Top 95 Jerry Lawler Quotes
#1. I'm Jerry Lawler, I make fun of women because I have no self-esteem.
Santino Marella
#2. I don't know if Jerry Lawler got here in a plane, or a time machine.
Alex Riley
#3. Jerry Lawler walks in here with his crown - DA DA DUM - Imperial Margerine - and talks about what he's going to do to me. Lawler, if you think you're going to beat me, if you think you can do ANYTHING to me, than you really are the king. King of FOOLS, jack!!
Roddy Piper
#4. Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally.
Jerry Lawler
#5. When it comes to Shawn Michaels, there's always a way.
Jerry Lawler
#6. Mark Henry is so strong he eats steak with a spoon.
Jerry Lawler
#8. A little sex on TV never hurt anyone ... unless you fall off!
Jerry Lawler
#9. Do you have a quarter? My mom told me to call her when I meet the women of my dreams.
Jerry Lawler
#10. Paul Bearer is so fat, he has his own gravitational pull!
Jerry Lawler
#12. Look at the attention the Godfather's getting! Kick my leg, J.R.; kick me in the leg!
Jerry Lawler
#14. Of course, the whole Andy Kaufman angle was classic. I'm real proud of that. I mean that is something people are still talking about 20 years later, making movies about and that sort of thing. I mean not a day goes by that someone doesn't mention Andy Kaufman to me.
Jerry Lawler
#15. I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.
Jerry Lawler
#16. This man can make a horror movie without makeup.
Jerry Lawler
#17. I'm an artist and I can draw very well. I'm amazed that everybody can't draw well because I can do it so effortlessly.
Jerry Lawler
#18. When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops.
Jerry Lawler
#19. When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!
Jerry Lawler
#20. When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch.
Jerry Lawler
#22. It's almost like while you are working for the WWF everything is fine and good, but if you are no longer employed by them they want you to just drop off the face of the earth and it's like you never existed.
Jerry Lawler
#23. Cena with the WWE Title, Randy Orton with the Money In The Bank briefcase, & Daniel Bryan with the beard.
Jerry Lawler
#24. Certainly it's a business and you've got to have a salesman, but in my mind, when you've got two guys doing the same thing, you don't need one of them.
Jerry Lawler
#25. Jake [Roberts] is feeling a little under the weather. He has bar-thritis. That's when because stiffin' a different joint every night.
Jerry Lawler
#26. If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?
Jerry Lawler
#27. Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value.
Jerry Lawler
#28. I don't know of any wrestler who hasn't, at one time or another, been with a fan. One time I met a woman at a match in Tennessee, and afterward we went to a little roadside motel. We checked in, went to the room, and enjoyed each other for an hour or so.
Jerry Lawler
#29. You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia ... a tourist.
Jerry Lawler
#30. Haha, you lose! I got your delicious Subway sandwich Jerry 'stupid' Lawler!
Santino Marella
#31. It's not often that you see a smile on the face of the Viper, but it actually looks good on there.
Jerry Lawler
#32. I've been here for nine years, and over that time, these people have become like my family.
Jerry Lawler
#33. You never really know a woman till you meet her in court.
Jerry Lawler
#34. Sunny didn't make a fool out of Phineas, God beat her to that.
Jerry Lawler
#35. Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the Bible.
Jerry Lawler
#36. How could Triple H EVER be mad, how could he EVER have a bad day? How would you like to be married to her?! Wake up in a wonderful mood every morning. I mean, look at that!
Jerry Lawler
#37. When I'm in bed with a woman, my favorite move is a wrestling hold called the lip lock.
Jerry Lawler
#39. Get that strait jacket that Heidenreich had and put it on Lita!
Jerry Lawler
#40. As a baby, Bret Hart was so ugly that they had to put tinted windows on his incubator!
Jerry Lawler
#41. Hey Mark Henry, where are your gold medals? We all know that if Mark Henry won a gold medal he'd just take it and have it bronzed.
Jerry Lawler
#42. There's one thing that comes into mind when I see Trish Stratus ... MANAGEMENT
Jerry Lawler
#43. What the Hell. In 1988, I was the AWA heavyweight champion and I never came to Milwaukee.
Jerry Lawler
#44. But if I've heard this saying once, I've heard it a thousand times- everything happens for a reason. And possibly it does. I just haven't found the reason that this all happened yet.
Jerry Lawler
#45. We've finally told the world that this is sports entertainment, and I think one of the best forms of entertainment is anything that's fun or funny, something that you really enjoy watching or listening to.
Jerry Lawler
#46. If at first you don't succeed, see if there is a prize for the losers.
