Top 100 Fforde Quotes
#1. You nearly killed eight people!" I managed to gasp out loud.
"My count was closer to twelve," returned Havisham as she opened the door. "And anyhow, you can't nearly kill someone. Either they are dead or they are not.
Jasper Fforde
#2. ... although her mouth uttered fond words, her eyes spoke only venom.
Jasper Fforde
#3. I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!
Jasper Fforde
#4. Humans are the most gloriously bizarre creatures.
Jasper Fforde
#5. The government was to raise the duty on cheese to 83 percent, an unpopular move that would doubtless have the more militant citizens picketing cheese shops.
Jasper Fforde
#6. It wasn't going to be hard ... it was going to be impossible. It wouldn't deter me. I'd done impossible things several times in the past, and the prospect didn't scare me as much as it used to.
Jasper Fforde
#7. Try to be pleasant to one another, get plenty of fresh air, read a good book now and then, depose your government when it suspends the free press, try to use the mechanism of the state to adjudicate fairly and employ diplomatic means wherever possible to avoid armed conflict.
Jasper Fforde
#9. Believe me, you're going to have to do much worse than this
in the pursuit of freedom, the innocents will suffer
and at your hands.
Jasper Fforde
#10. She was the sort of parent you would want to have living close by, but only on the grounds that she would then never come to stay. I loved her dearly, but in small doses.
Jasper Fforde
#11. Sometimes I wonder if the human race isn't collectively as mad as a sack of door knobs.
Jasper Fforde
#12. Words are like leaves, ... like people really, fond of their own society.
Jasper Fforde
#13. Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then - and this is the important bit - do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.
Jasper Fforde
#14. You're very patronizing," I pointed out. "Very clever of you to notice, girlie. Have a look at this.
Jasper Fforde
#15. The convent of the sacred order of the Blessed Ladies of the Lobster had once been a dank and dark medieval castle but was now, after a lick of paint and a few throw pillows, a dank and dark convent.
Jasper Fforde
#16. Once we were on the high Plynlimon pass, we stopped to stretch our legs, change drivers, and make a short devotion to the shrine dedicated to the once-popular but now little-known Saint Aosbczkcs, the Patron Saint of Fading Relevance.
Jasper Fforde
#17. The most favorite boy's name is James; the least favorite is Gzxkls.
Jasper Fforde
#18. Do you want some advice? Go home. You're far too inquisitive, and here in East Carmine curiosity only ends one way."
"Death?"
"Worse - enlightenment.
Jasper Fforde
#19. If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.
Jasper Fforde
#20. Growth purely for its own sake is the philosophy of cancer.
Jasper Fforde
#21. Love and magic are like oil and water
they just don't mix.
Jasper Fforde
#22. Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners,
Jasper Fforde
#23. Literature is claimed to be a mirror of the world," I said, "but the Outlanders are fooling themselves. The BookWorld is as orderly as people in the RealWorld *hope* their own world to be - it isn't a mirror, it's an aspiration.
Jasper Fforde
#24. Are all our dates going to be like that?" said Perkins.
"I hope not", I replied with a smile, "but it was quite fun, wasn't it? I mean, it's not like we were killed or eaten or anything, right?"
"If your idea of a good date is not being killed and eaten, you'll never be disappointed.
Jasper Fforde
#25. But since anagram-related clues are now inadmissible as evidence, we sent the pork pie off for DNA analysis and managed to pinpoint the pie shop where it was purchased.
Jasper Fforde
#26. She had met the man who was now her husband. He was seven foot three, and she was six foot two and a quarter. It was a match made perhaps not in heaven but certainly nearer the ceiling.
Jasper Fforde
#27. He was, after all, the ultimate rebel
it takes a lot of cojones to stand up to Zeus.
Jasper Fforde
#28. Don't move," said Sprockett."Mimes don't generally attack unless they are threatened.
Jasper Fforde
#29. They had just digested a recent meal of prepositions and were happily farting out apostrophes and ampersands; the air was heav'y with th'em&.
Jasper Fforde
#30. Governments might come and go, wars will reshape the Ununited Kingdoms many times. But companies will stay, and flourish. Show me any major even on this planet and I will show you the economic reason behind it. Commerce is all powerful, Miss Strange. Commerce rules our lives.
Jasper Fforde
#31. I hate to admit it, but governmental deviousness is usually better explained by incompetence, vanity, and the need to protect one's job at all costs.
Jasper Fforde
#32. Cucumbers are technically a fruit and in the same family as pumpkins, melons and squash, so it may benefit those markets, although, to be honest, giant melons don't strike me as potentially that commercial.
