Contemporary Comedy Quotes

#1. In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced by it.

Paul Merton

#2. I really don't take any interest at all in contemporary comedy.

Paul Merton

#3. My God, Mace was all man, the kind of man every warm-blooded woman would love to take home for the night, tie to her bed and let loose on. Sitting this close to him, my mind conjured up a long list of things I could do, just with my mouth.

Lola Stark

#4. Did the Ancient Greeks ever write anything funny - like slapstick? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that there's nothing wrong with a little bit of well-written physical comedy.

Elle Lothlorien

#5. While I had no intention of hooking up with him, I still wanted him to want to hook up with me.
It was the principle of the thing, after all.

Kimberly Raye

#6. She had offered to drive, not least because it would have given her some control over the evening, but Gethin had raised an eyebrow and told her he liked a more comfortable ride. She assumed it was a reference to her van rather than some frank over-sharing.

Christine Stovell

#7. Maybe younger than the thirty he looked, still caught in style over substance.

Mary Hughes

#8. I was just wondering how long we were going to pretend like we annoyed each other before we started sleeping together.

Beck Anderson

#9. He said they've literally set up a camp across the street from the hotel and they have signs and bullhorns and the kind of Christian attitude that makes God puke.

Robyn Peterman

#10. Just in front of her lay the Congaree Swamp National Forest. To prove it, a mosquito the size of a kitten landed on her arm and prepared to drill.

Sela Carsen

#11. You wish for what's called wooing. This customary game, where the man shows the woman that resistance is impractical, strikes me as quite pointless.

Tara West

#12. Some people just don't find their Prince Charming straight away, they have to search for him.

Charlotte Fallowfield

#13. Do you mind if we leave here so I can chain smoke 'til I throw up so it will be easier to quit?

Robyn Peterman

#14. She came out of nowhere like a two-by-four against the skull, knocking all common sense out of him and turning him into a walking woody.

Marissa Clarke

#15. Holy shit, he was harder that a rod of steel, and as his leg ground out a torturous rhythm between my thighs, I realized I was hotter than spring in Seattle.
This was not a dream, this was real, and I had just fondled the boner of the Grim Reaper.

Tara West

#16. Claire, if you don't move, I will have served two tours of duty only to die in this bed.

Marissa Clarke

#17. If one is going to spend her afternoon singing hymns to the great porcelain goddess, she might as well do it in a really plush ladies room. Stupid fear of public speaking.

Molly Harper

#18. I listen to very little music, particularly contemporary. If I listen to it, it's going to be my own music, some arrangement or something. I spend so much time listening that the way I relax is by watching things, a comedy; that's my way to wind down.

Kate Bush

#19. It's the contemporary woman that movies don't know what to do with, other than bathe her in a bridal glow in romantic comedies where both the romance and the comedy are artificial sweeteners.

James Wolcott

#20. It takes a while for the heat to work in this piece of shit, but when it kicks in, you'll sweat like a fat whore at confession.

Robyn Peterman

#21. The blues are intent and watchful. "You're trying to get me to change my mind, aren't you?"
"Lilah, I constantly hope that you are going to change your mind, but I know you well enough to know that you won't."
I just nod at him.

Anna Bloom

#22. Some people say Earth is the bottom level of Purgatory.' She pointed toward the floor and frowned.
'I call it the top floor of Hell.

Tara West

#23. That's because those pages got torn to shreds when you left, now you both are in different chapters. He wants you - like always, and you want the hot guy down the street. Typical Frankie and Brody style. You guys dance one wild tango, if you ask me.

A.M. Willard

#24. Annabelle was practically standing on my back. It was like wearing an Annabelle backpack.

Rose Pressey

#25. I wondered if this was how it felt to sell your soul to the devil. I bet there were awesome cookies in hell, too.

Lisa Brown Roberts

#26. She wasn't the type. Her idea of exercise was lifting a fork.

Rose Pressey

#27. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and slammed it shut. I shouldn't have come. I should have waited outside for Jack, told him my family had leprosy, and sent him on his merry way. After I boinked him in my new car.

Robyn Peterman

#28. When I make love to you, Lanie, I want you to feel every inch of me buried deep inside of you, loving you, worshiping your body ...

Flora Roberts

#29. I sighed. 'Ah spite, the stuff of fairy tales.

Molly Harper

#30. This stupid infatuation had to stop. I was Trina Clemons, future valedictorian of Sky Ridge High. I had plans. Plans that didn't involve any detours with slacker party boys who wore shoelaces in their hair.

Lisa Brown Roberts

#31. You make my vagina all melty,
wait no!
You make my belly all melty. My vaginas hot!

Lola Stark

#32. He delivered the mail, ran our modest recycling program, and maintained our handful of public buildings. He also occasionally fell asleep while driving a snowplough, but he was such a cheerful guy it was hard to stay pissed at him. Besides every village needs an idiot.

Molly Harper

#33. Normally I didn't attend my father's funerals unless I was scheduled to sing, but it wasn't every day Dad buried a rock star.

Linda Budzinski

#34. Scarlett Garcia fell at the feet of no gloriously delicious man!

Lola Stark

#35. I held it together for the rest of the drive home but as soon as Kelsey dropped me off I flopped face down on the couch and sobbed like a reality TV star on confessional day.

Molly Harper

#36. This was my love, her love
torn, damaged, broken, ripped apart and put back together. This was our tattered love.

