Top 100 Handler Quotes
#1. I began to encounter real-life stories of dogs protecting their wounded or dying or dead handler ... or dogs refusing to leave the bodies of the people they were bonded to, sitting in cemeteries for days or sometimes weeks. You find these stories endlessly.
Robert Crais
#2. In a series of wonderful essays, Evan Handler gives himself up to us - warts and all. To our amusement and bemusement we share in his emotional growth as he struggles to mature. I not only laughed along with him but felt that I too had grown a little along the way. Who could ask for more?
Lewis Black
#3. The relationship between a military working dog and a military dog handler is about as close as a man and a dog can become. You see this loyalty, the devotion, unlike any other and the protectiveness.
Robert Crais
#6. Women's battle for financial equality has barely been joined, much less won. Society still traditionally assigns to woman the role of money-handler rather than money-maker, and our assigned specialty is far more likely to be home economics than financial economics.
Paula Nelson
#7. The secret of photography is, the camera takes on the character and personality of the handler.
Walker Evans
#8. If you really want to diminish a candidate, depict him as the foil of his handler. This is as old in American politics as politics itself.
Karl Rove
#9. The corncob was the central object of my life. My father was a horse handler, first trotting and pacing horses, then coach horses, then work horses, finally saddle horses. I grew up around, on, and under horses, fed them, shoveled their manure, emptied the mangers of corncobs.
Paul Engle
#10. If I cover my head with my hands, it means deny the ball to the opponent's ball handler.
Don Meyer
#11. Evan Handler is not only a fine actor, he's a damn good writer. It's Only Temporary is wise and funny and as righteously indignant as it is endearingly self-effacing. In what may be a literary first, the book actually left me wanting more.
Meghan Daum
#12. Come and show me another city with lifted head singing so proud to be alive and coarse and strong and cunning ... proud to be Hog Butcher, Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat, Player with Railroads and Freight Handler to the Nation.
Carl Sandburg
#13. My dad was a baggage handler at Heathrow and careful with money. He worked hard and had three jobs when I was young. I wish I'd inherited his care for money. Sadly, I've grown up to be rather scatty when it comes to finances.
Gary Numan
#14. Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend.
Neil Simon
#15. The more I protest that I'm not Lemony Snicket, and that I'm Daniel Handler instead, the more it becomes clear to the audience that I am in fact Lemony Snicket, that I am in fact standing in front of them.
Daniel Handler
#16. Bush's life is that a fundamentally decent man presided over a moment when politics got meaner and rougher. '88 was the year of the handler, of bringing in political consultants who played very hard and very tough'.
Evan Thomas
#17. Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin.
Dan Quayle
#18. The primary duty of an exception handler is to get the error out of the lap of the programmer and into the surprised face of the user. Provided you keep this cardinal rule in mind, you can't go far wrong.
Verity Stob
#19. Technology is the penultimate chameleon, taking on the characteristics of its handler. In some hands technology is a tool of treachery, while in others it morphs into a peaceful protest. In still others, it represents the bleeding edge of freedom.
Brock N. Meeks
#20. I dug through my purse for the Glock. There is was, and I realized I'd never set the safety. I decided to consider this a great example of forethought rather than my being the stupidest gun handler on the planet.
Gini Koch
#21. By his very profession, a serious fiction writer is a vendor of the sensuous particulars of life, a perceiver and handler of things. His most valuable tools are his sense and his memory; what happens in his mind is primarily pictures.
Wallace Stegner
#22. It looks like two alpacas fucking, mostly," he said apologetically. "Of course, sometimes, the boy can't get his boy parts past the girl's furry ass, and he needs a little help, so then it looks like two alpacas fucking while their handler's giving the one on top a handjob.
Amy Lane
#23. Hog butcher for the world, Tool maker, stacker of wheat, Player with railroads and the nation's freight handler; Stormy, husky, brawling, City of big shoulders.
Carl Sandburg
#24. Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
Frank Carson
#25. Education has but one honorable purpose, one alone, everything else is a waste of time ... that is to train the student to be a proper handler of power.
John Henrik Clarke
#26. Try to write tests that force exceptions, and then add behavior to your handler to satisfy your tests. This will cause you to build the transaction scope of the try block first and will help you maintain the transaction nature of that scope.
