Top 73 Humor And Wit Quotes
#1. I think hip-hop does a very good job of infusing comedy and humor and wit into music, a lot more than other genres.
Carrie Brownstein
#2. I figured if I hoped hard enough, you wouldn't stand a chance, that even if you were straight, you'd succumb to my sparkling charm and wit and you'd convert just for me."
I almost choked on the last sip of my wine. "And you'd win the toaster oven," I teased.
"Yes,
Eva Indigo
#3. If you have wit, use it to please and not to hurt: you may shine like the sun in the temperate zones without scorching.
Lord Chesterfield
#4. Wit and playfulness represent a desperately serious transcendence of evil. Humor is both a form of wisdom and a means of survival.
Tom Robbins
#6. On some days you get what you want, and on others, you get what you need.
Hunter S. Thompson
#7. His father was an ass and he is an ass. I imagine sooner than I should like I shall be playing uncle to a litter of asses.
T.A. Miles
#8. I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response.
Fran Lebowitz
#9. What an ornament and safeguard is humor! Far better than wit for a poet and writer. It is a genius itself, and so defends from the insanities.
Walter Scott
#10. Now what happens?" asked the man in black.
"We face each other as God intended," Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone."
"You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?
William Goldman
#12. Miss Austen's novels ... seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in the mind of the writer ... is marriageableness.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#13. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Mark Twain
#14. Worry wasn't an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed - and it worried him.
Sol Luckman
#16. Magda was reading a book by a Trappist, in a better mood, and I was sitting on the edge of the bed, fingering my useless map.
Junot Diaz
#17. Most of you probably didn't know that I have a new book out. Some guy put together a collection of my wit and wisdom - or, as he calls it, my accidental wit and wisdom. But I'm kind of proud that my words are already in book form.
George W. Bush
#18. Some things are so silly they have a certain brilliance to them. Other things, set as standards for brilliance and therefore exalted by many who don't know why, become tarnished because of it.
Criss Jami
#19. On a throne at the center of a sense of humor sits a capacity for irony. All wit rests on a cheerful awareness of life's incongruities. It is a gentling awareness, and no politician without it should be allowed near power.
George Will
#22. Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.
Joss Whedon
#23. (About a cookbook ... )
- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts.
Terry Pratchett
#24. He had three
incision sites: one where the microscopic camera had gone in and
two where they'd done the actual work, and the abuse he'd taken
today went straight to her heart. "Oh, Pace."
"I'm guessing that wasn't an 'Oh, Pace, you're so sexy, take me.'
Jill Shalvis
#25. All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God.
Voltaire
#26. Whether it's viewers of the show or readers of my columns and books, I'm consistently impressed with their wit, humor and insight. That goes for about 95 percent of the audience. The other five percent are why the 'Delete' option and restraining orders were invented.
Richard Roeper
#27. There's a fine line between support and stalking and let's all stay on the right side of that.
Joss Whedon
#28. The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit.
William Temple
#29. No charm, no humor, no wit
and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' .
Conan O'Brien
#30. Ser Arys was pleasant company abed, but wit and he were strangers. (Arianne Martell)
George R R Martin
#31. There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and
shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you
know ain't so'.
Mark Twain
#32. Men ought to find the difference between saltiness and bitterness. Certainly, he that hath a satirical vein, as he maketh others afraid of his wit, so he had need be afraid of others' memory.
Francis Bacon
#33. Life is meaning less when you realized that you are about to die. Till then, everything negative however trifle they may be, depress you.
Ankur Basu Roy
#34. Wit, after all, is a mighty tart, pungent ingredient, and much too acid for some stomachs; but honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting.
Washington Irving
#35. The bristling eyebrows shot up in mock surprise. Mesmerized, the boy watched them disappear under the hanging thatch of white hair. There, almost coyly, they remained just out of sight for a moment, before suddenly descending with a terrible finality and weight.
Jonathan Stroud
#36. I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself.
Mark Twain
#37. Remember that the wit, humour, and jokes of most mixed companies are local. They thrive in that particular soil, but will not often bear transplanting.
Lord Chesterfield
#38. Cynicism is extremely contagious, and the most pious among us cannot long endure its potency. The gullible should be on their guard, however, since this endearing quality frequently masquerades as wit.
