Smoove L Quotes

#1. I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new path.

J. B. Smoove

#2. For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place.

J. B. Smoove

#3. I was the hallway clown in high school.

J. B. Smoove

#4. There're rules to being the side chick. Rule number one: you're number two.

J. B. Smoove

#5. I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there and do their bits; I break every rule in creation. If there's a rule that can be broken in stand-up, I'll do it.

J. B. Smoove

#6. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids, and I can get into the mind of a kid. In my brain, I consider myself the ultimate video game player. The ultimate snack maker.

J. B. Smoove

#7. You don't want to take the world over with a whole hamper full of dirty clothes. That's the main thing people overlook. And take a shower, take a bath every day.

J. B. Smoove

#8. I think what I do in my acting world and what I do in my standup world is bring up a brand that I want to bring across. Once you figure out your brand and what you do, it's kind of easy at that. You end up getting your audience.

J. B. Smoove

#9. Women put guys through tests all the time.

J. B. Smoove

#10. Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

J. B. Smoove

#11. I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use.

J. B. Smoove

#12. In my stand-up, I've always been loose. If there's a curtain onstage, I'll use that in my act. If there's a door, I'll use the door. I always like to use everything at my disposal, which makes each show a little different and a little more fun.

J. B. Smoove

#13. If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does - otherwise it's like bringing Michael Jordan to your basketball team and telling him to just pass the ball and don't shoot.

J. B. Smoove

#14. I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers ... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray club soda and seltzer.

J. B. Smoove

#15. I'm trying to be the Jay-Z of comedy one day. I don't know if there's any comedy moguls out there, but I would love to be the first comedy mogul.

J. B. Smoove

#16. I tell people all the time, as I was going through my process of being a comedian or being an actor and a writer at 'SNL,' I tell people that everything you do is all a piece of your puzzle to determine where you're going to end up at.

J. B. Smoove

#17. I admire Russell Simmons. He is a successful dude that has done a little bit of everything. He keeps it moving, and he's still doing things. Larry David is also amazing. He is honest and blunt. A creative genius.

J. B. Smoove

#18. Believe it or not, I write on stage. I can't write anywhere else; I have to be in a moment. I also have to challenge myself to make something funny out of a premise. I never have my own jokes written. I have to change things as I go along, and I have to entertain myself.

J. B. Smoove

#19. I talked about everything, man. I've always written material that everyone can laugh at. I talked about growing up. I did a lot of physical comedy. That was my thing. I was a physical comedian. I did anything and everything from running on a treadmill, I can paint a picture on stage of anything.

J. B. Smoove

#20. You can't take everything that is offered to you. I pass on a lot of stuff, because I truly believe that I will shine better if I could do it 200 percent rather than do it 80 percent and make it so-so.

J. B. Smoove

#21. I try to dress smooth, I try to keep my face shaved, I try to keep my head cut. I try to do all the things to keep it smooth going!

J. B. Smoove

#22. You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist?

J. B. Smoove

#23. I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious.

J. B. Smoove

#24. I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do a comedy show 12 stories up. I'm fearless about everything else.

J. B. Smoove

#25. I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start playing both characters. I can't hear them, but I can see their mouths moving, so I'll just put words in their mouths.

J. B. Smoove

#26. Curb Your Enthusiasm set me up so perfectly. That was one of my favorite shows before I got on it. That started a whole different level of a story for me. I didn't know how to process it until after I got on the show and realized what the purpose of it was.

J. B. Smoove

#27. Damn! This flight attendant treating us like we won these first class tickets in a contest.

J. B. Smoove

#28. I could never live with you; not 'cause I'm racist or nothing. It's just 'cause as a black man in America, I need to have someone I can come home and complain about white people to. And that just don't work with my white wife.

J. B. Smoove

#29. I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

J. B. Smoove

#30. I think comedy evolves constantly. I reinvent myself all the time. I always find a way to entertain myself because I truly believe you have to entertain yourself in order to relate it the right way to your audience.

J. B. Smoove

#31. If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn't have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If my buddy OG Pearson wouldn't have passed away, I wouldn't have been in L.A. for his memorial, and I would've never auditioned for Curb.

J. B. Smoove

#32. I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures.

J. B. Smoove