Jerry Lawler
#47. You know what they say in Arkansas ... manure happens.
Jerry Lawler
#48. Crash Holly's so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo.
Jerry Lawler
#49. The Dudleys are going to get the VIP treatment this Sunday
Very Intense Pain!
Jerry Lawler
#51. Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!
Jerry Lawler
#52. Judging from what looks like the popularity of this classic wrestling show is that the people like what they have grown to know and love here in Memphis.
Jerry Lawler
#53. Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!
Jerry Lawler
#54. I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everyone equally!
Jerry Lawler
#55. I don't think it's blowing my own horn to say the show is not as good. There was chemistry there that took years and years to build and now that's gone. The commentary is lacking.
Jerry Lawler
#57. You lost weight? Look around, you'll find it.
Jerry Lawler
#58. Jim Ross you're a fine one to talk about how someone is dressed.
Jerry Lawler
#59. Dustin Runnels came up to me and asked me if I made my peace with God today. I don't know if I ever had a fight with him.
Jerry Lawler
#60. The only thing harder than Terry Funk's legs are his arteries.
Jerry Lawler
#61. Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.
Jerry Lawler
#62. There is an old adage: love thy neighbor, but don't get caught.
Jerry Lawler
#63. What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!
Jerry Lawler
#64. OSHA had come in and looked at the channel 5 studios and it sort of had something to do with wrestling, but they found that there were some safety concerns that had to be addressed.
Jerry Lawler
#65. When you were born and your mom saw your face and your rear end, she said "Oh! Siamesse Twins!"
Jerry Lawler
#66. Her, Me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?
Jerry Lawler
#67. Michael Cole, what did you get for Christmas? Except drunk.
Jerry Lawler
#68. Speaking of birthday suits, I think Mae Young's needs ironing!
Jerry Lawler
#69. You know, Alundra Blayze, with her looks could star in TV westerns ... if she had two more legs.
Jerry Lawler
#70. I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.
Jerry Lawler
#71. Dolph Ziggler reminds me of Santa; everywhere he goes he brings an old bag with him.
Jerry Lawler
#72. The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink.
Jerry Lawler
#73. If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert.
Jerry Lawler
#74. As they say, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation.
Jerry Lawler
#75. You know how I impress girls at the gym? I do pull ups: I pull up in a Corvette, in a Cadillac, and in a Mercedes.
Jerry Lawler
#76. Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels.
Jerry Lawler
#77. I've seen a lot of real out-of-line attitudes since I have been in the WWF and those people are still there or are getting a second or third chance or something like that.
Jerry Lawler
#78. I don't think that McMahon thinks very much about the fact that J.R and I have been successful. I don't think that McMahon thinks the wrestling announcers really have that much to contribute the show.
Jerry Lawler
#79. Being a 3-time Intercontinental champion doesn't make you a great wrestler, just like Larry King having 9 wives don't make him a great husband.
Jerry Lawler
#80. Jake Robert's wife is real ugly, but according to him that's nothing a six pack and a light switch can't fix.
Jerry Lawler
#81. Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.
Jerry Lawler
#82. One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.
Jerry Lawler
#83. The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body from being around Jake Roberts.
Jerry Lawler
#84. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
Jerry Lawler
#85. ECW stands for Extremely Crappy Wrestling.
Jerry Lawler
#86. Australia was great. I would advise anybody to go there. In fact, if you couldn't live here, Australia would be the place to live. It's the most Americanized country that I've ever seen in the world.
Jerry Lawler
#87. In this day and time, with no competition you are really walking a tightrope. I mean you may think that no competition is good, but in reality no competition is really bad.
Jerry Lawler
#88. Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.
Jerry Lawler
#89. What's twelve inches long and hangs in front on ass, Mankind's tie.
Jerry Lawler
#90. I'd like to retain Trish Stratus's services.
Jerry Lawler
#91. I asked Sunny if she would ever consider dating you. She said she would rather give birth to a porcupine on fire.
Jerry Lawler
#92. In some ways Lawler is a conceptual Diane Arbus. She's a stalker who takes advantage of situations. She pulls back curtains, causing normal things to look freakish and the freakish to turn mundane.
Jerry Saltz
#93. We just did a show in Providence, Rhode Island, and we got three puppy shots before we even got on the air, which was great. Although sometimes you get flashed by some puppies that you'd rather not see. They're more like mongrels.
Jerry Lawler
#94. It used to be that Shamrock was the world's most dangerous man, but now Shamrock is the world's most dangerous speedbump.
Jerry Lawler
#95. If Mark Henry was the Titanic, the iceberg would've sank!
Jerry Lawler
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