Top 100 David Cross Quotes
#1. I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
David Cross
#2. I recently attended a pro-drug rally ... in my basement.
David Cross
#3. I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.
David Cross
#4. Our music has depth, and attempts philosophical thought and meaning with discussions of infinity, eternity and mortality. There is a line which people cross that turns it into some magical, mystical realm, for which I dont claim responsibility and dont hold any great truck with.
David Gilmour
#5. daily visual reminder of the depths drink sunk him to, so Mrs. O. had gone around with her nose bent over flat against her left cheek - Bud O.'d tagged her with a left cross - until U.H.I.D. referred her to Al-Anon, which
David Foster Wallace
#6. Hurling looks a bit like a cross between lacrosse and second degree murder.
David Feherty
#7. In the center of the kingdom of God, you do not find a gargantuan palace inhabited by an unapproachable king. No, in the center of the kingdom of God is a bloody cross, on which hung a broken King, who welcomes us as we are.
Paul David Tripp
#8. We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see ... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.
David Cross
#9. We have to cross the boundary between knowing and not knowing many times before we achieve understanding.
David Hawkins
#10. I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are ...
David Cross
#11. I'd like to think that I'm not just making the point that I'm an atheist over and over, but that I explore different facets of religion. There's no way of bringing up religion without sounding like an asshole.
David Cross
#12. When goods don't cross borders, armies will.
David Cudlip
#13. The real life of the party is flattened beneath the bed, taping actual sex encounters, not sitting cross-legged on the floor with a guitar, embarrassing himself and others.
David Sedaris
#14. One of my most precious possessions is my memory of a home in which love was supreme, in which I cannot recall ever a cross word having passed between father and mother. We all owe such a blessing to our children.
David O. McKay
#15. Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.
David Cross
#16. It's just an easy catchall to describe a style because there are a lot of alternative comics who are completely different from each other.
David Cross
#17. The Ticket-wallah, whose pimples bubbled as I watched, was as intractably dense as his counterpart in King's Cross. The Corporation breeds them from the same stem cell.
David Mitchell
#18. The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
David Cross
#19. It's a thin line between what we're calling acceptable and not acceptable. As a leader, you're supposed to know when not to cross it. But how do you know? Does the army teach us how to control our emotions? Does the army teach us how to deal with a friend bleeding out in front of you? No.
David Finkel
#20. God's love is his holiness reaching out to sinners; grace is but the price that his love pays to his holiness; the cross is but its victory over sin and death; and faith is but the way in which we bring our worship to him who is holy.
David F. Wells
#21. I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.
David Cross
#22. The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.
David Cross
#23. As far as just my stand-up is concerned, I don't care about changing anyone's mind. I'm not making an argument. I'm a guy doing comedy.
David Cross
#24. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is one of the funniest shows on TV and I was a little intimidated working with those guys 'cause you're in a sound booth by yourself and they're all in a room in Atlanta.
David Cross
#25. What happened to our friendship? I really think it's our obligation as friends to be brutally honest and be frank with them and say, 'Look, I'm sorry, but your baby is fking boring.'
David Cross
#26. I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.
David Cross
#27. I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.
David Cross
#28. While helping hundreds of thousands of refugees, Red Cross volunteers undoubtedly heard stories of Nazi brutality and rumors of mass gassings and they noted those rumors and kept an eye out for any evidence of them, but they saw nothing to indicate that the rumors were true.
David Duke
#29. I have a face that is a cross between two pounds of halibut and an explosion in an old clothes closet.
David Niven
#30. The cross guarantees that even in your darkest moment God will never turn in disgust and walk away. There is no rebellion, no weakness, no foolishness, no evil of heart that the cross can't defeat and grace can't transform.
Paul David Tripp
#31. I'm pretty happy. I obviously have complaints about things, but for the most part, I'm on the above-average side of happy people.
David Cross
#33. If you want to reinstate the 14.4 billion dollars that Bush cut out of the veterans program then vote democrat.
David Cross
#34. So all my friends have kids now ... which I think is rude.
David Cross
#35. I'm of the mindset that most people who have kids are, which is, 'Hey, I want another me. I like me. I'm pretty cool, and I've got really great ideas, and the way I think is the right way to think. Let's put another one of me out there.' So I'll have kids one day.
David Cross
#36. I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.
David Cross
#37. Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.
David Cross
#38. The church is not made up of spiritual giants; only broken men can lead others to the cross.
David Bosch
#39. I was into the music, but the idea of showing up places on time or having to tell people when you're not going to be somewhere - that just didn't even cross my mind.
David Pajo
#40. We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.
David Cross
#41. I really don't have a problem with gay marriage ... because I'm tolerant and rational.
David Cross
#42. the man was so cross-eyed he could stand in the middle of the week and see both Sundays.
David Foster Wallace
#43. I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God.
David Cross
#44. I guess the lesson to be learned from the [Catholic] church is that while homosexuality is a sin against GOD, molestation and rape, well... they're just sins against a child.
David Cross
#45. My biggest problem is retaining the exact information.
David Cross
#46. I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.
David Cross
#47. An entity, whether a person or a thing, requires the independent collection of facts about them and a cross-referencing of these facts through their digital footprint.
David Amerland
#48. A verbose, prosaic review which mentions whistling winds and the timeless feeling of jade doesn't mean anything to me; I don't need a novella telling me about how an album is like a fine meal.
David Cross
#49. When faced with a problem that looks too daunting to get through, try to remember you don't have to do it all at once. Create a calendar or timeline and cross off the milestones as you progress toward your goal.
