Funny Bad Roommate Quotes

#1. Jesus taught us how to pray because The Lord's Prayer is the spiritual image of the Ten Commandments.

Felix Wantang

#2. Oh, I'll be forgotten too, don't worry.

Juliette Binoche

#3. If they don't walk away, we have to walk away, and sometimes we do it crying.

Donna Lynn Hope

#4. Morally it may be better to not kill any creature for their flesh, but biologically, meat was one of the greatest factors involved in the rise of the psychology of thinking humanity.

Abhijit Naskar

#5. Achilles too staggered a moment. He felt his soul change colour. Blood pooled at his feet, and though he continued to stand upright and triumphant in the sun, his spirit set off on its own downward path and approached the boarders of an unknown region.

David Malouf

#6. When I entered politics, I took the only downward turn you could take from journalism.

Jim Hightower

#7. I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.

Mitch Hedberg

#8. The old, subjective, stagnant, indolent and wretched life for woman has gone. She has as many resources as men, as many activities beckon her on. As large possibilities swell and inspire her heart.

Anna Julia Cooper

#9. I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

Demetri Martin

#10. I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year.

Mitch Hedberg

#11. I have a particular pair of headphones I love so much I bring them everywhere: Beats Studio. It's perfect for watching movies as well because you feel like you have your own theater with you, even with your iPad.

Joe Taslim

#12. My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Mitch Hedberg

#13. While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

Steven Wright

#14. I always say, 'Hip-hop takes me everywhere.' It's crazy when I step onstage, and people might not speak much English, but they know every word to your songs. It's kind of freaky, but it's really cool.

Eve

#15. Patience is for those who can't be bothered with procrastination!

Sharon Fletcher

#16. Called her a whore and attacked her walls, tearing down her posters and throwing her books everywhere. I found out because some whitegirl ran up and said, Excuse me, but your stupid roommate is going insane, and I had to bolt upstairs and put him in a headlock.

Junot Diaz