Top 100 T O P Quotes
#1. Seungri sounds mournful while T.O.P has a masculine and husky voice. My voice is thin, just like when I talk
G-Dragon
#2. One nice thing about the Third World, you don't have to fasten your seat belt. (Or stop smoking. Or cut down on saturated fats.) It takes a lot off your mind when average life expectancy is forty-five minutes.
P. J. O'Rourke
#3. I have no idea if some societies, anthropologically speaking, aren't really suited for democracy. I don't think that's true.
P. J. O'Rourke
#4. One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history.
P. J. O'Rourke
#5. In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn't. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times.
P. J. O'Rourke
#6. Human problems are complex. If something isn't complex it doesn't qualify as problematic. Very simple bad things are not worth troubling ourselves about.
P. J. O'Rourke
#7. What use is it to endure the Dutch Rubs and Indian Rope Burns that are politics if you can't obtain mastery over people and give them noogies back?
P. J. O'Rourke
#8. I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.
P. J. O'Rourke
#9. I don't understand anything about America's culture.
P. J. O'Rourke
#10. They don't like anyone who isn't Korean, and they don't like each other all that much, either. They're hardheaded, hard-drinking, tough little bastards, 'the Irish of Asia'.
P. J. O'Rourke
#11. You better take advantage of the good cigars. You don't get much else in that job.
Thomas P. O'Neill
#12. The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.
P. J. O'Rourke
#13. Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn't mean you're mad at your mailman.
P. J. O'Rourke
#14. A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.
P. J. O'Rourke
#15. You do not question an author who appears on the title page as T.V.N. Persaud, M.D., Ph.D., D.Sc., F.R.C.Path. (Lond.), F.F.Path. (R.C.P.I.), F.A.C.O.G.
Mary Roach
#16. The laws of the marketplace are physical laws, and they don't become suspended in a crisis any more than the law of gravity does.
P. J. O'Rourke
#18. America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.
P. J. O'Rourke
#19. Journalists aren't supposed to praise things. It's a violation of work rules almost as serious as buying drinks with our own money or absolving the CIA of something.
P. J. O'Rourke
#20. I don't understand. All of a sudden, it's not just BA and Runs Scored, it's OBA. And what is with O-P-S?
Harold Reynolds
#22. M o re times a c u s t omer agr e es to a p r o b l em or difficulty, t he m o re likely t he sale
Anonymous
#23. Everything on a boat has a different name than it would have if it weren't on a boat. Either this is ancient seafaring tradition or it's how people who mess around with boats try to impress the rest of us who actually finished college.
P. J. O'Rourke
#24. That's the point. Blood is the point.
B-L-O-O-D I-S T-H-E P-O-I-N-T
If I could bleed out the Crapper into the ring, I'd do it.
If I could bleed out everything that's wrong with my life, I'd bleed until I was empty
A.S. King
#25. I remember thinking cocaine was subtle until I noticed I'd been awake for three weeks and didn't know any of the naked people passed out around me.
P. J. O'Rourke
#26. Australia is not very exclusive. On the visa application they still ask if you've been convicted of a felony - although they are willing to give you a visa even if you haven't been.
P. J. O'Rourke
#27. Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn't afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin.
P. J. O'Rourke
#28. We are endowed with a moral capacity that animals, plants, rocks-and many fervent ecologists-lack. We should not be dirty, wasteful or cruel. To do so harms others. That's wrong. Therefore we don't disembowel Bambi like the way coyotes do, we shoot him first.
P. J. O'Rourke
#29. You can smoke or drink on a golf course without interrupting the game, and you can take a leak - something you can't do on a squash court and shouldn't do in a swimming pool.
P. J. O'Rourke
#30. Once you've built the big machinery of political power, remember you won't always be the one to run it.
P. J. O'Rourke
#31. Our regulatory bodies strive to create honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an advantage over anyone else. But human beings aren't honest. And all trades are made because one person thinks he's getting the better of the other, and the other person thinks the same.
P. J. O'Rourke
#32. If there are three words that need to be used more in American journalism, commentary, politics, personal life ... it's the magic words 'I don't know.'
P. J. O'Rourke
#33. The budget doesn't have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn't have much control over the budget.
P. J. O'Rourke
#34. There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.
