Best Witty Quotes

#1. Oh yes, I don't deny I married you because I was sorry for you. And then-I found you the best and jolliest and dearest little pal and chum a fellow ever had. Witty-loyal-sweet. You made me believe again in the reality of friendship and love.

L.M. Montgomery

#2. The solution, she advises, is, "when you meet a woman who is intimidatingly witty, stylish, beautiful, and professionally accomplished, befriend her. Surrounding yourself with the best people doesn't make you look worse by comparison. It makes you look better." Marital

Rebecca Traister

#3. My dear boy, in Ireland the midwife uses one hand to hold the baby's best fighting arm from the font water, and grips its jaws with the other lest the goes to litigation about it. Says O'LiamRoe

Dorothy Dunnett

#4. The best material model of a cat is another, or preferably the same, cat.

Norbert Wiener

#5. The next best thing to being witty one's self, is to be able to be able to quote another's wit.

Christian Nestell Bovee

#6. Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another's wit.

Christian Nestell Bovee

#7. Talking to oneself, I have often thought, is the best way to be sure of intelligent and witty conversation.

Grant Morrison

#8. Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven ... if for no other reason than you won't be there.

Dennis Sharpe

#9. Besides being witty and funny and maybe the best novel ever written, it's also the most perfect romance in all of literature and nothing in life can ever measure up, so I spend my life limping in its shadow.

Shannon Hale

#10. Every Brit I met had the best sense of humor. They're hilarious: very dry and witty.

Merritt Patterson

#11. Of course you love her!" he'd replied. "She's been your best friend since you both could walk, and now she's grown up to be beautiful, talented, intelligent and witty. What's not to love about all that?

John Flanagan

#12. Whatever money you might have, self-worth really lies in finding out what you do best.

J.K. Rowling

#13. Once you've read too many trashy best-sellers, you begin to look for something with substance, something that attempts to define the universe.

Jessica Zafra

#14. Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.

Corey Ford

#15. I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.

Jim Carrey

#16. She marking them begins a wailing note And sings extemporally a woeful ditty How love makes young men thrall and old men dote How love is wise in folly, foolish-witty Her heavy anthem still concludes in woe, And still the choir of echoes answer so.

William Shakespeare

#17. Your
ah
intervention, shall we say, has simplified things in the palace enormously. We no longer have to worry about Salmissra's whims and peculiar appetites. We rule by committee, and we hardly ever find it necessary to poison each other anymore. No one's tried to poison me for months.

David Eddings

#18. As an actor, you can really play the intensity and gravity and seriousness of the moment, and just rely on the circumstances being funny. The joke is kind of the situation you're in, or the way you're reacting to something, as opposed to the characters just saying something witty.

Ed Helms

#19. My music is basically all about witty punchlines and lyric progression that is aimed to make you laugh or say "Woah."

Mike Stud

#20. What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrific-ally witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.

Dave Barry

#21. [Agatha Christie] is fond of quoting the witty wife who once said, 'an archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Christie's husband, Max Mallowan, was an archaeologist.

Nigel Dennis

#22. If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

George Bernard Shaw

#23. For table-talk, I prefer the pleasant and witty before the learned and the grave; in bed, beauty before goodness.

Michel De Montaigne

#24. I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants

Dave Beard

#25. The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

Sid Caesar