Alan Partridge Quotes

#1. 1974 was a crazy, hazy time for Alan Partridge. The Sixties had come to East Anglia and it was a time of free thinking, free love and in my case free university accommodation.

Alan Partridge

#2. Surveillance isn't easy, though. You'll need warm clothes, a camera with telephoto lens, two Thermos flasks (one for tea, t'other for wee) and for God's sake remember your sandwiches.

Alan Partridge

#3. Life may dawdle along in minutes but don't be deceived, for it will sprint by in years before you even notice.

Richelle E. Goodrich

#4. I'm half Asian, so people immediately go, "Oh, you do kung fu," like that's what we do. We wake up, we do kung fu, we brush our teeth. It's just assumed that you're not working your ass off to make this believable and make this something great, and we absolutely are.

Maggie Q

#5. Tears streamed down my face. I was so happy I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. But at the same time I knew that that afternoon's downpour would have made the slate tiles so slippery that achieving any kind of purchase would have been impossible.

Alan Partridge

#6. You have walked among us a spirit, and your shadow has been a light upon our faces.

Kahlil Gibran

#7. Well suited to those with large shoulders and feet like spades, swimming enjoyed a boost in popularity in Victorian times when, due to advancements in water husbandry, we were able to domesticate H2O, trapping large amounts of it in four-sided pits or 'pools'. I

Alan Partridge

#8. I'm not sure why no one wants to admit there's a viable audience out there that believes in God and wants to see a movie with their family. The demand is there. The supply is not.

Tyler Perry

#9. my remarkable walked

Alan Partridge

#10. A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women.

Alan Partridge

#11. Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. And I did not want to end up with the tea-drinking equivalent of AIDS.

Alan Partridge

#12. I can't bear the smell of cigars, can you?" said Lady Partridge.
"Lionel hates it too," murmured Rachel. As did Nick, to whom the dry lavatorial stench of cigars signified the inexplicable confidence of other men's tastes and habits, and their readiness to impose them on their fellows.

Alan Hollinghurst

#13. Snowflakes fell from the sky like tiny pieces of a snowman who had stood on a landmine.

Alan Partridge

#14. The father, Trevor, was an asthmatic, but what he lacked in being able to breath quietly, he more than made up for with parental skills.

Alan Partridge

#15. Meanwhile, for those of you on crowded public transport who chose not to say the words aloud, you'll feel no different, and that's your own fault because, as I say, you lack class and are assholes.

Alan Partridge

#16. I woke with a start. At first I assumed I'd trumped myself awake again .

Alan Partridge

#17. Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman.

Alan Partridge

#18. Hello, Alan." said Carol's dad Keith.
"Hello, Alan." said Carol's mum, Stella, not bothering to think of a greeting of her own.

Alan Partridge

#19. Sadly, I can't say the same for my Father, who is probably in a different place - Hell.

Alan Partridge

#20. You do everything you weren't allowed to do in school. Jumping up and down, screaming, annoying people, and people love you for it.

Pelle Almqvist

#21. But those who seek only reassurance from life will never be more than tourists - seeing everything and trying to possess what can only be felt.
Beauty is the shadow of imperfection.

Simon Van Booy

#22. A blessed hope gives us the power to soar high above the driving wings of life.

Lailah Gifty Akita

#23. For three long days, I felt the cold hand of death on my shoulder. Lost in the depths of despair I tried to figure out what I had done to deserve this. I wasn't an evil person. The worst thing I'd ever done was kick a pig - School trip to Heston Farm, 1964, I maintain it was self-defence.

Alan Partridge

#24. Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit.

Alan Partridge

#25. Like the name of a cartoon Belgian detective said in a Scottish accent, it's 10:10.'11 It

Alan Partridge

#26. He is also a keen cook, gardener and birder. He has no middle fingers on one hand, so he can't swear but is permanently doing the heavy metal sign.

Alan Partridge