Top 41 Marcus Brigstocke Quotes

#1. You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #23180
#2. Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done; shame is feeling bad about who you are - all it is, is muddling up things you have done with who you are.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #25848
#3. I'd rather be happy than right.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #46176
#4. I think it's important never to look yourself up on Wikipedia. I think the temptation to correct any interesting factual errors would be too much.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #88418
#5. All my shows are therapy, trying to navigate interesting subjects so I can work them out and to be honest and say some things are beyond the wit of this man.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #196808
#6. I have an addictive personality. Boarding school merely sent me more quickly on the downward spiral that dominated my childhood.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #290220
#7. My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #377695
#8. Britain is obsessed with political correctness.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #424043
#9. I rarely fly, for environmental reasons more than anything else.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #459173
#10. Political correctness is as exploitable as any other progressive ideal, but its aim is to stifle the incessant noise of those who flap their careless lips without a thought about those they might offend and why that might be important.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #469947
#11. Catholicism has the clerical equivalent to a nut allergy - even a small exposure to change, and the whole thing will go into anaphylactic shock.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #515699
#12. To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #587232
#13. Never Google yourself. Seriously, don't!

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #636001
#14. I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #682642
#15. Jim Henson was an absolute genius.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #745372
#16. I went to China for a brief working visit, and I thought that Shanghai was interesting, but Beijing totally grabbed me.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #760922
#17. Offence is important; that's how you know you care about things. Imagine a life where you're not offended. So dull.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #808042
#18. I am not racked with self-loathing. Some issues of guilt and shame, but I'm a pretty good guy.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #866968
#19. If you want something Scottish, go get yourself a kilt.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #890213
#20. I have a very good memory for scripts. I can watch a show I like once, then remember about 90% of the script. But ask me who was in it, and I wouldn't have a clue.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #891406
#21. I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #935532
#22. Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #943671
#23. No one wants life to end. It was bad enough when my last tour came to an end.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1031478
#24. The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1062540
#25. Christians, you and your churches don't get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They're your bloody rules! Either stick to them or abandon the faith.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1077291
#26. I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1146468
#27. I think Ross Noble is the only person that I've seen really storm a stand-up slot at a festival, and that was when he led 3,000 people on a conga out of the tent and across the entire site to a vegetarian food truck.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1175071
#28. I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was hooked. It's an amazing feeling.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1175137
#29. I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1284286
#30. I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1347174
#31. I'd lie in bed in my dormitory and grab at bits of my body, wanting to tear them off ... I was so large by then that, in the heat, my thighs chafed together and bled. I was very unhappy, and yet no one ever asked me how I felt.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1387130
#32. I became hugely overweight and then hated myself because it was a form of self-abuse, something over which I had no control. I think the thing compulsive over-eaters want to achieve is that stuffed-full Christmas afternoon feeling.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1441832
#33. If you go on stage with an agenda, you have to accept not everyone's going to agree with it.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1492199
#34. And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performing.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1522660
#35. There are a lot of comics at the top end making staggering amounts of money and selling out stadiums. I think stand-up is a more intimate thing than that. Maybe because of the kind of comedy I do. It's like a discussion, but I'm the one with the microphone.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1592871
#36. I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1607950
#37. If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1704091
#38. I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1718206
#39. Jews, I know you're God's chosen people and the rest of us are just 'whatever', but when Israel behaves like a violent, psychopathic bully and someone mentions it, that doesn't make them anti-Semitic.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1789375
#40. The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had some audiences where I didn't care if they laughed or not because they were either too drunk or stupid.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1805856
#41. I spend my jollity on stage, so there is less in my own life.

Marcus Brigstocke

Marcus Brigstocke Quotes #1875725

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