Mike Corbett
#39. I want to take ye to bed. In my bed. And I mean to spend the rest of the day thinking
what to do wit ye once I got ye there. So wee Archie can just go and play at marbles
with his bollucks, aye?
Diana Gabaldon
#40. Grace Murphy, defender of the downtrodden! Snarking one villain at a time with her acerbic wit and pointy boobs! If there was going to be super-natural mojo involved in my life, the least I could ask for was non-sagging boobs.
Nicole Hamlett
#41. Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. I'm not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one.
Mark A. Cooper
#42. Wit and puns aren't just decor in the mind; they're essential signs that the mind knows it's on, recognizes its own software, can spot the bugs in its own program.
Adam Gopnik
#43. She wished she had a set of greeting cards at the ready, but Hallmark probably didn't make any that said Thank you for giving up your life so that me and my friends could escape! It was SO appreciated. XOXO!
Gina Damico
#44. We have ample testimony to her sense of humor; Cleopatra was a wit and a prankster. There is no cause to question how she read Herodotus's further assertion that Egypt was a country in which the women urinate standing up, the men sitting down.
Stacy Schiff
#45. I have long admired Caroline Leavitt's probing insight into people, her wit and compassion, her ability to find humor in dark situations, and conversely, her tenderness towards characters.
Dan Chaon
#47. From Lucifer to Jerry Sneak there is not an aspect of evil, imperfection, and littleness which can elude the lights of humor or the lightning of wit.
Edwin Percy Whipple
#48. Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:
"I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair cut, but it keeps on growing again."
One of the tall men looked at him with the air of a pained naturalist.
G.K. Chesterton
#49. And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of you still wants to make a good impression. On a side note, they seemed in perfect health.
Mike Birbiglia
#50. Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Aristotle.
#51. Lingerer, my brain is on fire with impatience; and you tarry so long!
Charlotte Bronte
#52. Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.
The Kinks
#53. There are some men who are witty when they are in a bad humor, and others only when they are sad.
Joseph Joubert
#54. It was rather too late in the day to set about being simple-minded and ignorant.
Jane Austen
#55. There are essentially three types of people: those who love life more than they fear it, those who fear life more than they love it, and those who have no clue what I'm talking about.
Neel Burton
#56. I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel.
James C. Humes
#57. You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.'
'And yet it is still extremely funny.
Cecelia Ahern
#58. In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.
George Herbert
#59. He pulled out a single half-blackened disc of bronze. "Money," he said. "You get it by working, and then you trade it for things you want."
"But it's so small," said Runnel.
"So's your wit," said the man, and turned away.
Orson Scott Card
#60. Some of the best work done to combat the Republicans has been wit and humor.
Julianna Baggott
#61. For the qualities of sheer wit and humor, Swift had no superior, ancient or modern.
Leigh Hunt
#62. My coping mechanism with my dyslexia is to use wit and humor.
Max Brooks
#63. A palindrome, I said the first time she told me. She looked at me, perplexed, and that's when I knew I could never love her. What a waste of a palindrome she was, that Hannah.
-Owen Gentry
Colleen Hoover
#64. I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.
Mel Brooks
#65. The difference between your crazy and my crazy is that you don't think you're crazy.
Steve Maraboli
#66. There was a party of well-dressed people with Gilt, and as they progressed accoss the room the whole place began to revolve around the big man, gold being very dense and having a gravity all of its own.
Terry Pratchett
#67. Humor does not include sarcasm, invalid irony, sardonicism, innuendo, or any other form of cruelty. When these things are raised to a high point they can become wit, but unlike the French and the English, we have not been much good at wit since the days of Benjamin Franklin.
James Thurber
#68. Wit and Humor - if any difference, it is in duration - lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently; but one is vivid, and can do damage - the other fools along and enjoys elaboration.
Mark Twain
#69. He had had much experience of physicians, and said 'the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not'.
Mark Twain
#70. I have wit in my work and a sense of humor, but I do not use irony in any way.
John Zorn
#71. There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.
[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]
Dorothy Parker
#72. I have read that there are two fears that cannot be trained out of us: the startle reaction upon hearing an unexpected noise, and vertigo. I would like to add a third, to wit, the rapid and direct approch of a known killer
Yann Martel
#73. My dad's sense of humor was direct and sometimes surreal - his quick wit is well known amongst our family and friends. He raised me on Spike Jones records and W.C. Fields movies, and his sense of humor fell somewhere in between.
Tony Visconti
