Andrew Shaffer Quotes

#1. Aren't we running out of things to discover? The short answer is 'no'. The long answer is also 'no'. There's still plenty of things we don't know, both large and small.

Andrew Shaffer

#2. She hands me a security badge that says VIRGIN.

Andrew Shaffer

#3. As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait ... I don't have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven't been looking into the mirror. I've been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.

Andrew Shaffer

#4. The people are so small, they look like ants (although they're Walmart customers, so they look like obese ants).

Andrew Shaffer

#5. He hands me his shopping list and I lead him through the store in search of the items. Duct tape? Plastic wrap? A hacksaw? Who is this guy, Dexter?

Andrew Shaffer

#6. The building is a ginormous 175-story office building that juts into the sky like a glass and steel erection.

Andrew Shaffer

#7. No man is an island," he says. "Islands are made of dirt and rocks and trees. I don't know any people made of such things. Therefore, people are not islands.

Andrew Shaffer

#8. You can survive up to three weeks without food. You can only survive for three days without water. No one knows how many days you can survive without caffeine.

Andrew Shaffer

#9. If the food supply runs out, try trapping or hunting animals. For most people, this won't be easy. If you can't catch any animals, it's time to throw a Donner party.

Andrew Shaffer

#10. What if you suddenly saw a two-ton great white shark barreling through the air toward your face? Such a sight defies all logic. "That's fake," you mumble. Your brain shorts out. Your legs won't move. Without this book, the best you can hope for is to be killed in a dry pair of underwear.

Andrew Shaffer

#11. If it's dive-bombing you from the air, bury yourself in the sand. It might lose sight of you. Also, no one likes to eat food covered in sand. No one.

Andrew Shaffer

#12. Don't needlessly draw attention to yourself. If you're twerking on the beach, a circling pteracuda could mistake you for a wounded animal.

Andrew Shaffer

#13. I shake his hand, and feel the jolt of electricity again from him. He laughs and raises his hand to show me the joy-buzzer in his palm.

Andrew Shaffer

#14. 3. When making your dramatic exit, crawl along one of the web strands that extend outward from the center. Avoid the webbing that runs in concentric circles, as it's the stickiest.
4. Once you've escaped, say something snarky to the queen, like "Sorry I couldn't stick around.

Andrew Shaffer

#15. Abby had a little experience with the rap genre already - she used to spit rhymes with this little blond neighbor kid when she would visit her aunt and uncle in Detroit. Marshall something. Great kid. A little tightly wound.

Andrew Shaffer

#16. The receptionist laughs. Relax. It just means you're a first-time visitor here at Gray Holdings.

Andrew Shaffer

#17. Stop it, girl. There's no way he's five-years-old. Or one hundred. He's probably like every other CEO on the planet: Late twenties, handsome in that geeky sort of way, and just as awkward as you. I breathe a sigh of relief, because I know I'm probably right.

Andrew Shaffer

#18. Most times, my mind is just an ongoing, present-tense, first-person monologue. It's like I'm writing a novel, constantly, but only in my brain.

Andrew Shaffer

#19. Who is this man I'm supposed to interview, this man whose last name is the same as the color of my sweatpants? Is that a sign?

Andrew Shaffer

#20. I have hobbies," he says, smirking. "Physical pursuits: Base-jumping, hang-gliding, underwater basket-weaving.

Andrew Shaffer