George Carlin Jesus Quotes

#1. I'd forced books on my kids from the day they were born and, as it turned out, it had been completely unnecessary because all of them liked to read. Or maybe they liked to read because I'd read aloud nearly every children's book in print.

Jeff Shelby

#2. Why are diplomatic cables secret at all?

Elliott Abrams

#3. Judging by the photograph it seemed like I hadn't been there at all. As if it was my camera that had been on holiday, and not me.

Ida Lokas

#4. If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

George Carlin

#5. There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.

George Carlin

#6. Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

George Carlin

#7. I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

George Carlin

#8. Jesus was a cross-dresser.

George Carlin

#9. The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.

Anonymous

#10. The best minds have their soft spots and sometimes feel somewhat bruised by the scant respect of logic.

Victor Hugo

#11. No work nor deed of ours whatsoever, no not faith itself, can be the condition of the covenant of grace properly so called; but only Christ's fulfilling all righteousness.

Thomas Boston

#12. ...when you hit the expressway to Declinistan there are few exit ramps. That America's animating principles should require a defense at all is a melancholy reflection on how far we've already gone. Live free--or die from a thousand soothing caresses of nanny-state sirens.

Mark Steyn

#13. Whatever grounds there are for making merit productive of a future birth, all these do not equal a sixteenth part of the liberation of mind by loving-kindness. The liberation of mind by loving-kindness surpasses them and shines forth, bright and brilliant.

Gautama Buddha

#14. What year did Jesus think it was?

George Carlin

#15. I've struggled so hard to reign in my temper because it actually terrifies me.

Susannah York

#16. Fair peace becomes men; ferocious anger belongs to beasts.

Ovid