Top 51 Yakov's Quotes
#1. I did a show called 'What A Country,' with Yakov Smirnoff and Don Knotts. I used to write jokes for Yakov's stand-up act.
Mike Scully
#2. I have American in-laws, and I care about the environment. We don't use disposable diapers, which, of course, creates an environmental problem of our own.
Yakov Smirnoff
#3. If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it.
Yakov Smirnoff
#4. In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
Yakov Smirnoff
#5. In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!
Yakov Smirnoff
#6. In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!
Yakov Smirnoff
#7. The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
Yakov Smirnoff
#8. Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile.
Yakov Smirnoff
#9. Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.
Yakov Smirnoff
#11. When the needs of one person are being met by the other, there is laughter.
Yakov Smirnoff
#12. We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.
Yakov Smirnoff
#13. I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.
Yakov Smirnoff
#14. In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!
Yakov Smirnoff
#16. To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper.
Yakov Smirnoff
#17. Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling.
Yakov Smirnoff
#18. I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.
Yakov Smirnoff
#19. Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.
Yakov Smirnoff
#20. We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.
Yakov Smirnoff
#21. We have a choice - we can both think and feel, using our heads and our hearts.
Yakov Smirnoff
#22. Comedians are always hitting the topical notes that are on everybody's minds.
Yakov Smirnoff
#23. In America, you can always find a party.
In Soviet Russia, Party always find you!
Yakov Smirnoff
#25. In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.
Yakov Smirnoff
#27. I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.
Yakov Smirnoff
#28. I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good.
Yakov Smirnoff
#29. I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.
Yakov Smirnoff
#30. Yakov Mikhailovich, as we have already said, believed fervently in the power of the human intellect. There are no insoluble problems, only incompetent problem solvers.
Boris Akunin
#31. In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.
Yakov Smirnoff
#32. The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.
Yakov Smirnoff
#33. Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.
Yakov Smirnoff
#34. In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drive you!
Yakov Smirnoff
#35. After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.
Yakov Smirnoff
#36. Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year. That's why you need a strong line of communication ... which includes laughter.
Yakov Smirnoff
#37. I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.
Yakov Smirnoff
#38. It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.
Yakov Smirnoff
#39. In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.
Yakov Smirnoff
#42. Russian men have a saying: "Women are like buses ... " That's it.
Yakov Smirnoff
#43. My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love.
Yakov Smirnoff
#44. Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.
Yakov Smirnoff
#45. People in Tulsa are totally friendly; the crowds are very nice.
Yakov Smirnoff
#46. As Americans after 9/11, we're much more united, together as a nation, and we got stronger, better, and more at peace. By peace, I mean the harmony you can feel in our united determination to fight these terrorists and killers.
Yakov Smirnoff
#47. We decided it here. Ilyich [Lenin] believed that we shouldn't leave the Whites a live banner to rally around, especially under the present difficult circumstances.
Yakov Sverdlov
#49. So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.
Jon Stewart
#51. I was this non-threatening funny guy who contrasted the image of the Brezhnevs and the Reagans of the world.
Yakov Smirnoff