David Mezzapelle
#50. I think pornography is the only art form where you can be videotaped on a shaky handy cam sucking off a horse and be considered a star.
David Cross
#51. I have no hesitation doing children's movies. Zero. And I don't even have kids.
David Cross
#52. I think I'd be a really good dad. So perhaps I'm doing society a disservice by not having as many kids as possible.
David Cross
#54. I have to cross the river of extreme awkwardness in order to get to the paradise on the other side.
David Levithan
#55. O Jesus, keep me under the standard of Your cross. Let me not just look at You crucified, but have You living in my heart. Amen. - BERNADETTE OF LOURDES (1844
David P. Gushee
#56. Yeah, getting the company that would help advertise and cross promote the movie on the release was an important factor for New Line, so we went out to a lot of different companies.
David R. Ellis
#57. Religion triggers a lot of emotions in me, most of which stem from being raised Jewish in a very Baptist community in the South. I didn't believe any of it from an early age - the clubby quality of whatever religion or church you belonged to, Judaism included. It just struck me as foolish.
David Cross
#58. There's quite an overlap between musicians - especially drummers - who have an affection and a proclivity towards comedy and comedians who fantasize about being in a band. And a lot of comics play instruments.
David Cross
#59. Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
David Lloyd George
#60. It's not that I don't have kids for some personal reason outside of, I just haven't had kids. And I haven't met someone who wanted to, as far as I know. And perhaps I'm attracted to women who aren't ready to make that commitment just yet.
David Cross
#61. I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.
David Cross
#62. I've never thought of myself as a hoity-toity cultural critic.
David Cross
#63. Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat.
David Cross
#64. Grace will expose the deepest issues of your heart, then point you to the Cross which covers everything that's been exposed.
Paul David Tripp
#65. Most people who have kids are, "Hey, I want another me. I like me. I'm pretty cool, and I've got really great ideas, and the way I think is the right way to think. Let's put another one of me out there."
David Cross
#66. Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm
David Cross
#67. 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.
David Cross
#68. The cross is where Jesus, God in the flesh, took the just punishment due sinners upon himself.
David Platt
#69. We humans can work hard for each other, and we should and we must work. But it is God, and only God, who heals. The Cross and the Switchblade, pg 90.
David Wilkerson
#70. This is why we call people exes, I guess - because the paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end. it's too easy to see an X as a cross-out. it's not, because there's no way to cross out something like that. the X is a diagram of two paths.
David Levithan
#71. If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.
David Cross
#72. I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't interested in it and would rather listen to someone else. But I'll never understand the anger people have toward me.
David Cross
#73. Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
David Cross
#74. Steamboats by this time were becoming a familiar presence on the rivers and coastal waters of America, but not until 1838 did steam-powered ships cross the Atlantic.
David McCullough
#75. Originally they wanted me to be Buster but I really like the Tobias part.
David Cross
#76. I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.
David Cross
#77. Where my comedy really solidified was when Bush was elected. I couldn't understand how craven and crass he was, and how dumb other people were for electing him.
David Cross
#78. I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and really juvenile and uncreative
David Cross
#79. This form of interspecies leap is common, not rare; about 60 percent of all human infectious diseases currently known either cross routinely or have recently crossed between other animals and us.
David Quammen
#80. Nobody is going to be as bad for free thinking, right-minded individuals than George Bush.
David Cross
#81. But I must say the work I'm proudest of is the Green Cross Code man.
David Prowse
#82. Georgia law at the time allowed a defendant to make an unsworn statement to the jury with no cross-examination allowed. Gallogly started reading his statement to the jury but talked so fast and so low that Reuben Arnold suggested he stand directly in front of the jury box, which he did. Gallogly met
David Beasley
#83. I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I'm not very good at.
David Cross
#84. I don't mean this to sound hyperbolic but there are increasingly, albeit really minor, similarities between now and how Germany was lulled into what happened pre-WW2.
David Cross
#85. You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.
David Cross
#86. I don't think HBO would want to do anything in conjunction with Sub Pop but I never asked either.
David Cross
#87. It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny.
David Cross
#88. I remember being a kid and the Vietnam War was huge and looking at Watergate.
David Cross
#89. High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know ...
David Cross
#90. At the cross of Christ, God shows the full expression of both his wrath and his love, as Jesus is stricken, smitten, afflicted, wounded, crushed, and chastised for the sake of sinners.
David Platt
#91. As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a full length movie; all it requires is a great writer and great director with an ability to think outside of conventional film comedy.
David Cross
#92. There is nothing interesting about just seeing me doing the show then seeing the fans and how much people love me.
David Cross
#93. But no, we cross, crisscross, and recross our old tracks like figure skaters.
David Mitchell
#95. There were a number of referendums in '98 that most of the things I voted for passed. That's very satisfying when you feel that most of the country is in step with your views.
David Cross
#96. It only takes one line, from one poem to change your world...What has poetry done for you lately?
David S. Cross
#97. I don't think of my opponents in the sense that I don't think of them consciously, I don't steer it one way or the other.
David Cross
#98. All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You're just inconvenienced.
David Cross
#99. Do not be afraid of taking a big step-you cannot cross a chasm in two steps.
David Lloyd George
#100. When we were on the bus doing the Mr. Show Hooray for America Tour there was a lot of laughter and a lot of pot smoking and a lot of speed metal listening and video game playing. Of course that was all Brian Posehn.
David Cross
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