Absolutely Funny Quotes

#1. My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. The cliche of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character - I am that character ... It's a complicated bag of tools I acquired, and I've put them all to work onstage.

Beth Ditto

#2. The doctor asked me recently how I was feeling within myself, I replied, "absolutely fine doctor, but I'm terribly lonely without myself.

Benny Bellamacina

#3. We must have a creature made of Darkness to break through the cage of Darkenss that imprisons your grandmother," Thanatos said.
"That creature is me." Aurox stepped forward.
"Oh, for shit's sake! We are absolutely fucked!" Aphrodite said.
Sadly I had to agree with her.

P.C. Cast

#4. Does Playboy still run fiction?"
"I have absolutely no idea, Melinda," he said, grinning.

Robyn Carr

#5. I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.

Edmund Hillary

#6. With my boyfriend, we can make sexist jokes to each other because we know it's absolutely not true. If I get home from a long day and he says: 'Go on, get in the kitchen,' it's funny because we know it's not our lives.

Emily Browning

#7. Anyone who thinks impressions of old movie actors is funny absolutely cannot be trusted. I think it's like a law of nature.

Stephen King

#8. What are you giving him?"
Nicola Vileroy tilted her head ... " Something to mesmerize and delight him. Something absolutely ethereal that would capture his imagination and not let go. "
"Ooh, Nintendo, how lovely!

Daniel Nayeri

#9. Maybe I can stalk you again sometime."
"Absolutely.

Katie Klein

#10. I find it funny that people now come up to me and say, 'Wow, you are absolutely gorgeous. I'm like, 'I was beautiful before I lost weight. Egotistically speaking, I thought I was amazing.'

Raven-Symone

#11. Poor, dear old Mack, he was ninety-eight per cent perfect. His two percent failing was that he had absolutely no idea of the value or the power of arbitration. He was the veteran of a hundred battles, and I never once could say to the other fellow, 'Your dog started it.

William S. Hart

#12. If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

Adam Carolla

#13. From Kelsey, I have learned among many other things the value of turning on a dime and how you can have an extremely funny and extremely poignant moment with absolutely no separation in between ... and sometimes in the same moment.

David Hyde Pierce

#14. She was spoiled, but she wasn't lazy. She knew what she wanted, and because she believed absolutely that she could have everything she wanted if she tried hard enough to get it, she never stopped trying.

Cecily Von Ziegesar

#15. She's a lunatic," says Conrad.
"Absolutely insane," says Guntram.
"Either completely fearless or utterly stupid," says Conrad.
"She's going to fit right in," says Guntram.

Emily Lloyd-Jones

#16. Absolutely Disgusted! Your Father's Facing An Inquiry At Work And It's Entirely Your Fault! If You Put Another Toe Out Of Line, We'll Bring You Straight Back Home!

J.K. Rowling

#17. Redford had read somewhere that cats brought their owners dead birds, rodents, and their own toys because they were trying to teach the stupid humans how to hunt, like they did with their own kittens. From the amount of toys Knievel had brought to him, the cat thought he was absolutely useless.

Robin Saxon

#18. In something like 'Frank,' which is a comedy, albeit a strange and emotional one, you can absolutely put in deleted scenes, and we did because they were just funny and great, but they weren't necessary in the overall structure.

Lenny Abrahamson

#19. I grew tired of religion some time not long after birth. I believe in people, I believe in humans, I believe in a car, but I don't believe something I can't have absolutely no evidence of for millenniums. And it's funny, people think analysis or psychiatry is mad, and they go to church ...

John Malkovich

#20. Whitney Houston's cover of "I Will Always Love You" was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.

Tina Fey

#21. The guy behind the counter scratches his neck. "Are you being serious?" Her face is stoic. "Absolutely. I never kid about teddy bears.

Jessica Sorensen

#22. The funny thing about prayers is you can absolutely make up your own if you want to.

Art Hochberg

#23. You know what's funny about death? I mean other than absolutely nothing at all? You'd think we could remember finding out we weren't immortal. Sometimes I see children sobbing airports and I think, Aww. They've just been told.

Carrie Fisher

#24. What I find relatively funny is that I'm not a model. I'm five foot six and a half; I have absolutely no dream or desire to be a model, I don't live for fashion. But when an opportunity comes your way very early in your career, like Burberry, you do it.

Sophie Kennedy Clark

#25. My mate is really, really weird.
She is also absolutely covered in brown, mushy clay.
She laughs and holds a large lump up to show it to me. Her mouth moves, and she makes enough noise to scare away a group of birds near the shore.
She is so, so strange.

Shay Savage

#26. I like bowling. I suck at it, but I like it. You know what's so funny? I have days when I'm absolutely great at doing it, and then I have days when I just don't understand it.

Lil' Kim

#27. Tombay's hopes, which were nil before, are absolutely zero now

Murray Walker

#28. How dare you little jabroni come onto The Rock shows Smackdown and run your mouth about how your the game, well The Rock says, if you are the game then you quite frankly you need to go back to the drawing board cause your game absolutely sucks!

Dwayne Johnson

#29. You know, I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to end.

Fiona Apple

#30. I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.

Marc Maron

#31. Very often, I don't make it through moments of recording because it is genuinely funny and absolutely ridiculous that a 60-year-old grown man is making these noises.

David Ogden Stiers

#32. It was absolutely marvelous working for Pauli. You could ask him anything. There was no worry that he would think a particular question was stupid, since he thought all questions were stupid.

Victor Frederick Weisskopf

#33. It's funny because growing up, when Ali G first burst off the screen, it was something that I was probably too young to be watching, but I absolutely loved it ...

Ed Speleers

#34. It's a funny thing because I don't want to wish away my privacy. Do I want 'Terminator Genisys' to explode? Absolutely. Do I want to take my career to the next level? Absolutely? You have to trade some things for that. It's all about how you conduct yourself and what you make of the experience.

Jai Courtney

#35. Until lunchtime, he'd had no idea, really, what love was, but now he knew.
It made you happy, and it made you want to dance, and it made you feel funny.
But most of all, you knew you had someone you could trust.
Someone you could tell everything to. Absolutely everything.

John Saul

#36. There are a lot of funny people in my family. Absolutely. There were a lot of jokes growing up around the dinner table, for sure. We didn't grow up in a creative family.

Nate Corddry

#37. Best to have only a few absolutely perfect trait - for example, my hair and eyes and sparkling personality - so you don't overwhelm.

Kiersten White

#38. It's a funny thing with the inspiration thing. There's always loads of music around that I absolutely love and films going back to when I started making film music in the mid-80's.

Steven Price

#39. So forget about blogs and bloggers and blogging and focus on this - the cost and difficulty of publishing absolutely anything, by anyone, into a global medium, just got a whole lot lower. And the effects of that increased pool of potential producers is going to be vast.

Clay Shirky

#40. I absolutely admit I had him in the handcuffs so he wouldn't go anywhere while I checked the computer ... I certainly wasn't going to kill him. That's hardly going to do my career any good, is it?

Boy George

#41. I would rather be funny than gorgeous, absolutely. Because it's too hard to be gorgeous, you know. I could make a stab at gorgeous as long as I had something funny to say to get out of it.

Gilda Radner