Top 100 Tucker Max Quotes
#1. FK THAT. I AM TUCKER MAX. I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.
Tucker Max
#2. I'm at the point, frankly, where I'd rather deal with a misogynist with a copy of Tucker Max's book in his backpack over someone in sensitive emo-boy clothing, because both are misogynists, only the one with the backpack is more honest about just how scared of women he is.
Julie Klausner
#3. Publishing companies are like schoolyard bullies that can't even fight well.
Tucker Max
#4. I feel like taking her money AND her soul is not cool. One or the other.
Tucker Max
#5. I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures.
Tucker Max
#6. If you like to argue just for the sake of being contentious, you shouldn't pick a job based on this unresolved emotional issue of yours, you should get counseling for it.
Tucker Max
#7. I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester.
Tucker Max
#8. Having a soft major is nowhere near the career death sentence that so many make it out to be. The world is changing, and the U.S. economy with it. Our economy is shifting to a service- and information-based economy, and soft majors are already becoming more and more valuable.
Tucker Max
#9. I'm not some movie star relying on a studio. I have my own fans and I earned them.
Tucker Max
#11. Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.
Tucker Max
#12. If your parents ignored you, or if they are just not emotionally available, or if they yell a lot, that is a type of trauma.
Tucker Max
#13. You know, even big-time academics kind of have groupies. Anyone with any sort of fame. So, like, in your micro-world, or in your niche, you're kind of like a celebrity.
Tucker Max
#14. I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.
Tucker Max
#15. Things always work out for me because I do whatever I want without worrying about the consequences.
Tucker Max
#16. This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don't suffer fools well.
Tucker Max
#17. The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them
Tucker Max
#18. The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.
Tucker Max
#19. It used to be that companies with industrial economies of scale created business success. Now, success will come from the information economies of scale, either the ones with complete breadth, or complete depth.
Tucker Max
#20. Think about it: If you don't have any actual, tangible skills, then how can you do anything? You may be laughing and nodding, but do you realize how few people, when asked the basic question, 'What can you do?' stumble on the answer and have nothing to say? Most people.
Tucker Max
#21. My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about.
Tucker Max
#22. I've heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a professor
Tucker Max
#23. Calling one thing 'literature' and another 'fiction' is a way to create status where there is none.
Tucker Max
#24. Yes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but everyone forgets the second half of that quote: the road to heaven is paved with good actions.
Tucker Max
#25. Unless you plan on making academia your life, all you need to know about postmodernism is that its premises are fundamentally wrong.
Tucker Max
#26. Yinzer: DAMN!! I wish I had your balls! Tucker:I wish you had a breath mint, but I guess we don't always get what we wish for.
Tucker Max
#27. What people who don't create don't understand, is that once you take money from the machine, the machine [movie industry] owns you.
Tucker Max
#28. The meaning of life is to create meaning for your life.
Tucker Max
#29. I always laugh when people call me a misogynist. I ... love women! Everything I do is to impress women. And if I hated women, why would half my fans be women?
Tucker Max
#30. As a general rule, whenever guys have problems approaching girls, it's because they're afraid of rejection or they're afraid of something specific. The way that you get over a fear like that is you figure out what the worst is that can happen.
Tucker Max
#31. When I give speeches at college, I don't tell stories, I talk about what it is to live your dreams and take the path less traveled.
Tucker Max
#32. Tell beautiful women they are smart, and smart women they are beautiful.
Tucker Max
#33. I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other.
Tucker Max
#34. We can't get kicked out of McDonald's! This is like the DMZ of drunk eating.
Tucker Max
#35. Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.
Tucker Max
#36. Girl3 "You don't have to be a jerk"
SlingBlade "Quite the contrary, my sloppy penile scholar.Order me another drink and be quick about it.
Tucker Max
#37. The point of psychoanalysis is to really understand the roots of your behavior. Understand why you are doing the things you're doing - and connect your unconscious to your conscious.
Tucker Max
#38. The only thing that someone could say about me that would hurt me would be something that's true that I don't want to be.
Tucker Max
#39. Whatever your favorite food is, if you eat it every day for a month, you're going to get sick of it.
Tucker Max
#40. Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.
Tucker Max
#41. Look at the scope of writers who sell stuff. I'm at the very top of the power curve in terms of sales.
Tucker Max
#42. I started writing because it was about making my friends laugh, and when you're talking to your friends, you can't bullshit.
Tucker Max
#43. If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.
Tucker Max
#44. I hated being a lawyer and I wanted to like myself and like my job.
Tucker Max
#45. Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.
