Bamford Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 62 famous quotes and sayings about bamford to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 62 Bamford Quotes

#1. I think the Internet has made it easier for people to connect with things that they really like, as well as provide a more personal experience, of 'I found this!' and then you can pass it to friends. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#2. Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#3. I'm not looking for much, I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job ... and the missing half of this golden amulet. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#4. I am a wild orchid of comedy, so I can only do well under specific conditions ... There are people who I think can do any room, and do stadiums and thousand-seat theaters, and then there are people like me who just perform for my parents. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#5. I'm sort of shy, and Twitter feels like chatting all day with a group. I like to follow people. I'm following Joel Osteen, Steve Martin, and an anonymous purple egg - just to see where they go with it. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#6. If you're ever if you're ever thinking, "Oh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden," remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile? - Author: Maria Bamford
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#7. I sleep hard; I dream harder! - Author: Maria Bamford
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#8. I'd like to create a lovable character for schizophrenia; it doesn't have a celebrity spokesperson because by the time somebody's schizophrenic they've lost all their teeth. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#9. I love that vision-board thing where you cut out pictures that resonate with you so they'll manifest. I've done that since I was three; I cut out pictures of ladies from the JCPenney catalog. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#10. Schizophrenia is hearing voices, not doing voices. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#11. When you're a comedian, you're just by yourself. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#12. It's always the compliments from people you love that mean so much. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#13. I think you can lose yourself in any creative activity - if you enjoy your job or enjoy a task, you can lose yourself in that. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#14. I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#15. My dad has some depressive issues, and he's really tough on himself. So sometimes he can say things that are not super supportive. Like once I did a set, and he says, 'Sheesh, no wonder you're still single.' I was like, 'Eight ball, corner pocket, dad.' - Author: Maria Bamford
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#16. I feel bad about that, that I worship celebrities ... but their moods create weather. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#17. The sun was beginning to set and the water was sparkling in the low light as the onshore breeze that had built up through the heat of the day rippled across the reflective surface, breaking it into a million diamonds of yellow-white light. - Author: Emma Bamford
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#18. The Internet makes everything much less mysterious. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#19. I was raised in Duluth, Minnesota, where you never say that you're cold, or that you're suffering, and you listen politely to people, even if you disagree with them completely. Then you say passive-aggressive things later. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#20. I never really thought of myself as depressed so much as paralyzed by hope. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#21. Here's the Middle East. Here's the mosque, here's the church, open the temple, everybody's MAD! - Author: Maria Bamford
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#22. Even if you're disgusting, and everyone is creeped out by you and thinks you're gross, you know, keep doing what you love! - Author: Maria Bamford
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#23. As far as I can tell, comedians are pretty serious people, and that's why they make fun of things all of the time. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#24. My mom is very structured. She gets up, she does her prayers, and she eats her oatmeal with blueberries and Greek yogurt, and she has her prayer list, and she doesn't worry too much about things. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#25. My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time - Author: Maria Bamford
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#26. My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People Magazines. In this holy scripture, we read the parable of Ms. Valerie Bertinelli. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#27. I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of s**t that I don't need, that I refuse to share with others. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#28. If you stay alive for no other reason do it for spite - Author: Maria Bamford
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#29. I just saw a clip of Maria Bamford. She has a comedy show that was filmed and performed from her bed - the whole thing supposedly takes place in her bedroom at her parents house in Duluth, MN. I thought it was great and really strange - to have a comedy special without having to leave your bed. - Author: Dana Schutz
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#30. My dad actually had business cards made up with my sister's website and my website and all of our information. And he hands them out to people he meets. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#31. I have a comic character - my sister said that I'm the victim of every joke I tell. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#32. Some of my friends and family have tried to challenge me to do jokes that aren't as self-deprecating, where I genuinely express my own opinion in my own voice. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#33. I have a hard time with interviews, because I'd rather hear about the interviewer. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#34. I've learned from my pets that it's okay to sit around, and people don't love you any less if you sit around all the time. In fact they might love you more, 'cos they always know where you're always going to be: you're always going to be laying in bed. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#35. My mom always does this thing where, the closer I get to home, the more she calls. 'Hey, listen, how's your plane? Did you land? Are you landing? Sweetie. Listen. We want to ... ' The anxiety amps up exponentially as I get closer, and then I can't get out fast enough. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#36. Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I'm so hungry. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#37. My mom doesn't post on Facebook, but she'll tell anyone within about the first five minutes of meeting them about my sister and I, in whatever way she can. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#38. I have trouble watching singers because they are so sincere. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#39. I've been stopped a few times by people who want to say, 'Hi.' But I'm an introverted person, and the idea that I'd have to talk to people all the time seems a little overwhelming. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#40. I think I, like a lot of people, have that type of brain where I find it interesting or fulfilling to worry about something. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#41. I get sort of short with people and start grumbling and clearing my throat - in honor of my father - when I'm impatient. It's very charming. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#42. I find it creatively satisfying to write material and say it out loud in a public place, whether or not anyone's listening. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#43. We're all doing the best we can and sometimes it is not that good. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#44. I have received more fulfillment and adulation than I would ever know what to do with in terms of show business. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#45. Time flies when you are anxious! - Author: Maria Bamford
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#46. I can't stand makeup commercials. 'Do you need a lipstick that keeps your lips kissable?' No, I need a lipstick that gets me equal pay for equal work. How about an eye shadow that makes me stop thinking I'm too fat? - Author: Maria Bamford
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#47. When I'm up on stage and do a joke, half the people interpret it one way and half of them interpret it the way I want them to. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#48. I like all kinds of comedy. I like comedy that doesn't talk about real beliefs or serious thoughts, but then I also like the stuff that does. I think it just depends. It's a completely personal choice. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#49. I'm not an extroverted person, nor am I hyper-confident in my point of view. I just don't have that personality. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#50. The bigger the crowds get, the more nervous I get. I actually am very comfortable with a half-filled room of people who are slightly disinterested and are irritated at a Barnes & Noble. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#51. Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#52. The thing that keeps the thoughts coming back is the power that you put in the thought that you can't think of it. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#53. I express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because that's been said to me. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#54. I do some compassionate mindfulness every day. It's like a Buddhist thing. I tell myself that I'm doing a good job, that kind of thing. It makes me feel better. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#55. If you stay alive for no reason at all, please do it for spite. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#56. People get really irritated by mental illness. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#57. I love support groups, people talking about their feelings. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#58. Like a black hole, NSA pulls in every signal that comes near, but no electron is ever allowed to escape. - Author: James Bamford
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#59. Get out of your house and go see some live performance, for God's sake. There are people creating things just outside your window. - Author: Maria Bamford
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#60. In the '90s, comedy was at a very low point, but these days, you've got people like Hannibal Burress, Ron Funches, Maria Bamford - people who can play any club, anywhere. - Author: Andy Kindler
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#61. I thought that when you have more success that you'd feel more buoyed or feel more confident. But in fact my brain has the gift of switching it around and saying, 'Now people are expecting something. Now you're really going to let people down.' - Author: Maria Bamford
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#62. I'm wildly different than Maria Bamford or Sarah Silverman, and might be more similar to some male comics. - Author: Jen Kirkman
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