Brad Stine Quotes

#1. I don't rock for Cancer. I rock for cash, and the topless dancers.

Kid Rock

#2. When you're at a comedy club, if you're not funny, you don't work. People will let you know, whether it's by booing or yelling for you to get out of the club. People are drunk or whatever and they'll let you have it.

Brad Stine

#3. The wussification of America is killing us by teaching us to censor ourselves from what we believe. That's why I want to see political correctness die in my lifetime, but first ... I want to watch it suffer.

Brad Stine

#4. The way to stop political correctness is to not do it. If someone says, You offended me then you say I don't care! If they're offended by the truth, that's their issue!

Brad Stine

#5. Talk about sexist - have you ever, ever, heard someone come up to a woman and say 'find your masculine side?' And by the way women, if you find your masculine side - I'm not interested.

Brad Stine

#6. My love is founded on esteem, the only foundation that can make the passion last.

Horatio Nelson

#7. We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth. Or, I've got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth.

Brad Stine

#8. If God is a crutch, then atheism is a coma.

Brad Stine

#9. It's about something that strikes you as funny but I do it with a Christian world view: why we think the way we do based on God's plan. I lift up my God and my country and I resist political correctness.

Brad Stine

#10. They got special terms that they use when they're pregnant. They don't even say pregnant, got special words they use - I'm expecting. Expecting what? I'm expecting a child, silly. Well, then, you probably got a good shot!

Brad Stine

#11. Comedy, if it's done well, can reflect the mood of a nation. It can be a mirror to who we are, what we believe in, what we are like.

Brad Stine

#12. Because when the Creator of matter, tell you you matter, then you have a purpose and then you have self-esteem.

Brad Stine

#13. If the truth conflicts with my beliefs, I change my beliefs.

Brad Stine

#14. I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because I miss him.

Brad Stine

#15. I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly.

Brad Stine

#16. It's true, I had hacked into a lot of companies, and took copies of the source code to analyze it for security bugs. If I could locate security bugs, I could become better at hacking into their systems. It was all towards becoming a better hacker.

Kevin Mitnick

#17. Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of invisible obstacles and crouched behind a water fountain shaped like a hippopotamous throwing up.

Adam Rex

#18. People don't realize, or maybe they've forgotten, that there was a time in history when standup comedy wasn't something that you had to hide your kids' ears from.

Brad Stine

#19. I hope that nothing ever wussifies me to deny my own personal beliefs. Brainwashed wussies have been taught that standing up for yourself and defending your personal point of view makes you a close-minded hate monger. One must also be respectful of dissenting belief while supporting their own.

Brad Stine

#20. God is a crutch? Yeah, well, not believing in God is a coma.

Brad Stine

#21. If we all die and there is no God, then it's just eternal unconsciousness, you'll never know, but if you're wrong ... you'll know forever.

Brad Stine

#22. The truth is supposed to hurt. That's how it lets you know you don't got it.

Brad Stine

#23. No one I've loved has ever not had an agenda.

Gillian Flynn

#24. I don't think I could live without a deck of cards in my hands.

Omar Sharif

#25. Nobody was hard with him or with me. There was duty to be done, and it was done, but not harshly.

Charles Dickens

#26. Get out of our schools God, get out of our textbooks God, get out of our government God, go away God, go away God, go away God, Katrina hits, God, where are you?

Brad Stine

#27. You know what offends me? Offended people. In a country with guaranteed rights to freedom of religion, its citizens are constantly trying to make faith in public spheres illegal, I am offended by that contradiction and want to talk about it as a comic.

Brad Stine

#28. Oh, I know: If you're fat, let's not blame you, let's sue McDonalds! Oh, for cryin' out loud, hey, if you smoke, not your fault, it's the tobacco company's fault! Hey, if you shoot somebody, not your fault, let's blame the gun industry!

Brad Stine

#29. Acting is acting, but acting is different in almost always every project, and very, very different in this context.

Helen Mirren

#30. There is a difference between constitutional government and judicial dictatorship. And I think it's time we remembered that our Constitution was not put together in order to establish the sovereignty of the judges, it was framed in order to guarantee the sovereignty of the people.

Alan Keyes

#31. Who is more irrational, the guy who believes in a God he can't see, or a guy who's offended by a God he doesn't believe in?

Brad Stine

#32. I don't hate cats ... as long as they stay on the freeway, where they belong.

Brad Stine