Amir Levine Quotes

#1. our culture encourages you [with an anxious attachment style] to believe that many of your needs are illegitimate. But whether they are legitimate or not for someone else is beside the point. They are essential for your happiness, and that is what's important.

Amir Levine

#2. The trick is not to get hooked on the highs and lows and mistake an activated attachment system for passion or love. Don't let emotional unavailability turn you on.

Amir Levine

#3. It's important to remember that even with effective communication, some problems won't be solved immediately. What's vital is your partner's response--whether he or she is concerned about your well-being, has your best interests in mind, and is willing to work on things.

Amir Levine

#4. Usually, if you address things that are bothering you from the get-go and receive a positive response, our whole demeaner will change. Worries and fears surface more when you are not communicating your concerns and are letting things build up.

Amir Levine

#5. When your partner feels s/he has a secure base to fall back on (and doesn't feel the need to work hard to get close), and when you don't feel the need to distance yourself, you'll both be better able to look outward and do your own thing.

Amir Levine

#6. if you're with someone secure, they nurture you into a more secure stance.

Amir Levine

#7. Feeling close and complete with someone else -- the emotional equivalent of finding a home

Amir Levine

#8. Instead of thinking how you can change yourself in order to please your partner, as so many relationship books advise, think: Can this person provide what I need in order to be happy?

Amir Levine

#9. It is very important that you be compassionate with yourself. The worse you feel about yourself, the more you'll want to go back to the false safety of the bad relationship you were in. Your attachment system gets activated more when you feel bad about yourself

Amir Levine

#10. Susan, who has an avoidant attachment style, ... sees need as a weakness and looks down on people who become dependent on their partner,

Amir Levine

#11. Most people are only as needy as their unmet needs.

Amir Levine