Lola Stark

#37. He shook his head. The next time I hear a women going on about how neurotic men are, I'm going to remember this. You tell me you like my body, and what do I say? I say, thank you. Then I tell you I like yours and what do I hear? A long lists of grievances.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#38. He shifts awkwardly, and I realize a few things:
First, I'm still clinging to a stranger I fell into like an idiot.
Second, before he moved, I think I felt something hard. Down there. Maybe.
Third, I have cupcake all over my face.

Helena Rac

#39. In the future, I would like to do more films with contemporary themes. Perhaps comedy, which is something I have done in theater but not in cinema.

Luke Evans

#40. I supplied in a tone so saccharine that it should have tipped him off that his testicular health was in serious peril.

Molly Harper

#41. I always wanted to be a journeyman actor. I wanted to be able to do comedy and drama, classical and contemporary. I like to do film and theater. And I pride myself on that diversity of being a journeyman actor.

Wendell Pierce

#42. I'm going to make love to you, Lanie. I'm not your first, but I will be the last.

Flora Roberts

#43. With his blond hair, broad shoulders, and perpetual tan,
Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I'd thought about him in his underwear.
Much.

Chris Cannon

#44. A boot up the ass could be considered a 'nudge' right?

Molly Harper

#45. Is your name even David?' I asked as I yanked my panties back on.
'Is yours Melanie?' he inquired, buttoning his jeans.
'I asked first,' I countered, wondering for the umpteenth time why being an idiot came so easily to me.

Robyn Peterman

#46. Whatever you say, sweetheart." He sent her a wink, a devilish one, the same one he no doubt used to sear the panties off his dates.

Jessica Lemmon

#47. I thank God every day for bringing you into my life. I know I don't deserve you, but I'm a better man because of you.

Danielle Jamie

#48. I don't know why Kate was trying to impress him, as far as I could see the guy had all the allure and social grace of a psychotic slug with halitosis and a bad head cold.

Sharon Sant

#49. Coralie Casey was the kind of woman calories were made for; that dewy peaches-and-cream complexion, glossy cherry lips, the succulence of her body beneath that orange, silky dress. A cornucopia of curves, you could say, except it was probably better not to think about horns of plenty.

Christine Stovell

#50. Cooper! Help!'
The coward turned and walked into the kitchen as if he hadn't seen me getting frogmarched by the estrogen squad.

Molly Harper

#51. The rest of the morning would consist of checking on a pothole in the parking lot of the village clinic and writing up a schedule for the community centre that might finally settle the ongoing feud between the local quilting group and the bridge club.
It was good to be queen.

Molly Harper

#52. There are no guarantees with love,' her father said, reading her mind. 'You can't hold some of it back, like a deposit, so you can get your money back if something goes wrong. You have to give yourself wholeheartedly, whatever the cost.

Christine Stovell

#53. Hubert's wife, Mindy, was a tiny powerhouse of a woman with a halo of wild blond hair and eye makeup so complex it took me a while to locate her pupils. She was clearly the brains of the operation, such as she was.

Molly Harper

#54. Lea was on the floor of a stall hugging a toilet. When she heard the door close, she lifted her head and gave me a half smile of embarrassment.
'Gracie, I've been chemically inconvenienced and I don't think I can ever leave this toilet. Take a picture of this so I'll never do it again.

Christine Zoldenz

#55. He was always 'checking in' to see if I needed any help with my campaign, which on the surface seemed nice enough, but it was done in a condescending tone that made me want to staple his lip to his tie.

Molly Harper

#56. Wait until you meet my family. At Thanksgiving, we kill everything we can find, put it into a pot, and call it 'holiday gumbo'.

Molly Harper

#57. Hi Maggie, it's nice to see you again,' he said, smiling so sweetly I thought I might need insulin.

Molly Harper

#58. The male tax?"
"Yeah. The tax that men have to pay for not having to menstruate every month. Or risk getting pregnant. Or deal with the physically stronger sex in a macho world ... Women have to put up with all that stuff, so the least we men can do is pay the male tax and get the tab.

Zack Love

#59. Kitty waved her free hand to show that she was ok, although she was very tempted to stand over one of Adam's window-washing puddles and pretend her waters had broken just to see what he would do.

Christine Stovell

#60. I've also been known to cry during MasterCard commercials.

Kimberly Raye

#61. Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears.

Molly Harper

#62. He wanted to break up with me in the cafeteria? Fat chance. I leaned toward him and touched his arm in a girlfriend sort of way. "If you planned to stage a public breakup with me, you can forget it."
Amusement showed in his hazel eyes. "Think you can stop me?

Chris Cannon

#63. I would praise the Lord above for a ticket to that ride.

Lola Stark

#64. Yes, Trina. Really, I'll show up to help you. Really, I'll bring a friend. Really, I'm not a total dick. I just play one on TV.

Lisa Brown Roberts

#65. Stop," he murmured, or at least that's what he meant to say. It came out sounding more like "Yes," which probably wasn't the same thing at all.

Tawna Fenske

#66. You are you because you love the way the world looks through your camera. You are you because of the way you love your friends and family. Not because some scar is on your body. That's a part of your history and what helps form what you believe in. not what defines you.

A.M. Willard

#67. I could run, too, but my feet hurt. It's tough being a fashion vixen.

Kimberly Raye

#68. Leave before I have to rip your eyes out with my dull Lady Bic razor.

Rose Pressey

#69. What are you thinking?" I ask.
"That I wish this was my home, too."
I have nothing to say to this, so I kiss him instead.

Anna Bloom

#70. I'd rather drink my dinner out of a martini glass and follow it up with a cosmopolitan chaser.

Kimberly Raye