Artemis Fowl Humor Quotes

#1. Knowledge must become capability.

Carl Von Clausewitz

#2. I don't like lollipops.

Eoin Colfer

#3. Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?

Eoin Colfer

#4. Play along, the wink said. I'll get you out of this.
At least Artemis hoped this was what his wink communicated and not something like 'Any chance of another kiss later?

Eoin Colfer

#5. You need to stop thinking with your head, Mud Boy, and start thinking with your heart.
Artemis sighed. The heart was an organ for pumping oxygen-rich blood to the cells. It could no more think than an apple could tap-dance.

Eoin Colfer

#6. The key to hitting for high average is to relax, concentrate, and don't hit the fly ball to center field.

Stan Musial

#7. Authors," he murmured with a grin. "You all think your work is flawless, and anyone who tries to change a single word is an idiot."

"And editors consider themselves the most intelligent people they know," Amanda shot back.

Lisa Kleypas

#8. I don't know why it is, Captain Short, but whenever you start agreeing with me, I get decidedly nervous.

Eoin Colfer

#9. Since that time I have had continuous contact with the persons who were completely unknown to me, except that I knew they would hand whatever information I gave them to the Russian authorities.

Klaus Fuchs

#10. Just what we need," moaned Holly. "Artemis Fowl with magical powers.

Eoin Colfer

#11. His presence made me feel self-concious: of my appearance, of the way I was sitting, of my movements and gestures ... It was the behavior of a woman reacting to a man who attracts her.

Alice Steinbach

#12. She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.
-Artemis Fowl

Eoin Colfer

#13. Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over

Eoin Colfer

#14. Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

Eoin Colfer

#15. There are politics in sexual relationships because they occur in the context of a society that assigns power based on gender and other systems of inequality and privilege.

Susan Shaw

#16. Waitress: "And to drink?"
Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water.

Eoin Colfer

#17. If the land of make believe is inside your heart it will never leave.

Madonna Ciccone

#18. Me," Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut."
Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell.
"I'm the nut!" Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said.

Eoin Colfer

#19. I was perhaps the worst student you have ever seen. You know, I thought I was stupid, all my classmates thought I was stupid, so there was general agreement.

Ben Carson

#20. Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"
Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Eoin Colfer

#21. When your neighbour's house is on fire, you should help with a bucket of water.

Yahya Jammeh

#22. Nobody's death is impending."
... "Well technically everyone's death is impending.

Eoin Colfer

#23. If someone tries to pull you down, it only means you are above them.

Anonymous

#24. You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually.

Eoin Colfer