Condescending Humor Quotes

#1. Stories have a job to do. They can't just lie around like lazybone dogs. They have to teach you something.

Lloyd Jones

#2. How the hell did you know where I was?" Prophet demanded.
Cillian said simply, "Don't bother searching your phone for chips."
"Then how did you know?"
"Prophet, I know everything."
Fuck him. Cillian did.

S.E. Jakes

#3. It made our presence in the world meaningful; we still served a purpose.

Massimo Marino

#4. We lose our souls if we lose the experience of the forest, the butterflies, the song of the birds, if we can't see the stars at night.

Thomas Berry

#5. I don't want to sound condescending, so I'm not going to say anything else, except that it is literally impossible to imagine a thing dumber than sports.

Jesse Andrews

#6. The person who asks a lot of questions has room for their faith to grow.

David McGee

#7. I watch Glenn Beck and he's taught me well. Progressive is the new word for Communist

Victoria Jackson

#8. Facts are plain spoken; hopes and figures are its aversion.

Joseph Addison

#9. We've got our football where no one wears anything and the guys are in little shorts and they beat the crap out of each other, and they can catch it and they can kick it, and it's the only place it's played in the world.

Rachel Griffiths

#10. Childbirth is at best necessary and tolerable. It is not fun.
(Like shitting a pumpkin, a friend of mine told me when I inquired about the Great-Experience-You-Are-Missing.)

Shulamith Firestone

#11. "You can't dream in the light, if you can't live in it."

Dan Skinner

#12. I hear Raleigh's new accounting business isn't doing well. Maybe up in New York or somewhere it's a good thing, but in Jackson, Mississippi, people just don't care to do business with a rude, condescending asshole.

Kathryn Stockett

#13. Thus, those with long and glittering careers (e.g. me) tend to look down on those (e.g. Ascobol) whose names have been unearthed more recently, and haven't amassed so many fine achievements.

Jonathan Stroud

#14. Technology is an incredible tool - it connects people to each other, creates jobs all over the world, and makes life easier for millions of Americans.

Al Franken

#15. The GPS still has return coordinates programmed, although when I crank over the engine, I get the "reprogramming route" message. I hate the tone of these things-it manages to be mechanical yet condescending at the same time. All systems have it. Some frustrated engineer's idea of a joke, I suppose.

Jeanne C. Stein

#16. The rights of some must not be enjoyed by denying the rights of others. Neither can we permit states' rights at the expense of human rights.

George W. Romney

#17. Bare lists of words are found suggestive to an imaginative and excited mind.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

#18. Prison officials have been more concerned about sparing the sensitivities of executioners and witnesses than protecting the condemned prisoner from pain. They are more concerned with appearances than with the reality.

Jamie Fellner

#19. Delia was an overbearing cake with condescending frosting, and frankly, I was on a diet.

Maggie Stiefvater

#20. A low self-image is usually not based upon facts; it's mismanaged memory.

Orrin Woodward

#21. A sense of the universe, a sense of the all, the nostalgia which seizes us when confronted by nature, beauty, music - these seem to be an expectation and awareness of a Great Presence.

Pierre Teilhard De Chardin