Jewish Jokes Quotes

#1. I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs.

Rita Rudner

#2. I'm very proud of being Jewish. It means I have a good work ethic, and you get Jewish humour and you're allowed to tell Jewish jokes.

Daniel Radcliffe

#3. Jewish comedians do the best Jewish jokes, and anyone else doing that, they don't have a right to, because they're not coming from that experience. I know that's a slightly heightened example, but it's the same thing. We're bumpkins, so we can make bumpkin jokes.

Simon Pegg

#4. There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told.

William Shatner

#5. Walking into the great hall for the first time was absolutely incredible - all these effects with all the candles floating in the air, all lit and everything, food on the table, all the flambeaus were lit - it was just incredible, it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life.

Rupert Grint

#6. The four cardinal points are three: South and North.

Vicente Huidobro

#7. I've always felt that there's a Catskills comic who lives in my head and is constantly trying to get out. There's all these jokes that have been passed down from Jewish generation to Jewish generation, which I love but which I've always made fun of.

Andy Kindler

#8. It wasn't that I didn't feel like sharing. Mostly I just figured they couldn't do anything about it, so there was no point in worrying them. I said, 'A wee little bit,' instead, in honor of being in Ireland, where one adjective was never enough if three would do.

C.E. Murphy

#9. Most people think they want more money than they really do, and they settle for a lot less than they could get

Earl Nightingale

#10. I've liked being Jewish in America - there's a secular version of Jewishness there that's more about bagels and jokes than going to synagogues.

Beeban Kidron

#11. There's no such thing as a superhuman. But the only thing I got to tell you, if you take a dog and kick him around he's got to be alert, he's got to be more sharper than you. Well, we've been kicked around for two thousand years. We're not more smarter, we're more alert.

Mordecai Richler

#12. I am so freaked our right now, you could pull a clown out of my ass and I wouldn't be at all surprised

John Green

#13. Other psychological theories say a good deal about compensation.

Allen Tate

#14. My first idea of movement, of the dance, certainly came from the rhythm of the wave.

Isadora Duncan

#15. Without some framework, some resources, even your secret aspirations just curdled into sentimental bullshit.

Jonathan Dee

#16. But my hands are in the right place." "Heart," I corrected. "Your heart's in the right place." "Yeah, but my hands are in an even better place." And so they were.

Rachel Vincent

#17. If you want to change people's obedience then you must change their imagination.

Paul Ricoeur

#18. It's just what they are - they're jokes ... most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks ... I can't determine what offends another person.

Paula Deen

#19. Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot My twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts I never really dreamed of heaven much Until we put him in the ground. There is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free

Conor Oberst