Top 100 Caroline Kepnes Quotes
#1. You never sounded farther away from me and I will take that balloon and stab the fuck out of and at the same time I will take that balloon and tie it around Peach's neck because WHO THE FUCK CAN CUNT OUT OVER A BALLOON?
Caroline Kepnes
#3. If people could handle their self-loathing, customer service would be smoother.
Caroline Kepnes
#4. See how you were talking to me before you even knew me?
Caroline Kepnes
#5. Dope guac," says some asshole, and I pick up a Dorito and shove it into the guac. There is nothing remarkable about this guac, about any guac, and California needs to calm the fuck down. They're just avocados. Guac is guac and while sometimes it's slimy and disgusting, it's never delicious.
Caroline Kepnes
#6. There comes a point when the universe needs to get on your side or go fuck itself and the universe gets in line.
Caroline Kepnes
#7. And I will never again underestimate the power of anticipation. There is no better boost in the present than an invitation into the future.
Caroline Kepnes
#8. This is why America loves Stephen King so much; he keeps us on the edge of our seats until it hurts.
Caroline Kepnes
#9. There is nothing remarkable about this 'guac', about any 'guac', and California needs to calm the fuck down.
Caroline Kepnes
#10. Your online life is a variety show, so if anything, the fact that you didn't put me in your stand-up act means you covet me. Maybe even more than I realize, since right now your hand is heading to your cunt yet again.
Caroline Kepnes
#11. It is my destiny to know people who abuse punctuation.
Caroline Kepnes
#12. There is no better boost in the present than an invitation to the future.
Caroline Kepnes
#13. I wish there were a way for me to ask about a red ladle but it's not a normal question
Caroline Kepnes
#14. But the most important thing I know is that I want the possibility of you more than the reality of [her].
Caroline Kepnes
#15. So the good news is, I know exactly what I want."
"You do?" I say and I hope you'll ask me to eat you out in the bathroom at Starbuck's.
Caroline Kepnes
#16. She thinks she's so smart but if you erase an hour, it doesn't mean shit, not unless you erase the weeks leading up to that hour.
Caroline Kepnes
#17. bBecause he simply doesn't see his dreams in detail, the kind of details that drive a person to pack their shit, to move.
Caroline Kepnes
#18. Love is kind, love is patient but also, mainly, above all - yes - Love is perverted.
Caroline Kepnes
#20. If you don't start with crazy, crazy love, the kind of love that Van Morrison sings about, then you don't have a shot to go the distance. Love's a marathon, Danny, not a sprint.
Caroline Kepnes
#21. That's why you leave the windows open. You don't know how to be alone with yourself. And if you block out the world, there you'd be.
Caroline Kepnes
#22. you want to know what I know and hear what I like to hear.
Caroline Kepnes
#23. And there is nothing more terrifying than realizing the one who knows you best loves you least.
Caroline Kepnes
#24. you're a writer when we (I) know what you truly are: a performer, an exhibitionist.
Caroline Kepnes
#25. It's June and the city is ripe with meaningless fecal heat. It will be a different kind of hot in LA, the kind that made the Beach Boys all tan and giddy, a heat that doesn't harass you in the shade.
Caroline Kepnes
#26. if there's one dude that everyone on the Upper West Side will welcome with open arms, it's the fucking jogger.
Caroline Kepnes
#27. She looks out the window at Reno, which looks like Vegas and yet also looks nothing like Vegas. It's lesser, smaller, worse.
Caroline Kepnes
#29. Los Angeles is full of places to hide a body, but when the person inside the body doesn't love you, it's not an easy thing, turning that breathing person into a dead one.
Caroline Kepnes
#30. New England: All of the Bitterness, Most of the Boating, None of the Bullshit.
Caroline Kepnes
#31. I cry and watch Pitch Perfect and sing along with the Barden Bellas. I don't want to be a person who knows the name of a fictional a cappella group in a chick flick but that's what love has done to me.
Caroline Kepnes
#32. Most people die old, full of pain and regret. Or young and full of drugs and self-indulgence - or sheer bad luck.
