Top 26 Western Humor Quotes
#1. If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ in color for a full hour, there would be a considerable number of stations which would decline to carry it on the grounds that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
Edward R. Murrow
#2. Butch: Now after we ... wait a minute ...
Sundance: What?
Butch: You didn't see Lefors out there?
Sundance: Lefors ? No.
Butch: Good. For a minute there I thought we were in trouble.
William Goldman
#4. What's all the row over at Ben's?" [Mrs. Ide] inquired, placidly, from her comfortable chair.
"Rustlers, cattle, foremen, sheriffs, and Heaven only knows what," replied Hettie, distractedly.
Zane Grey
#5. I'll do anything. I'll shave my head for the right job. I'm partial to my facial hair, I guess, but I also enjoy doing something where I look totally different, which is kind of the reason why I've always worn long hair. I can really change my look radically by getting rid of it.
Sam Elliott
#6. Surprisin' a li'l ol' five foot tumble would kill a healthy feller like Charley," opined Barstow.
"Well, Jim Ed, we have to remember that that hemp neckerchief he was a-wearin' at the time, had ten, twelve inches, maybe less, slack than that to it.
D.V. Pyle
#7. All the stories we've been telling about the presence of an evil power in the world, all the dark characters that have sent chills down our spines and given us restless nights - they are spoken to us as warnings.
There is evil cast around us ... there is an evil force in this world.
John Eldredge
#8. All your Western theologies, the whole mythology of them, are based on the concept of God as a senile delinquent
Tennessee Williams
#9. I've met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited to
school for Career Day.
Rick Riordan
#10. What I remember are tentacles. Tentacles and teeth.
Daryl Gregory
#11. By all the rules of modern fiction there should have been gunsmoke mingling its acrid blue with the brown haze of corral dust. Dead men should have fallen and been trampled ...
Nothing of this sort happened.
B.M. Bower
#12. If we define an American fascist as one who in case of conflict puts money and power ahead of human beings, then there are undoubtedly several million fascists in the United States.
Henry A. Wallace
#13. A sense of humor is a sense of proportion. It is also a sense of delight
delight in noting life has its incongruities and absurdities and that we can live in spite of them.
John Frederick Nims (WESTERN WIND: AN INTRODUCTION TO POETRY)
Margaret Jean Langstaff
#14. What was achieved under Nazi-fascism through bloody terror against the organized workers' movement and the people is to be achieved again today in West Europe through the information society
Red Army Faction
#15. Use your head for something more than to give your hat a ride, can't you?
B.M. Bower
#16. 'Well, I think of you as a straight shooter, Sheriff, but one who can't stop lustin' after the goddamn ineffable.'
"She said that, hunh?"
"Yup."
"Shitfire, Sheriff, what'd you do?"
"Well, I shot her.
Robert Coover
#17. though, was perched high inside the massive tower that was the centerpiece
Christie Golden
#18. I'll try to turn the other cheek....But I've only got two and they're both stinging.
Heather Blanton
#19. A lot of people don't think my brother has a temper. It's like they assume I somehow sucked up the entire quota of "cranky," and now Shaun's perpetually cheery and ready for a challenge while I glower at people from behind my sunglasses and plot the downfall of the Western world.
Mira Grant
#20. A life lived alone simply feels long and boring. But a life shared with someone you love reaches the place of parting in no time at all.
Kyoichi Katayama
#21. When I envied a man's spurs then they were indeed worth coveting.
Zane Grey
#22. With a camera, one has to love individual cases.
Robert Adams
#23. The only characters I ever don't like are ones that leave no impression on me. And I don't write characters that leave no impression on me.
Lauren DeStefano
#24. Western doctors are like poor plumbers. They treat a splashing tube by cleaning up the water. These plumbers are extremely apt at drying up the water, constantly inventing new, expensive, and refined methods of drying up water. Somebody should teach them how to close the tap.
Denis Parsons Burkitt
#25. The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority. Here was a person for whom the word 'pen' had two syllables. He people undoubtedly drank from clay jugs and hollered for Paw when the vittles were ready
so who was she to advise me on anything?
David Sedaris
#26. Some people call me sick and twisted. I feel that I'm neither; I am instead a Romantic.
Kenzie Western
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