Jimmy Durante Quotes & Sayings

#1. Me and my big mouth! I'd get rid of it, only it's such a handy place to keep my teeth.

#2. All of us have schnozzles ... if not in our faces, then in our character, minds or habits. When we admit our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh, and the world laughs with us.

Jimmy Durante

#3. I hate music, especially when it's played.

Jimmy Durante

#4. Why can't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone.

Jimmy Durante

#5. Be nice to people on your way up becuase you meet them on your way down

Jimmy Durante

#6. My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

Jimmy Durante

#7. If I'd known how old I was going to be I'd have taken better care of myself.

Jimmy Durante

#8. That's the conditions that prevail!

Jimmy Durante

#9. What's a depression? The dictionary says a depression is a dent. And what's a dent? Everybody knows a dent is a hole. And what's a hole? You tell me what's a hole! And I'll tell you that a hole is nothin'!

Jimmy Durante

#10. It dawned on me then that as long as I could laugh, I was safe from the world; and I have learned since that laughter keeps me safe from myself, too.

Jimmy Durante

#11. Now you know that you can't go wrong ... If you start each day with a song.

Jimmy Durante

#12. Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.

Jimmy Durante

#13. Be kind to people on the way up - you'll meet them again on your way down.

Jimmy Durante

#14. What did Napolean do for relaxation? He read a book. What did Lincoln do for relaxation? He read a book. What does Congress do for relaxation? They book a red.

Jimmy Durante

#15. Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

Jimmy Durante

#16. I was hurt so deep that I made up my mind never to hurt anybody else, no matter what. I never made jokes about anybody's big ears, their stut- terin', or about them bein' off their nut.

Jimmy Durante