Tucker Max
#46. She was quite promiscuous, to the point where dating her was similar to the experience of sitting on a warm toilet seat:
Tucker Max
#47. SlingBlade: If you EVER speak ill of the McGriddle again I will personally force-feed you one while I fuck you in the butt using the wrapper as a condom and then donkey punch you when the infused syrup nuggets explode in your mouth.
Tucker Max
#48. There is no number or level of success that would make me think, 'Wow, I didn't think that was possible.'
Tucker Max
#49. You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.
Tucker Max
#50. Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.
Tucker Max
#51. The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded".
Tucker Max
#52. My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?
Tucker Max
#53. 5:16 I shotgun two beers, piss out the bedroom window, catcall passing girls, burp violently, put cage fighting on tv, play with myself. I feel manly again.
Tucker Max
#54. FUCK. This is not good. I'm allergic to whiskey. I think maybe I should explain this to her, and request a different alcohol. Then I remember that I am awesome. Even fighting through anaphylactic shock, I can STILL bury this emotionally unstable, bulimic undergrad.
Tucker Max
#55. There is always more demand for great content then there will be great content to satisfy it.
Tucker Max
#56. It's like a mini Bourbon Street with less culture and more disgusting hookers.
Tucker Max
#57. Books are so cheap and easy to get that people don't bother stealing them, which is the essential rule of piracy that the music business learned much too late.
Tucker Max
#58. Usually, whatever people's particular political leaning is, they either think I'm just like them or the opposite.
Tucker Max
#59. I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.
Tucker Max
#60. I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them.
Tucker Max
#61. I've never really had a media edifice supporting me.
Tucker Max
#62. I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.
Tucker Max
#63. No sheep wants to be first through the gate, but every sheep will be second.
Tucker Max
#64. Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me"
Tucker: "I don't understand the question.
Tucker Max
#65. I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.
Tucker Max
#66. Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.
Tucker Max
#67. I could never kill myself. What if it doesn't work. Then I'll have failed at the only thing that could save me from my failures. Where do you go from there?
Tucker Max
#68. His first question shows how well he knows me:
TheRoommate: Did you take any money out of her purse?
Tucker Max
#69. If you want to be seen as courageous by some and hated by others, just say what you really think.
Tucker Max
#70. I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist. (Quoting feedback from a reader)
Tucker Max
#71. Due to the potent combination of my sexual recklessness and the slutty nature of some of the girls I have slept with, I have accumulated enough stories and anecdotes about abortion that they could name a Planned Parenthood clinic after me.
Tucker Max
#72. I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.
Tucker Max
#73. There aren't a whole lot of people in culture that are unapologetically masculine.
Tucker Max
#74. You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.
Tucker Max
#75. The thing that I think about the most, and is the most rewarding to me, is the whole past. That I kind of went from nothing to something and I did it on my own, and I did it through hard work and smarts.
Tucker Max
#76. I think I just pick really smart and motivated people to work with - people who are probably going to do great things anyway - and I just teach them what I know, maybe teach them how to think a little clearer than they did before, and then off they go.
Tucker Max
#77. You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.
Tucker Max
#78. No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.
Tucker Max
#79. When your buddy tells you a movie is good, that's worth 2,000 commercials.
Tucker Max
#80. I don't even pursue girls anymore. I mean, I could obviously still pursue girls. It's not like I can't. But I don't have to pursue girls anymore. Girls come to me.
Tucker Max
#81. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.
Tucker Max
#82. The hardest lesson I've had to learn in my life is that my intelligence is inversely correlated to my humility. The more I thought I knew, the less I actually knew.
Tucker Max
#83. Social media for the majority of companies is not about helping customers or improving products.
Tucker Max
#84. If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.
Tucker Max
#85. To get hwat you want out of life, all you really need to do is be honest about it, don't be afraid to go for it, and have fun while you do it
and you'll eventually get it.
Tucker Max
#86. I tell the truth, and truth is the ultimate defense against libel.
Tucker Max
#87. Hi. I haven't insulted you yet, have I?
Tucker Max
#88. My parents got divorced when I was around a year old. My dad was essentially a nonentity in my life until I got to be about 16 or so. My mom was a flight attendant for PanAm, so I moved all over the world. London, Rio de Janeiro.
Tucker Max
#89. Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.
Tucker Max
#90. Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.
Tucker Max
#92. The result of my hard work is that I'm financially independent, I have an amazing life, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anybody.
Tucker Max
#93. It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way.
Tucker Max
#94. Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.
Tucker Max
#95. Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, "Whoa, this is amazing!" At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.
Tucker Max
#96. She is trying to convince me that she never does this and is not that type of girl. It was difficult for me to understand. Her enunciation wasn't very good with my dick in her mouth.
Tucker Max
#97. Women always want the guy that other women want.
Tucker Max
#98. There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.
Tucker Max
#100. At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now.
Tucker Max
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