Keith Waterhouse Quotes

#1. I cannot bring myself to vote for a woman who has been voice-trained to speak to me as though my dog has just died.

Keith Waterhouse

#2. A consultation process is what some authority sets in motion preparatory to doing what it intended all along.

Keith Waterhouse

#3. Ninety-five percent of all statistics, including this one, are bogus.

Keith Waterhouse

#4. Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where I might find the humour section. Peering over her granny glasses, she enquired, Humour studies would that be, sir?

Keith Waterhouse

#5. Never look to politicians to solve your problems, they will only create new ones.

Keith Waterhouse

#6. Trying to keep up with current slang sucks.

Keith Waterhouse

#7. The 50s face was angry, the 60s face was well-fed, the 70s face was foxy. Perhaps it was the right expression: there was a lot to be wary about.

Keith Waterhouse

#8. I turn over a new leaf every day. But the blots show through.

Keith Waterhouse

#9. Should not the Society of Indexers be know as Indexers, Society of, The?

Keith Waterhouse

#10. The longer an event is anticipated-a milestone birthday, an eclipse, a new millennium-the more likely it is to be an anti-climax.

Keith Waterhouse

#11. Lying in bed, I abandoned the facts again and was back in Ambrosia.

Keith Waterhouse