Goldthwait Quotes

#1. Violet Lynn Parker, you'd better spill or I'll start bellowing 'Happy Birthday' to you in my Bobcat Goldthwait voice.

Ann Charles

#2. How many ills spring from adultery? First the supreme law that is violated, Nobility oft stain'd with bastardy, Inheritance of land falsely possessed, The husband scorn'd, wife sham'd, and babes unbless'd.

John Webster

#3. What's the difference between a Dice Clay concert and a Klan rally? Nothing. Trick question.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#4. Don't hoo, hoo, hoo me. There's a fine line between hoo, hoo, hoo and hiel, hiel, hiel.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#5. I'm against gun control. It's not that I like guns, it's just that allowing Americans to have guns will increase the chances that a bunch of rednecks will blow each other's heads off.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#6. Everything is now for sale. Even those areas of life that we once considered sacred like health and education, food and water and air and seeds and genes and a heritage. It is all now for sale.

Maude Barlow

#7. One thing I am learning from the kitten is that everything he is doing seems to be in preparation for murder.

Gene Weingarten

#8. Since it is possible that thou mayest depart from life this very moment, regulate every act and thought accordingly.

Marcus Aurelius

#9. I lost my job, well I didn't lose it, I know where it is, there's just some other guy doing it now.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#10. In my first stand-up acts there wasn't material even. You know, I'd go on stage and cry and read a Dear John letter or gut fish on stage. I could be odd - and it's what interested me as a comedian.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#11. La heradera del dia destruida.
(The heiress of the destroyed day.)

Pablo Neruda

#12. Because my brother Mycroft possesses it in a larger degree than I do. This was news to me indeed. If there were another man with such singular powers in England, how was it that neither police nor public had heard of him?

Arthur Conan Doyle

#13. Find something in your life worth fighting for

Martin Sheen

#14. I retired from acting the same time they stopped hiring me. But following my own thing of making these small indie movies has been the happiest I've ever been.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#15. I can't feel my face. I mean I can touch it. But I can't feel it inside.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#16. Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don't you gimme some damn chicken?

Bobcat Goldthwait

#17. The one thing we fear most is the one thing that is not possible: We cannot die, we cannot be destroyed.

Richard Bach

#18. If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#19. That's human nature - we want to completely rewrite history so it can be comfortable. Without getting too profound, I'm pretty sure that's where the invention of the afterlife comes from. "We don't really become worm food. We go to a magical place with bunnies and rainbows."

Bobcat Goldthwait

#20. If you ever see me at a boat show or at a car show, blow my head off.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#21. Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#22. When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#23. He knew perfectly well that his petition would not help the prisoners. His true goal was not to free to prisoners; it was to show that people without fear still exist.

Milan Kundera

#24. How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that's who I am.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#25. Animals may be our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#26. People fear they won't get what they want.

Ralph Fiennes

#27. Running is WD-40 for the mind.

Corey Irwin

#28. God gives prosperity only to those who personally know him and are obedient to His will.

Sunday Adelaja

#29. America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#30. Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.

Bobcat Goldthwait

#31. Fame is like a big eraser. It's strange, now that I'm famous. In my parents' opinion, all the shitty things - all the wreckage of my past - is erased. Now it's like I was never the kid who got arrested. Now I'm a wonderful son.

Bobcat Goldthwait