Top 74 Janet Evanovich Stephanie Quotes
#1. Ranger was grinning. "Somebody beat the shit out of this guy before he got shot."
"That would be me."I said.
"Babe,"Ranger said, the grin widening.
Janet Evanovich
#4. All my adult life I've hidden behind mascara. And if I'm really insecure, I add eyeliner. (Stephanie, Chapter 10)
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#5. Remember, so swashing anyone into the trunk of your car!"
"Sure," Lula said, "I know that
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#7. I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum
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#8. Men!" I said. "You all a bunch of chauvinist morons"
Stephanie Plum - Ten Big Ones
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#9. When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.
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#10. I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?
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#11. Look at that skirt," my mother said when she opened the door to me. "It's no wonder we have so much crime today what with these short skirts. How can you sit in a skirt like that? Everyone can see everything."
"It's two inches above my knee. It's not that short.
Janet Evanovich
#12. Why do you give me cars?"
"It's fun," Ranger said."And it keeps you safe. Do you want to know why keeping you safe is important to me?"
"You love me?"
"Yes."
A sigh inadvertently escaped. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way," Ranger said.
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#13. Honey, Half the women in NJ have sold him their cannolli -Conie to Stephanie about Joe Morelli (One for the money)
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#14. Ten minutes passed before his (Ranger's) Mercedes appeared at the end of the street, gliding through the rain, sleek and sinister, water not daring to adhere to the paint finish.
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#15. This cigarette tastes like ass, she said.
I wasn't sure what ass tasted like, but she looked like she would know, so I was willing to take her word for it.
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#16. You owe me!" -Stephanie
"Why do I owe you?" -Joe
"I caught your no good cousin." -Stephanie
"Yeah and in the process you burned down a funeral home, and damaged thousands of dollars of government property." -Joe
"Well if you are going to be picky about it ... " -Stephanie
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#17. I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk.
Stephanie Plum
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#18. My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."
"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."
-Ranger and Stephanie
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#19. Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early.
-Ranger
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#20. I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman. -Ranger to Stephanie
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#21. Oh good. I love being bait for a homicidal mutilator.
Stephanie Plum
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#22. My mother had been slicing up the chicken. She took a drumstick and dropped it on the floor. She kicked it around a little, picked it up and put it on the edge of the plate.
"There," she said, "we'll give him this drumstick."
"Deal.
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#23. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk," I said to Ranger.
"Not drunk," Ranger said. "Just relaxed and naked.
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#24. Your on your on with this one babe." "Coward." "Calling me names isn't going to get me in there." -Ranger and Stephanie
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#25. Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli.
"I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure."
-Morelli And Stephanie
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#26. It wasn't exactly that Lula was fat. It was more that she was too short for her weight. - Stephanie Plum
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#27. It wouldn't kill you to flirt a little, so I don't remember this assignment as totally sucking. I'm babysitting a guy who thinks he's a leprechaun, and I'm rescuing a has-been horse. The least you could do I grab my ass once in a while.
Janet Evanovich
#28. From the look on your face, I'd say you know him."
I nodded. "Sold him a cannoli when I was in high school."
Connie grunted. "Honey, half of all the women in New Jersey have sold him their cannoli
Janet Evanovich
#29. Ranger was definitely wow. He stood half a head taller than me. He was perfectly toned muscle, and he had classic Latino good looks. He always smelled great. He dressed only in black. His eyes were dark. His hair was dark. His life was dark. Ranger had lots of secrets.
Janet Evanovich
#30. There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.
Janet Evanovich
#31. I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said.
I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.
Janet Evanovich
#32. Stephanie Plum: Do you have your stun gun and pepper sray?
Lula: Does a chicken have a pecker? I could invade Bulgaria with the shit i've got in my handbag.
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#33. He [Ranger] peeled my [Stephanie] clothes off and wrangled me into bed. And then suddenly he was inside me. He once told me that time spent with him would ruin me for all other men. When he said it, I thought it was an outrageous threat. I no longer though it outrageous.
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#35. In spite of all the sparring that went on between us, I sort of liked Morelli. Good judgment told me to stand clear of him, but then I've never been a slave to good judgment.