Caroline Kepnes
#34. She says you can't pretend you have nothing when you have so much.
Caroline Kepnes
#35. Because you're a girl, you included a photo of Mystic Pizza.
Caroline Kepnes
#36. A poet is different. A poet transforms the world with Such small hands.
Caroline Kepnes
#37. You can tell when something is right because most things are just plain wrong.
Caroline Kepnes
#38. Full of disclaimers, you're like a warning label on a pack of cigarettes.
Caroline Kepnes
#39. Yeah, I don't have a Yale degree but my bullshit detector is excellent. Top drawer, even.
Caroline Kepnes
#40. He's been to rehab, which is a travesty; you can tell by his smug face that he's not capable of genuine addiction.
Caroline Kepnes
#41. That's the problem with this never-ending centipede of lemmings, Beck. You know they're all pussies, each and every one of 'em. They buy these books to get scared because their lives are too easy. How pathetic is that?
Caroline Kepnes
#42. You grow through love. You don't postpone love until you stop growing.
Caroline Kepnes
#43. Now there are elements of our dynamic coming slowly into view, like a photograph in a darkroom.
Caroline Kepnes
#45. I don't feel sorry for myself, Beck. Lots of people have shitty parents and roaches in the cabinets and stale, raw Pop-Tarts for dinner and a TV that barely works and a dad who doesn't care when his son doesn't come home during a national disaster. The thing is, I'm lucky. I had the bookstore.
Caroline Kepnes
#46. You are a woman and I am a man and we belong in the dark together.
Caroline Kepnes
#47. The real horror of my life is not that I've killed some terrible people. The real horror is that the people I've loved didn't love me back.
Caroline Kepnes
#48. The assholes are always puzzled when the order of the universe is restored, when they are held accountable for their cowardly, pretentious, loveless ways.
Caroline Kepnes
#49. Cunts want to be snowflakes, they want you to tell them how nobody in this whole world compares to them, apologizes to Prince. All the little fame monsters on Instagram, look at me, I put jam on my toast.
Caroline Kepnes
#50. They're in their own world, where good things happen, a quarter mile and a million light years away.
Caroline Kepnes
#51. Don't make a baby if you're not capable of unconditional love.
Caroline Kepnes
#52. Coachella is a festival fashion show where people dress up like hippies and pretend that Passion Pit is as good as the Rolling Stones.
Caroline Kepnes
#53. Your lips were made for mine, Beck. You are the reason I have a mouth, a heart.
Caroline Kepnes
#54. My middle school health teacher told us that you can hold eye contact for ten seconds before scaring or seducing someone.
Caroline Kepnes
#55. We all get our hearts broken. We get fucked up and throw up and we cry and listen to sad songs and say we're never doing that again. But to be alive is to do it again. To love is to risk everything
Caroline Kepnes
#56. And what did you say?" "I said I think that all children do better with happy parents than married parents.
Caroline Kepnes
#57. She winks. "I hope you like pineapples."
I fucking hate pineapples. "Love 'em," I say. "Bring it.
Caroline Kepnes
#58. A book lets you choose how much of the blood you want to see. A book gives you the permission to see the story as you want, as your mind directs.
Caroline Kepnes
#59. Kate Hudson's entire career exists because people who fall in love sometimes tell lies about where they work.
Caroline Kepnes
#60. You smile, embarrassed to be a nice girl, and your nails are bare and your V-neck sweater is beige and it's impossible to know if you're wearing a bra but I don't think that you are.
Caroline Kepnes
#61. It's a sad and grotesque thing that you and your friends have become so accustomed to lies that the truth has to be prefaced because it's inherently surprising, a startling departure from the lies that comprise your lives.
Caroline Kepnes
#62. I like that. Every time. Instead of 'anytime.' It's pointed." "Well, I mean it.
Caroline Kepnes
#64. your friends "liked" your status in a way that leaves no doubt that you were the one dumped.