P. J. O'Rourke
#35. The problem isn't a Congress that won't cut spending or a president who won't raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money.
P. J. O'Rourke
#36. The best things in life aren't free ... they're given freely, but you have to work hard to keep them - Shane KP O'Neill
Shane K.P. O'Neill
#37. Satan probably wouldn't have talked so big if God had been his wife.
P. J. O'Rourke
#38. Northwest Ohio is flat. There isn't much up. The land is so flat that a child from Toledo is under the impression that the direction hills go is down. Sledding is done down from street level into creek beds and road cuts.
P. J. O'Rourke
#39. My Grandmother wouldn't even speak the word Democrat if there were children in the room, she'd say Bastards instead.
P. J. O'Rourke
#40. Creative writing teachers should be purged until every last instructor who has uttered the words 'Write what you know' is confined to a labor camp. Please, talented scribblers, write what you don't. The blind guy with the funny little harp who composed The Iliad, how much combat do you think he saw?
P. J. O'Rourke
#41. In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter.
P. J. O'Rourke
#42. The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
P. J. O'Rourke
#43. One nice thing about making jokes is that you don't have to prove them.
P. J. O'Rourke
#44. Just because a subject is serious doesn't mean it doesn't have plenty of absurdities.
P. J. O'Rourke
#45. As long as the G.O.P., led by its increasingly visible women, continues to insist that the problem is not their policies but women's failure to understand their own lives and interests, the gender gap won't go away.
Dee Dee Myers
#46. In the American political system, you're only allowed to have real ideas if it's absolutely guaranteed that you can't win an election
P. J. O'Rourke
#47. In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic.
P. J. O'Rourke
#48. All religious believers should be licensed to make sure that they are competent to hold opinions and viewpoints and that they don't believe in just any old thing, such as creationism or a flat tax.
P. J. O'Rourke
#49. Oh come on'P.O.E.T.S.'? 'piss.off.early.tomorrows.saterday.' the weekend approches people!
Dan Abnett
#50. Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did.
P. J. O'Rourke
#51. Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime.
P. J. O'Rourke
#52. One thing talk can't accomplish is communication. This is because everybody's talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying
P. J. O'Rourke
#53. I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do.
P. J. O'Rourke
#54. People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.
P. J. O'Rourke
#55. The best and brightest don't go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
P. J. O'Rourke
#56. Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right.
P. J. O'Rourke
#57. There are a number of Americans who shouldn't vote. The number is 57 percent, to judge by the combined total of Clinton and Perot ballots in the 1996 presidential election.
P. J. O'Rourke
#58. We attacked selected military targets of the P.L.O. Around, civilians were hurt, I don't want to deny it. Very regrettable, very regrettable. We regret it deeply.
Menachem Begin
#59. We all know the types who listen to Pete Seeger songs; even Pete admits they aren't interesting.
P. J. O'Rourke
#60. Rich people don't like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don't go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
P. J. O'Rourke
#61. Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.
P. J. O'Rourke
#62. Farm policy, although it's complex, can be explained. What it can't be is believed. No cheating spouse, no teen with a wrecked family car, no mayor of Washington, D.C., videotaped in flagrante delicto has ever come up with anything as farfetched as U.S. farm policy.
P. J. O'Rourke
#63. Fortunately, I discovered journalism. Talent hasn't been a question since. But
P. J. O'Rourke
#64. Why do elites hate the poor? It's xenophobia. They don't know any poor people - except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don't speak English.
P. J. O'Rourke
#65. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed ... Trouble doesn't come from Slopes, Kikes, Niggers, Spics or White Capitalist Pigs; it comes from the heart.
P. J. O'Rourke
#66. There's a love of rhetorical skill in the Muslim world. Osama bin Laden doesn't just go on tape cassettes and say, 'America sucks.' He recites poetry; he finds things that 'America sucks' rhymes with.
P. J. O'Rourke
#67. Government subsidies can be critically analyzed according to a simple principle: You are smarter than the government, so when the government pays you to do something you wouldn't do on your own, it is almost always paying you to do something stupid.
P. J. O'Rourke
#68. I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, 'Where's the art?' They weren't doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had ... maybe I could even quit renting.
