LIZ Quotes

#1. If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.

LIZ

#2. I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.

LIZ

#3. Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.

LIZ

#4. Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.

LIZ

#5. I will not calm down! Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.

LIZ

#6. There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!

LIZ

#7. When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy.

LIZ

#8. I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider it erotica.

LIZ

#9. Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance ... and for my heart rate.

LIZ

#10. I love Gwen Stefani's style, I think she's dope.

LIZ

#11. We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.

LIZ

#12. I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

LIZ

#13. It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.

LIZ

#14. I support women. I'm like a human BRA.

LIZ

#15. Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.

LIZ

#16. Life is about learning new things and relearning old things.

LIZ

#17. You wanna party? It's $500 for kissing and $10,000 for snuggling. End of list.

LIZ

#18. I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!

LIZ

#19. I got into songwriting because I'm not very good at communicating sometimes, just my true words, so music was always my way of expressing myself and being able to put things into lyrics that I couldn't say necessarily in my everyday life.

LIZ

#20. I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money.

LIZ

#21. You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?

LIZ

#22. Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn't mean I don't love America?

LIZ

#23. I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?

LIZ

#24. If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.

LIZ

#25. Just need to rave for a moment about the scrubbing cleanser ... I have only ever found one (chemical filled) product that REALLY cleans my shower/tub, until now. The Ava Anderson scrubbing cleanser is amazing! Cleans the toughest dirty spots and smells absolutely delightful. LOVE IT!

LIZ

#26. Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.

LIZ

#27. If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.

LIZ

#28. Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?

LIZ

#29. I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff.

LIZ

#30. Thanks, it's my own recipe. I use cheddar cheese instead of water.

LIZ

#31. I grew up around a lot of boys - all my friends on my street were boys, so I was the only girl for a while hanging out with them. I have a little bit of a tomboy aspect; I love to be comfortable. But, I do have a sexy girly side as well - I just love sportswear.

LIZ

#32. I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.

LIZ

#33. Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.

LIZ

#34. You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.

LIZ

#35. Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.

LIZ

#36. All the pain on the outside can not undo what is felt on the inside.

LIZ

#37. God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.

LIZ

#38. Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?

LIZ

#39. My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.

LIZ

#40. I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.

LIZ

#41. In my experience, 'let's think about it' usually ends up as me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night.

LIZ

#42. I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.

LIZ

#43. I have many, many voices. I talk to my dogs like in the strangest voices you can imagine.

LIZ

#44. My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.

LIZ

#45. Nothing like a good rib tickling read like Fifty Shades of Grey

LIZ

#46. One of my New Year's resolutions is to say 'yes!' Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more!

LIZ

#47. OK, here's a little bedroom tip: Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave beforehand. That way when you're done, you have a treat.

LIZ

#48. You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.

LIZ

#49. Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.

LIZ