Funny Can't Swim Quotes

#1. I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

Jimmy Carr

#2. To be unpopular, you must look the part. Remember four words: plastic flowered swim cap.

Jennifer Ziegler

#3. Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'

Bill Bailey

#4. So, you invite a wild rabbit living in Italy to a party on the island of Crete. What's it supposed to do, swim there? Its little tux would get wet.

Rick Riordan

#5. I love to swim. When I jump in the water, I feel like I'm 12 years old again. It's really funny how it does that to me.

Summer Sanders

#6. We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

Bernard Manning

#7. I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?

Dylan Moran

#8. You know that's why mermaids swim around topless all the time, right? It's because their boobs are too big and all bras are C shells.

H.M. Ward

#9. I write the words God put on my mind.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#10. I never thought that I would support myself with art - everyone in the Group of Seven had day jobs. I became a geography teacher so that I could get free field trips into the wilderness to paint.

Robert Bateman

#11. Uncle Vito is going to make his own nephew swim with the fishes?

Kristen Ashley

#12. When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate ... because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.

Barney Frank

#13. Your silence is answer enough.

Nicole Sager

#14. It's not always thankless. Let's face it - it's not always thankless. I've gotten a lot of really great recognition and I've worked with amazing people.

Kyra Sedgwick

#15. Within every adversity is an equal or greater benefit.
Within every problem is an opportunity.
Even in the knocks of life, we can find great gifts.

Napoleon Hill