P. J. O'Rourke
#69. Hey this is Lenore! Yup, it sure is Lenore! Huh, maybe he can't hear me, maybe I should spell it. L-e-n-o-p
There's no p in Lenore , Lenore.
Oh yeah? Then what's this raggamuffin? Pssssssssssss
Aaaaagh! How are you even projecting it at that angle!?!
Roman Dirge
#70. We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren't there.
P. J. O'Rourke
#71. We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scutter.
P. J. O'Rourke
#72. A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug - never wraps herself so that the world can't tell.
P. J. O'Rourke
#73. Any time I sit down at my laptop to write and I'm feeling lazy, or that I can't be bothered, or if I'm generally just lacking inspiration, I sit there and remember life with my ex-wife, and the words flow from my fingertips.
Shane K.P. O'Neill
#74. The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders to everybody who doesn't speak German. For this, and several other reasons, Germany is known as 'the land where Israelis learned their manners'.
P. J. O'Rourke
#75. I am a journalist and, under the modern journalist's code of Olympian objectivity (and total purity of motive), I am absolved of responsibility. We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scurry.
P. J. O'Rourke
#76. The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of a phone pole with our whole family strapped inside.
P. J. O'Rourke
#77. If you spend 72 hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don't understand, and you come back as the world's biggest know-it-all, you're a reporter. Either that or you're President Obama.
P. J. O'Rourke
#78. Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn't exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
P. J. O'Rourke
#80. The neo-hippie-dips, the sentimentality-crazed iguana anthropomorphizers, the Chicken Littles, the three-bong-hit William Blakes- thank God these people don't actually go outdoors much, or the environment would be even worse than it is already.
P. J. O'Rourke
#81. Haitians weren't screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is.
P. J. O'Rourke
#82. (Dr. Carson, being a neurosurgeon, probably favors a physiological and biochemical model of brain dysfunction over a Freudian model. This means he was a shoo-in for the presidential nomination if Republicans stayed on their meds. Which they didn't.)
P. J. O'Rourke
#83. The perpetuation of slavery, the exile and extermination of American Indians, and the passage of Jim Crow laws weren't carried out at the bidding of a few malefactors of great wealth.
P. J. O'Rourke
#84. When I board an airplane these days, all the middle-aged men are dressed like me - when I was an 8-year-old. They're in shorts and T-shirts. And it's not just on airplanes. It's in business offices, teachers' lounges, and churches.
P. J. O'Rourke
#85. The real truth about children is they don't speak the language very well. They're physically uncoordinated. And they are ignorant of our elaborate ideas about right and wrong.
P. J. O'Rourke
#86. Microeconomics is about money you don't have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.
P. J. O'Rourke
#87. My mother died of metastatic colorectal cancer shortly before three P.M. on Christmas Day of 2008. I don't know the exact time of her death, because none of us thought to look at a clock for a while after she stopped breathing.
Meghan O'Rourke
#88. I don't mind America becoming a Third World country. The weather is better in the Third World than it is where I live in New Hampshire. And household help will be much cheaper.
P. J. O'Rourke
#89. Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.
P. J. O'Rourke
#90. So what if I don't agree with the Democrats? What's to disagree with? They believe everything. And what they don't believe, the Republicans do. Neither of them stands for anything they believe in, anyway.
P. J. O'Rourke
#91. I didn't see any NRA officials killing babies in Waco ...
P. J. O'Rourke
#92. The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can't do, shouldn't do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known.
P. J. O'Rourke
#93. If death weren't around to 'finalize' the Darwinian process, we'd all still be amoebas.
P. J. O'Rourke
#94. East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.
P. J. O'Rourke
#95. A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It's a promissory note that doesn't actually promise anything. It's not backed by gold or silver.
P. J. O'Rourke
#96. Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
P. J. O'Rourke
#97. You can learn all about the human condition from covering the crime beat in a big city - you don't need to go to Beirut for that - but a foreign correspondent begins to understand poverty from a different perspective.
P. J. O'Rourke
#98. Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.
P. J. O'Rourke
#99. You can't get good chinese takeout in China and cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism.
P. J. O'Rourke
#100. If you spend seventy-two hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don't understand, and you come back as the world's biggest know-it-all, you're a reporter.
P. J. O'Rourke
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