Jasper Fforde
#33. I also read about Heathcliff's unexpected three-year career in Hollywood under the name Buck Stallion and his eventual return to the pages of Wuthering Heights.
Jasper Fforde
#34. Information can liberate but also imprisonate.
Jasper Fforde
#35. Humpty had always sat on walls, it was his way.
Jasper Fforde
#36. Bah!" exclaimed Rochester. "Pixies both! Begone with you; we will talk later!
Jasper Fforde
#37. I'd been an idiot to think that this was anything but a quest. Searches were nice and soft and cuddly and no one need be killed. A quest always demanded the death of a trusted colleague and one or more difficult dilemmas. I'd been in denial. I'd been a fool.
Jasper Fforde
#38. The only member of the inner sanctum of licensed sorcerers absent was Patrick of Ludlow, who was busy moving an oak for a wealthy client eager to alphabetize his arboretum.
Jasper Fforde
#39. Lesson one in time travel, Thursday. First of all, we are all time travellers. The vast majority of us manage only one day per day.
Jasper Fforde
#40. You killed my pappy," said the youth, "and my pappy's pappy. And his pappy's pappy. And my brothers Jethro, Hank, Hoss, Red, Peregrine, Marsh, Junior, Dizzy, Luke, Peregrine, George and all the others. I'm callin' you out, lawman.
Jasper Fforde
#41. Everything comes to an end. A good bottle of wine, a summer's day, a long-running sitcom, one's life, and eventually our species. The question for many of us is not that everything will come to an end but when. And can we do anything vaguely useful until it does?
Jasper Fforde
#43. Ninjas are far more important to science than anyone realises. If we could capture one to study, I think most of science's biggest puzzles might be resolved.
Jasper Fforde
#44. Librarying is a harder profession than the public realizes, he said. People think it's all rubber stamps, knowing that Dewey 521 is celestial mechanics and saying 'Try looking under fiction' sixty eight times a day.
Jasper Fforde
#45. I think Wordsworth was as surprised to see me as I was him. It can't be usual to go to your favorite memory only to find someone already there, admiring the view ahead of you.
Jasper Fforde
#46. Fiction wouldn't be much fun without its fair share of scoundrels, and they have to live somewhere.
Jasper Fforde
#48. Writing needs to be practiced; there is a limit to how much can be gleaned from a teacher or a manual. The true essence of writing is out there, in the world, and inside, within yourself. To write, you have to give.
Jasper Fforde
#49. It's somewhat bizarre to learn that many of you think that other humans are somehow different enough to be hated and killed when in reality you're all tiresomely similar in outlook, needs and motivation, and differ only by peculiar habits, generally shaped by geographical circumstances.
Jasper Fforde
#51. My mind wanders terribly. I'm not wholly annoyed by my daydreaming as it has been immense use to me as regards imaginative thought, but it doesn't help when it comes to concentration. And writing needs concentration - lots of it.
Jasper Fforde
#52. The verses of Byron, Keats or Poe are real whether they are in bootleg form or not. You can still read them for the same effect.
Jasper Fforde
#53. The best lies to tell," said Jane, "are the ones people want to believe.
Jasper Fforde
#54. If you give children the freedom to do very little, quite a lot will do very little.
Jasper Fforde
#55. He spent his life immersed in books to the cost of everything else, even personal relationships. "Friends," he'd once said, "are probably great, but I have forty thousands friends of my own already, and each of them needs my attention.
Jasper Fforde
#56. The landscape inside Lord of the Rings was so stunning and so stupendous that it could be absorbed as a form of nourishment.
Jasper Fforde
#58. Male guilt avoidance syndrome,' explained my father. 'It's a recognised medical condition by 2054.
Jasper Fforde
#59. If it takes us 10 years to get into the shit, it will take us 20 to get out.
And the journey starts NOW.
Jasper Fforde
#60. There's more to good or bad than what's written in the Rulebook.
Jasper Fforde
#61. is a power lurking in all of us, an emotional energy that can be used to move objects and manipulate matter. But it doesn't follow any physical laws that we can, as yet, understand; it exists only in our hearts and minds.
Jasper Fforde
#62. Rotten luck," said Falstaff as I walked past. "There were the remains of a fine woman about Havisham.
Jasper Fforde
#63. Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse.
Jasper Fforde
#64. The very possibility of death focuses the mind wonderfully.
Jasper Fforde
#65. We were developing a machine that used egg white, heat and sugar to synthesize methanol when a power surge caused an implosion. Owens was meringued. By the time we chipped him out the poor chap had expired.