Robert C. Martin
#27. I don't want you running around with a little banana-handler!
Scott Parker
#28. Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.
Colin Quinn
#29. In It's Only Temporary, Evan Handler confronts the ambiguities of life backward, forward, and in between. With hilarious honesty he reflects on the realization that we can start over again. It's Only Temporary is a heartfelt book for all of us who are getting younger and older at the same time.
Amy Tan
#31. I stayed there loving you, though the love made me, not sad but I guess melancholy, for a reason I couldn't point
to.
Daniel Handler
#32. I like writing for movies. It's nice to be alone working on fiction in your room, and then it's nice to be in a room with a bunch of people working on a movie.
Daniel Handler
#34. As the youngest of six kids, I grew up spending summers on Martha's Vineyard, and I was always topless. All the pictures are of me in jean shorts, no shirt - with my brothers, playing football.
Chelsea Handler
#35. One narrative, about the hated people in our lands, is that eventually they get what is coming to them.
Daniel Handler
#36. The bus driver gave me a why-the-hell-aren't-you-at-school look and I gave him a shut-up-you're-a-bus-driver-so-bus-drive look right back.
Daniel Handler
#37. I'm always interested to see what films are made of books. I kind of don't participate as a filmgoer in any kind of debate about what's better, the book or the movie. So I think it's interesting when people want to do it.
Daniel Handler
#39. This teaching job did not pay a lot of money, because, let's face it, nobody gives a flying fuck about education, but it was a temporary position.
Daniel Handler
#40. This is complicated," you said, back on the napkin, and then looked at me. You wanted to pry me open, I could see it, drag me across our boundaries so we could feast together in secret from the rest of the world. "But," you said, "no, not but. I love you.
Daniel Handler
#41. I wanted to be a comedian, I wanted people to laugh at what I was saying, not to be staring at my boobs or wearing a skirt and show off my ... I just didn't think that that was the best way to get taken seriously in that world.
Chelsea Handler
#42. Travel Etiquette: When dealing with foreigners, pretend you are Canadian.
Chelsea Handler
#43. There's tons of information on the Internet, so if you type in cancer, they'll give you 15, 000 different options to get involved with cancer. It's very easy to get involved if you want to get involved, especially to volunteer your time.
Chelsea Handler
#44. My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
Chelsea Handler
#45. I always think it's silly when people talk about works of culture taking risks. Because there's not any risk involved.
Daniel Handler
#46. I think one of the reasons it ended was that his eyes never lit up for me the way they did for classical music. I realize that in the long run I may not be as wonderful as a Brahms symphony but I think I'm good for a Haydn quintet.
Daniel Handler
#48. Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That's a unique way to cover up herpes.
Chelsea Handler
#50. George Clooney and Fabio apparently got into a scuffle at a restaurant in Los Angeles over the weekend. George thought the women with Fabio were taking pictures of him. How embarrassed is George Clooney to be in a fight with Fabio? Who is he going to call out next, Lorenzo Lamas?
Chelsea Handler
#51. For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
Chelsea Handler
#52. I don't have a lot of shame. That doesn't mean I can't feel bad about the way someone reacts to me or about something I read about myself online. But I don't have a lot of guilt, no. I've always been this way. I'm missing a chip.
Chelsea Handler
#55. My mother is the antithesis of a typical Jewish mother, she is very soft-spoken and takes more naps that a cat. As a result, I've always longed for someone to really annoy the shit out of me.
Chelsea Handler
#56. Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature - not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult.
Chelsea Handler
#57. Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift.
Chelsea Handler
#58. I don't have to answer to you, Adam said, instantly and harshly. He brushed his pants off like he'd just buried his mother.
Daniel Handler
#59. Personally, I felt terrible for telling Truth my name was Schnitzeldoodle. I still think about it. Sometimes I just have to rock myself back and forth and say, You've offended so many people at this point. Don't try to keep track now, girl.
Chelsea Handler
#60. You see failed vocabulary in the adult world so often, and it's often because once you reach a certain age you're kind of embarrassed to go look up a word if you don't know what it means.
Daniel Handler
#61. She gave me a hug and for a second I was embraced by a body that makes me want to go home and never eat again.
Daniel Handler
#62. I'd sooner go through with a pregnancy than spend a night alone in my house knowing there was a snake in the yard.
