Funny Autograph Sayings

#1. I love my ex so much I printed out all his pictures. After all, I need him for target practice. And I just love customised toilet paper and doormats. My only regret is that those items don't bear his autograph.

Natalya Vorobyova

#2. I was one of Them: the Strange Ones. The Funny People. The Odd Tribes of autograph collectors and photographers. The Ones who waited through long days and nights, who used other people's dreams for their lives.

Ray Bradbury

#3. Aren't you capable of a sublime gesture on occasion? They all work so hard and struggle and suffer, trying to achieve beauty, trying to surpass one another in beauty. Let's surpass them all! Let's throw their sweat in their face. Let's destroy them at one stroke. Let's be gods. Let's be ugly.

Ayn Rand

#4. I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid before an adult. It's funny, because I was never big into autographs as a kid. The only player who I ever wanted an autograph from was Dave Winfield.

Derek Jeter

#5. Spring is a sacred soul with a revive spirit.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#6. My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully I'm more cerebral than a 10-year-old ... but if you ask my wife, I'm not!

Henry Cho

#7. The man in 4B wondered if he could have your autograph. He told me his daughter is a huge fan.
Fan? What the hell? Dylan lifted himself up and looked over the back of his seat. Since when did covert operators have fans?

Tara Janzen

#8. SHIT, OR GET OFF THE POT

Rupert Murdoch

#9. I remember I autographed it to Mutt Lange, and I may only have put one t on Mutt. I mean, I'd never heard of such a name. I'm sure he must've thought that was quite funny. He must've known from that autograph, right off the bat, that I had no idea who he was.

Shania Twain

#10. You must never allow something that happened to you to become a morbidly treasured heirloom that you carry, show people, put back in its black velvet pouch and then tuck back into your jacket where you can keep it close to your heart.

Augusten Burroughs

#11. The greatest barrier to achievement and success is not lack of talent or ability but rather the feeling that achievement and success, above a certain level, are outside our self-concept-our image of who we are and what is appropriate to us.

Nathaniel Branden

#12. To succeed in life, succeed at being yourself.

Napoleon Hill

#13. One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all.

Zac Efron

#14. Fortunately, human forgetting follows a pattern. We forget exponentially. A graph of our likelihood of getting the correct answer on a quiz sweeps quickly downward over time and then levels off.

Gary Wolf

#15. People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying to make me late for something.

Mitch Hedberg

#16. I thought it was really funny that half the people I autographed things for said, 'Autograph the back of my phone.' I was like, 'What? Really? Seriously?' They didn't have anything else.

Willow Shields

#17. I didn't notice him coming, but he didn't seem to be looking for an autograph signature

George Harrison

#18. Art - my slats! Guts! Guts! Life! Life! I can paint with a shoe-string dipped in pitch and lard.

George Luks

#19. If a leg goes bad, you cut it off." She made a firm gesture with the flat of her hand, then picked up her slice of pudding and began to eat it with her fingers. "And some folk need killing. That's all there is to it.

Patrick Rothfuss