Jasper Fforde
#66. I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university and studied English.
Jasper Fforde
#67. For God's sake, Mother," he said in an exasperated tone, "is there nothing dumb, daft or dangerous that you haven't tried at some point?
Jasper Fforde
#68. Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.
Jasper Fforde
#69. That's insane.'
'If you look around, you won't find much that isn't.
Jasper Fforde
#70. Miss Strange?" said the receptionist. "The King's Useless Brother has become bored and will see you early.
Jasper Fforde
#71. Bowden Cable is the sort of honest and dependable operative that is the backbone of SpecOps. They never win commendations or medals
and the public has no knowledge of them at all. They are all worth ten of people like me.
Jasper Fforde
#72. Apart from the faint odor of ink that pervaded the scene, it might have been real.
Jasper Fforde
#73. The Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.
Jasper Fforde
#74. You like economics, don't you?' I asked.
'Everyone should know the basics,' said the Princess. 'Lasting peace will only be brought about through economic means - we should be trading with the Trolls rather than fighting them.
Jasper Fforde
#75. According to naturalists, the dragon belonged to the animal kingdom for sure, almost definitely to the vertebrates, and was as likely as not a reptile. Other
Jasper Fforde
#76. I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.
Jasper Fforde
#77. But that was what research and development were like. Full of semi-triumphs and perplexing unforeseen consequences like the whole violent hiccuping thing when conjuring up fire - or the propensity for fillings to fall out of bystanders' teeth when attempting to tease a rainstorm out of a cloud.
Jasper Fforde
#78. I'm beginning to think you're the sort of person who does a great deal with very little.
He meant a liar.
Jasper Fforde
#79. Don't anyone move ... I think we've driven into a mimefield.
Jasper Fforde
#80. Love isn't sensible, Red. I think that's the point.
Jasper Fforde
#81. I have a very varied taste in music. Everything from rap to classical to Latino to Rat Pack to jazz.
Jasper Fforde
#82. I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acceptable form of narcissus.
Jasper Fforde
#83. Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom.
Jasper Fforde
#84. Any word with the our ending could be spelt or, don'tchaknow." "Like neighbor instead of neighbour?" "It's a good idea," put in Snell. "Labor, valor, flavor, harbor - there must be hundreds. If we confine it to one geographical area, we can claim it as a local spelling idiosyncrasy.
Jasper Fforde
#85. Emily felt churlish for being disappointed. She
Katie Fforde
#86. Do you think that horrible servant girl will get my body pregnant?' she asked as we trotted down the steps. 'I've heard about you girl orphans having no morals and having babies for fun and selling them to buy bicycles and fashion accessories and onions and stuff.
Jasper Fforde
#87. I am boring, but I'm ok with it. I'm the anchor, the shoulder ... I'm an average man ... with a truly extraordinary wife
Jasper Fforde
#88. It has been long proved that everyone needs a butler.
Jasper Fforde
#89. For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.
Jasper Fforde
#90. Cats aren't really friendly, they're just cozying up to the dominant life-form as a hedge against extinction.
Jasper Fforde
#91. Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly palatable.
Jasper Fforde
#92. Have you ever wondered how nostalgia isnt what it used to be?
Jasper Fforde
#93. You are the best, most loving, supportive family anyone could ever have," I said through my sobs. "I'm so sorry if I'm a burden."
They all told me not to be so bloody silly, I told them not to swear, and Landen gave me a handkerchief for my tears.
Jasper Fforde
#94. The safest course was actually the simplest-do nothing at all and hope everything turned out for the best. It wasn't a great plan, but it had the benefits of simplicity and a long tradition.
Jasper Fforde
#95. Joffy had decided many years before that the problem with religion wasn't religion itself but its flagrant misuse as an absolutist argument to promote narrow tribal agendas.
Jasper Fforde
#96. What's with the "iMagic" name change?' I said without preamble.
'Industrial Magic was a bit of a mouthful,' he explained. 'Besides, putting an "i"in front of anything makes it more hip and current.
Jasper Fforde
#97. Our own dimension was coded ID-11 and was the only League member with diphtheria, David Hasselhoff and the French, which amused the rest of the multiverse no end.
Jasper Fforde
#98. Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.
Jasper Fforde
#99. If you drive at precisely twenty-nine miles per hour, the rumble strips play 'Jerusalem' on the car tires. Listen." Mary slowed to the correct speed and
Jasper Fforde
#100. If it's a chimera alert, we just follows the screams.
Jasper Fforde
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