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#36. My mother slapped her forehead and rolled her eyes. Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie, what are you thinking of? This is no kind of work for a nice young lady.
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#37. It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful.
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#38. Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap
cheat sheet.
Janet Evanovich
#39. Last time you called me late at night you were naked and chained to your shower curtain rod. I hope this isn't going to be disappointing.
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#40. Morelli grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me to him, and kissed me.
It was a great kiss, but I didn't know what the heck it meant. It seemed to me a breaking up kiss would have had less tongue.
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#43. Were really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way.
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#44. I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?
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#45. It was M-m-moe and Shorty," I said. "Damn, I can't stop
shaking."
"Adrenaline burn-off," Ranger said. "It's normal."
"Why aren't you sh-sh-shaking?"
"I'm not normal.
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#47. You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet.
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#48. Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?
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#49. Joe" I said. "It's Stephanie."
"Does this involve death?"
"Not yet."
"Does this involve sex?"
"Not yet."
"I can't imagine why else you'd be calling me.
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#50. Ranger clicked his penlight on. "Hang onto me if you can't see."
I curled my hand into the back of his cargo pants just above his gun belt. "I'm good to go."
He was still for a beat. "You could have held on to my jacket," he said.
"Would you rather I do that?"
"No. Not even a little.
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#51. Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this. - Morelli
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#52. If I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead!
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#53. Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.
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#54. I had dinner at your parents' house three days ago and once a week is my limit. Joe to Stephanie.
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#55. My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.
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#56. I've noticed you only speak ghetto half of the time." - Stephanie
"I'm multi-lingual," Rancher said.
I followed him to the door, feeling jealous, wishing I knew a second language.
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#57. One minute I was having a day like any other , and then Whack an this guy didn't have no head Lula Finger Lickin 15
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#58. Does your mother know that you're carrying a gun? I'm going to tell her. I'm going to call and tell her right now.
She sent me a look of utter disgust and slammed the front door. I was 30-year-old and Mrs Morelli was going to tell my mother on me. Only in the burgh.
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#59. You're a magnet for mess. I've never seen anything like it.
Lula to Stephanie
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#60. [Stephanie Plum]Jeez. No True Love
[Grandma Mazur] There's always been true love, but in my day, you either talked yourself into thinking you had it, or you talked yourself into thinking you didn't need it.
Janet Evanovich
#61. Next time I fall in love it's going to be with someone who isn't an expert in fibbing."
"You're in love with me?"
"You didn't know that?"
"I did, but it's nice to hear."
"Scares the hell out of me.
Janet Evanovich
#62. As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. "That's a rocket launcher!" "Yep," Lula said. "It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects.
Janet Evanovich
#63. Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different.
Stephanie Plum
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#64. You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you."
"You are such a cop."
"Tell me about it.
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#65. It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.
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#66. You can relax. I am not here to collect on the deal"
I blinked. "You are not? Then why did you drop your gun belt?"
"I am tired. I wanted to sit and the belt is uncomfortable."
"Oh."
He smiled. "Disappointed?"
"No." Liar, liar, pants on fire.
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#67. [Stephanie] That's not the point. I can't just let monkeys loose in Trenton.
[Lula] Why not? There's all kinds of crazy shit loose in Trenton.
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#68. I don't believe this," Morelli yelled. "I don't fucking believe this. What do you do, sit in bed at night and think about ways to fuck up my life?
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#69. I rolled my eyes so far into the back of my head I saw myself Thinking- Stephanie Plum High Five
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#70. You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills," I said.
"I just enter. I don't usually break."
"You broke down Pitch's door."
"Lost my temper."
-Ranger and Stephanie
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#71. Do you have someone watching her house?" (Stephanie)
"That kind of surveillance only happens in the movies. We're so underbudgeted we're one step away from
holding bake sales to pay for toilet paper. (Morelli)
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#72. There's a small possibility that I might be a murder suspect
Stephanie
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#73. My sex life is okay."
"Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner.
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#74. You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?" ~ Morelli
Janet Evanovich
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