door.

Kingsley Martin

#20. In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture.

Nancy Banks-Smith

#21. It's funny, in literature no one ever goes to the lavatory.

Tom Baker

#22. To me, a world which thinks of itself in terms of puny, squalid, bickering little nations and not as one glorious field for the crusade of mankind is a world in which to succeed is the highest indignity that ca befall a good man, it is a world in which geed men are shut up like gods in a lavatory.

Michael Arlen

#23. Holly hangs up, washes her face in the tiny lavatory, reapplies

Stephen King

#24. He referred to Aneurin Bevan as 'Urinal' Bevan. As for the working classes, they couldn't write their own names in shit on a lavatory wall. I said I thought they could.

Tony Benn

#25. Everything at a NASCAR event carries a corporate logo except the lavatory stalls.

Brock Yates

#26. The ultimate aim of psychoanalysis is to attribute art to mental weakness, and then to trace the weakness back to the point where, according to analytic dogma, it originated namely, the lavatory.

Karl Kraus

#27. It's like the fellah in the lavatory said, No job's over 'til the paperwork's done.

Patrick Taylor

#28. The bus had a lavatory in the wayback rear, which no one ever made any attempt to use, and I remember consciously deciding to trust that the passengers had good reason for not using it instead of venturing in and discovering that reason for myself.

David Foster Wallace

#29. Stairs. Gray halls. Nye sniffed the odors, separating one from another: lavatory disinfectant, alcohol, dead cigars. Beyond

Truman Capote

#30. This won't look so good in my obituary," Schaffer said dolefully. There was a perceptible edge of strain under the lightly-spoken words."Gave his life for his country in a ladies' lavatory in Upper Bavaria.

Alistair MacLean

#31. The main aim of education should be to send children out into the world with a reasonably sized anthology in their heads so that, while seated on the lavatory, waiting in doctor's surgeries, on stationary trains or watching interviews with politicians, they have something interesting to think about.

John Mortimer

#32. Look at the blogosphere - the biggest lavatory wall in the universe, a palimpsest of graffiti and execration.

A.C. Grayling

#33. I usually have about four books on the go - a bedside book, a lavatory book, a downstairs book, and the book in my study that I read sneakily while I should be writing. Short stories for the lavatory, obviously.

Mal Peet

#34. When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory.

A. C. Benson