Funny Thou Quotes

#1. Thou mayest choose an helpmeet," said the King to me.
An helpmeet? What the great googly-moogly was that?

Michael Darling

#2. There you are. A simple commandment. Not ten of them, just one: 'Thou shalt not eat.' (Personally, I wish the very first edict from God hadn't involved dieting, don't you?)

Liz Curtis Higgs

#3. How art thou out of breath when thou hast breath
To say to me that thou art out of breath?

William Shakespeare

#4. Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

Jon Stewart

#5. [Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!

William Shakespeare

#6. How now, my sweet creature of bombast! How long is't ago, Jack, since thou saw'st thien own knee?

William Shakespeare

#7. Shalt think otherwise when thou hast a man of thine own, I warrant you,' said the knight, apparently thinking this very funny.

C.S. Lewis

#8. A loving parent would be sorely grieved if his child could not trust him; and how ungenerous, how unkind is our conduct when we put so little confidence in our heavenly Father who has never failed us, and who never will.

Charles Haddon Spurgeon

#9. It's possible to fight intolerance, stupidity and fanaticism when they come separately. When you get all three together it's probably wiser to get out, if only to preserve your sanity.

P.D. James

#10. Nature creates few men brave, industry and training makes many.

Niccolo Machiavelli

#11. A positive mind finds a way it can be done; a negative mind looks for all the ways it can't be done.

Napoleon Hill

#12. He could do with some lunch. Especially since that bastard Sloane gave his Cheesy Doodles away. What kind of guy does that? A bastard, that's who. Did he not respect the male code of honor - thou shalt not steal another dude's snacks?
--Dex

Charlie Cochet

#13. Without trying to clear up the degree of correctness of a qualification which no one, one must hope, will be asked to understand exactly, I will limit myself to a few words of explanation to cut short any misunderstandings.

Gustave Courbet

#14. Thou art a very ragged Wart.

William Shakespeare

#15. Prithee," He protested, "if thou wouldst waiteth a goddamned second-

Tessa Dare

#16. Snaketail what art thou doing? called Voldemort. Then ... he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

Tara Gilesbie

#17. The world looks very different to me now at twenty. I have outgrown my early opinions and ideals with my short dresses, just as Mrs. Walton said we would. Now the critics can say 'Thou waitest till thy woman's fingers wrought the best that lay within thy woman's heart.

Annie Fellows Johnston

#18. You don't have to do this."
"I think I do," Julian said. "I remember making a vow to that affect."
"Whither thou goest, i will go, whatever stupid thing you do, i shall do also'." Emma said. "Was that the vow?

Cassandra Clare

#19. It would be easy for this conflict to slip off the political agenda given how long it has been going on but for the sake of the people of Nepal for whom it is a daily tragic reality, the world must remain engaged and keep up the pressure on the government and the Maoists.

Irene Khan

#20. Where in the Bible are we told in one verse not to do a thing and in the next to do it?

'Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.' Prov. xxvi. 4.

'Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.' Prov. xxvi. 5.

Samuel Grant Oliphant

#21. Pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!

John Green