Cowboy Humor Quotes

#1. Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.

Will Rogers

#2. Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

Patton Oswalt

#3. Oh. Momma told me not to tell you that your bed squeaks. But I think you know, 'cause I could hear it this morning. Jake dropped his fork. Tor, for the first time Jake had ever seen, turned scarlet. Maureen looked at them both and sighed. Christmas is always so interesting with you, Mark.

Chris Owen

#4. I thought about telling him the truth: 'Oh, nothing. Just having my soul exorcised so I can roam around
purgatory, looking for the ghost of the dead cowboy who used to live in my bedroom.

Meg Cabot

#5. Orgasms are a myth. Like good credit scores.

Kelly Moran

#6. Should I slap a cowboy hat on you and call you Sissy?

Roni Loren

#7. She needed to come with an instructional manual. And one not written in Spanish.

Kelly Moran

#8. Now you are thinking like a thief. Fewer guns and more exits. We'll cure your cowboy ways yet. (Vidocq)

Richard Kadrey

#9. His icy lovecicle pressed against her dewy portal, demanding admittance to her passion chamber. How did a guy with no heartbeat, no pulse, get an erection? Who cares?

Nine Naughty Novelists

#10. When William came to Kyle's aid, he told them that there's nothing wrong with being gay, and that his Uncle Jerry is gay, and that the boys should just-" Lenore smiled a little. "uh... 'cowboy up'.

D.W. Marchwell

#11. Best surprise ever." I whispered in his face. Then I leaned in and kissed him hard and deep like it was the last kiss I'd ever get.
"Wrong darlin', best hello ever." He grinned

K. Larsen

#12. A new cologne is coming out. It's for cowboys, and it's made from cow's manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!

Bill Maher

#13. Hey. Hands off.",
"Please. Please, please, soooo pretty. Lemme just have one little touch."
"Peabody, isn't it embarrassing enough you're wearing pink cowboy boots, again, without standing here drooling on my coat?

J.D. Robb

#14. Saint Bo, a man christened with the miraculous ability to gentle horses, nervous women, and one year olds.

Becky Wade

#15. All the latchkey children cursed and smashed bottles, teased about underwear, and puffed on those unfiltered cigarettes that only the cowboys could roll.

Bremer Acosta

#16. My friend Kathy is the only person who'll be halfway honest with me. 'Did you ever see a cowboy film, where someone has been caught by the Indians and tied between two wild stallions, each pulling in opposite directions?' she asked.
I nodded mutely.
'That's a bit what giving birth is like.

Marian Keyes