Humorous Holiday Quotes

#1. I distrust those people who knew so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. Susan D. Anthony

John Ortberg

#2. Well you can be sure I'd stop forcing the poor Jews to tart up their humble little temple dedication anniversary into some corn-fed whore of a holiday to compete with our super-slut three-titted Christmas.

Augusten Burroughs

#3. Intellectual liberty [is] the right to think right and the right to think wrong. Thought is the means by which we endeavor to arrive at truth.

Robert Green Ingersoll

#4. I went to a comprehensive school and didn't go to university.

Kenneth Branagh

#5. We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly.

Dave Barry

#6. The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog Eater.

Mike Harding

#7. Sight. He was trying to speak to her. She leaned in

Chanda Hahn

#8. Anything from 1-0 to 2-0 would be a nice result.

Bobby Robson

#9. There is no greater terror than the fear of death. But, as a Christian, you are learning to die daily. Thus, when the actual time comes for your spirit to leave your body, you will have already gained the victory over its sting.

Alicia A. Willis

#10. To those who much has been given, much is expected.

Don Meyer

#11. I have been attacked by crows and men with grotesque faces; I have been set on fire by the boy who almost threw me off a ledge; I have almost drowned - twice - and this> is what I can't cope with? This is the fear I have no solutions for - a boy I like, who wants to ... have sex with me?

Veronica Roth

#12. I can have oodles of charm when I want to.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

#13. I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror.

Flann O'Brien

#14. It was His gentle voice who called
and sent His angel pain to guide me,
through the long 'n dusty corridors,
and empty hallways of my soul.

David W. Earle