Funny Opposite Sayings

#1. It is better to be a human without any gifts than a Jinn or a genius with one too many.

Ruskin Bond

#2. The more popular a person thinks he is in the blogosphere, the thinner his skin and the thicker his hypocrisy. This should be exactly the opposite: the higher you go the thicker the skin and thinner the hypocrisy.

Guy Kawasaki

#3. Of course I don't believe in it [pointing to horseshoe on his office wall]. But I understand that it brings you luck whether you believe in it or not.

Niels Bohr

#4. After all, if God had wanted men to fuck other men, he'd have given them dicks and shoved a G-spot up their assholes!

Nathan Burgoine

#5. You can be a lot more subtle on TV, which is funny because I feel like TV is known for being the opposite of that. The thing we experience in life is that things are not overly dramatic, and things often happen in really small ways.

Jay Duplass

#6. I understand a woman who validates herself by getting attention from the opposite sex. I have a friend who is that to a T ... Doesn't mean she isn't a good person. That's a funny character to play.

Cheryl Hines

#7. What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!

Russell Howard

#8. Once the audience has to use themselves to cross the distance to the character, that's what's really exciting. That's when it starts to be a discussion between the art form and the audience, and that's fun stuff.

Dallas Roberts

#9. Mr. McCabe thinks that I am not serious but only funny, because Mr. McCabe thinks that funny is the opposite of serious. Funny is the opposite of not funny and nothing else.

Gilbert K. Chesterton

#10. Well done, my love, but did you think I would make it that easy?" He

J.D. Cirque

#11. On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'

Mitch Hedberg

#12. We have actors from other films, from 'Baywatch,' and so on, and these people are looking exactly the opposite of what they are. The transformations were so smooth, and so funny to watch, it was unbelievable.

Joe Viterelli

#13. 1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

Kristen Schaal

#14. If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!

Mitch Hedberg

#15. I do see things that are funny on the net. I Googled myself the other day and found out that I was worth $250m, and that I was the highest-paid guy in show business! I wish so hard it was true. It is, of course, the complete opposite. I'm neither rich nor do I make a lot of money.

David Crosby

#16. One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like "hey, there's an asshole."

Demetri Martin

#17. A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by the fact that the opposite of what it says is equally true so long as it appears to be funny.

Umberto Eco

#18. That was perfect. It was just the opposite from what I said yesterday.

Eugene Ormandy

#19. It's funny how there's a word like overprotective to describe some parents, but no word that means the opposite. what word do you use to describe parents who don't protect enough? underprotective? neglectful? self-involved? lame? all of the above. olivia's family

R.J. Palacio

#20. Funny how his two special abilities - taking and giving life - were so opposite, but only the "good" one came with pain. He supposed it made sense; life fucking hurt.

Larissa Ione

#21. Ambition is a funny thing. It's like being a Trekkie in that if you admit to it, those around you are mock supportive of your confidence but are quick to call you a loser behind your back.
Or maybe that's the opposite of being a Trekkie.

Christy Leigh Stewart

#22. Gliding down the bike path on a Saturday morning, you whip by somebody peddling in the opposite direction and give each other a nod. For a moment it's like Hey, we're both doing the same thing. Let's be friends for a second.

Neil Pasricha

#23. [Simone Weil's] life is almost a perfect blend of the Comic and the Terrible, which two things may be opposite sides of the same coin. In my own experience, everything funny I have written is more terrible than it is funny, or only funny because it is terrible, or only terrible because it is funny.

Flannery O'Connor

#24. He was like the not-funny, not-adorable opposite of Clay, constantly hungry but in a pushy way instead of a sweetly embarrassed way.

Tui T. Sutherland

#25. I always hope to be a better person tomorrow than today.

Mahershala Ali

#26. If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.

Mitch Hedberg

#27. Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."

Jim Gaffigan

#28. It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.

Gertrude Stein

#29. Funny how ye tell people a story to make a point and ye fail, ye fail, a total disaster. Not only do ye no make yer point it winds up the exact fucking opposite man, the exact fucking opposite. That isnay a misunderstanding it's a total
whatever.

James Kelman

#30. The funny thing about insane people is that it is kind of the opposite of being a celebrity. Nobody envies you.

Robert M. Pirsig

#31. Well people love to go dirty and stuff like that. It's funny, because even really dirty things can kind of inspire, but all things inspire really dirty improv and monologues. So then really dirty things can inspire the exact opposite. It's kind of a crapshoot.

Amy Poehler

#32. I'll have a sentence in my head that's kind of beautiful and interesting, but I'm not sure why or where it's coming from. So it's kind of funny, because when people point out patterns or themes, it's the exact opposite of my film school experience.

Don Hertzfeldt