Chelsea Handler
#63. The rinsed foam swirled into one drain that always clogged come October when the maples dropped Canadian propaganda over everything.
Daniel Handler
#64. How do you think jail was?! I got face raped by a woman ... and I think I may have liked it.
Chelsea Handler
#65. She had Nick Lachey's body, a deep voice, very small boobies, and a crew cut. It would have come as no surprise if she had walked into the backyard to compete in a rock-hurling competition after dinner.
Chelsea Handler
#66. When you start writing a picture book, you have to write a manuscript that has enough language to prompt the illustrator to get his or her gears running, but then you end up having to cut it out because you don't want any of the language to be redundant to the pictures that are being drawn.
Daniel Handler
#67. I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.
Chelsea Handler
#68. I opened my mouth and kissed you then, the first time all night, attacked you and surrendered completely, and let's get out of here. I'm ready, I'm finished, let's not break up, no, no. Take me home, my boyfriend, my love.
Daniel Handler
#69. Numbersign questionmark you" and "Asterisk exclamation point the world.
Daniel Handler
#70. I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort.
Daniel Handler
#71. The right boys I always toss and the wrong ones I keep on top of me like paperweights.
Daniel Handler
#72. I'm a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you're stupid.
Chelsea Handler
#74. People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
Chelsea Handler
#75. This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places ... You know when you order french fries and there's a rogue onion ring at the bottom. You know, at first you're alarmed but you eat it. It all comes from the same place! You just have to go for it.
Chelsea Handler
#76. I find it very annoying when people want to sit next to each other at a booth.
Chelsea Handler
#77. I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
Chelsea Handler
#78. Call me later, you'd said, so I could call you later, at night, and it is those nights I miss you, Ed, the most, on the phone, you beautiful bastard.
Daniel Handler
#79. Network TV is so limiting. There are so many parameters.
Chelsea Handler
#80. If he's not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. It's boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or I guess gay. Those are the choices.
Daniel Handler
#81. I wrote Rick before I was published, and I had no vision of it, really. It was just a story that occurred to me, and that put its little claws in my brain, and I wrote it, and I showed it to a couple people, and they all said, "This is ghastly."
Daniel Handler
#82. Love is really liking someone a whole lot and not wanting to screw that up.
Daniel Handler
#83. May we generally be happy, generally be witty, generally be honest, but above all always be interesting.
Daniel Handler
#84. Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it ... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
Chelsea Handler
#85. Choose the guy that's going to make you a better girl.
Chelsea Handler
#86. In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
Chelsea Handler
#87. It is the presumed mission of all women, a quest for a man, and no amount of bloodshed can dissuade the myth. For a boy, people would say to her soon, in disbelief or even in admiration, and they would be all wrong.
Daniel Handler
#88. I didn't like books where people played on a sports team and won a bunch of games, or went to summer camp and had a wonderful time. I really liked a book where a witch might cut a child's head off or a pack of angry dogs might burst through a door and terrorize a family.
Daniel Handler
#89. I don't like speaking publicly when I don't have to be funny.
Chelsea Handler
#90. You can act, or you can't. I'm sure a lot of people who are serious about acting would disagree, but I'm not really worried about them.
Chelsea Handler
#91. Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
Chelsea Handler
#92. Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know ... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.
Chelsea Handler
#93. I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.
Chelsea Handler
#94. I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.
Chelsea Handler
#95. Come on in, I said again, and he came on in and I hugged him. I felt his arms, warm through the linen. Suddenly there was a reason to leave the house and see other humans, because some of them were good.
Daniel Handler
#96. The idea that the curtain rises on what is often more or less a happy scene, and it will fall just a few hours later, and everyone will be dead or have gone mad ... I find that kind of narrative very appealing.
Daniel Handler
#97. Weekends and weekdays, when you knew I was looking and when you didn't even guess I was alive. Even with shiny stars bothering your head it was beautiful.
Daniel Handler
#98. It's funny, particularly when you're a writer and you're doing well, you have that sense of like, "Oh! My view of the world is the one that's going to be published."
Daniel Handler
#99. Gwen was determined to screw it up, but had not yet seen how.
Daniel Handler
#100. Dark, light, dark, light, dark-I swung and missed.
Daniel Handler
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