Caroline Kepnes
#65. I hope that most people at this point in time realize that Prince is one of the great poets of our time. I didn't say songwriter - I said poet. Prince is the closest thing we have to e. e. cummings and people are so stupid because they don't come in here and buy books of Prince poems. It
Caroline Kepnes
#66. This is why people like writing. You visit old friends without having to go on Facebook and see what they're up to and deal with what idiots called FOMO. You make them into what you want them to be, the people they could be if only they were braver, smarter.
Caroline Kepnes
#67. This is what all the love songs are about, the moment when
you find your own way forward with someone and there is no turning back.
Caroline Kepnes
#68. I don't like this culture of reading a book and spitting out an immediate reaction.
Caroline Kepnes
#69. Well, sometimes you just want to go where it's dark, you know?
Caroline Kepnes
#70. I grew up with no religion and she had all religion. She celebrates everything and I celebrate nothing.
Caroline Kepnes
#71. If we were teenagers, I could kiss you. But I'm on a platform behind a counter wearing a name tag and we're too old to be young.
Caroline Kepnes
#72. Making It in Hollywood is the most disgusting phrase in the English language. It's more disturbing than prolific serial killer and rare terminal illness.
Caroline Kepnes
#73. Love is breathing heavily, it's clear she's never talked about this to anyone. You know when someone is opening up a so private, that there isn't a key.
Caroline Kepnes
#74. In the cage, you feel loved, not trapped. Just like me.
Caroline Kepnes
#76. You are a monster, deathly, solipsistic to the bone and you're blasphemous because all you want is You
Caroline Kepnes
#77. You finish sending a text and relax your arms and lower your legs and when animals open up like that, they want to fuck.
Caroline Kepnes
#78. It is possible to know people. They show you who they are. You just have to be looking.
Caroline Kepnes
#80. I tell you to slow down and you don't listen and I almost love what a cunt you can be because one of these days you're gonna tie me to a bed and slap me and lord over me the way you lord over all people who get in your way. You're so revved up and I want to play with you and I do.
Caroline Kepnes
#81. I wish it were socially acceptable to brandish a knife.
Caroline Kepnes
#83. There's emptiness in him that can never be filled, emptiness that dresses up well at prep school, where a lack of willpower is called creativity.
Caroline Kepnes
#84. Brunch, a meal invented by rich white chicks to rationalize day drinking and bingeing on French toast.
Caroline Kepnes
#85. only takes one weirdo to spot you inside and decide to go and get you.
Caroline Kepnes
#86. Some people, it's like they care more about their status updates than their actual lives.
Caroline Kepnes
#87. She cackles and her accent is so thick that I feel bad for the words coming out of her mouth.
Caroline Kepnes
#88. It's not romantic and it's a daylight date but I understand that your attraction to me is so intense that you need to keep a safe distance.
Caroline Kepnes
#89. Work in a bookstore and learn that most people in this world feel guilty about being who they are.
Caroline Kepnes
#90. Louisa May Alcott is right. An extraordinary girl can't have an ordinary life. Don't judge yourself. Love yourself.
Caroline Kepnes
#91. And when a girl likes talking about you more than talking to you, well, in my experience, that's the end.
Caroline Kepnes
#92. I love Stephen King as much as any red rum drinking American, but I resent the fact that I, the bookseller, am his bitch.
Caroline Kepnes
#93. And when she cums she screams and she throws a pillow across the room, it goes out the window, over the balcony.
Caroline Kepnes
#95. All the joy is gone, somewhere along the way she broke her own heart and without a heart you can't get better.
Caroline Kepnes
#96. You blush. You are Charlotte's Web and I could love you.
Caroline Kepnes
#98. You ooze joy and she is an open wound, shrill and wan, unfucked and unloved.
Caroline Kepnes
#99. And [Benji] cheats on you, Beck. A lot. Compulsively. He is in intense pursuit of a performance artist who fucks with his head the way he fucks with yours.
Caroline Kepnes
#100. Thank you so much." "Every time." "I like that. Every time. Instead of 'anytime.' It's pointed.
Caroline Kepnes
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