Small Town Funny Quotes

#1. It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon.

Jackie Vernon

#2. If my mom sees you here, she'll ---"
"Paper the walls with my innards while the innocents watch?

Jamie Farrell

#3. Well sue me for staring. I'd be willing to scrub away my shame on his washboard abs.

Tia Giacalone

#4. The saddest thing about death, whether it's our own or someone we care for, is when the world doesn't stop when we do.

Darnell Lamont Walker

#5. Josh squeezed her arm. "I'll behave," he murmured. "For now."
She's going to pickle your cucumbers."
"He has more than one?" Natalie whispered.
"That's between me and Kimmie," Josh replied.

Jamie Farrell

#6. Right on time, sugar." Josh draped his arm around her shoulders and steered her through the lobby. "Traffic okay?"
"Yeah, except when that alien spaceship landed on I-90 and then all those crickets jumped out to perform Beethoven's Fifth on kazoos. Otherwise, clear sailing.

Jamie Farrell

#7. I know I screwed up my 'Godzilla.'

Dean Devlin

#8. My town's quite small and you kinda recognize everyone when you see them, so I definitely get funny looks from people.

Birdy

#9. I looked around the tiny bathroom, at the three of us crammed in. A billionaire, a movie star, and a small town girl. It was some sick lesbian twist on Gilligan's Island. I would have laughed but none of it was funny.

Giselle Fox

#10. Doubtless we cannot see that other higher Spaceland now, because we have no eye in our stomachs.

Edwin A. Abbott

#11. So everyone knows they get to see Dr. Demon Slayer on a regular basis."
Megan almost choked on her steak. "The who?"
"The demon slayer. That's what the station specified we were to call you.

Stacia Kane

#12. I ran into Ellen at a photo shoot. She took my breath away. That had never happened to me in my life.

Portia De Rossi

#13. You're doing this for Kimmie for free."
"I'd do anything for Kimmie."
"Including bury a body?"
"Especially bury a body.

Jamie Farrell

#14. She wore a fitted white scoop neck shirt under a thin jacket, slim brown pants and tennis shoes. He bet she looked hot in four-inch heels. He wondered how long she'd last in this town, and he decided he wanted to sleep with her before she left.

Tami Lund

#15. Goals may give focus, but dreams give power.

John C. Maxwell

#16. I've always been interested in music. In high school, I did a lot of musical theater, and I loved it.

Rosanna Pansino

#17. Inertia is often mistaken for patience.

Marty Rubin

#18. San Francisco has a flowers-in-your-hair kind of vibe, while Chicago's got this very funny, big-city/small-town coolness to it.

Dave Matthews

#19. My investments have been hurt.

Scott Adams

#20. Heaven's Bakery help them all.

Jamie Farrell

#21. You learn to judge your friends for who they are.

Tony Yayo

#22. He was the most handsome nightmare she had ever met.

Jamie Farrell

#23. I don't have a cell phone (though for years I've kept saying, "soon").

Jane Hirshfield

#24. 'A Tuna Christmas' is the second in a series of plays created by Joe Sears and Jaston Williams featuring the fictional town of Greater Tuna, the third-smallest town in Texas. What makes these plays so hysterically funny is the accurate portrayal of small-town life in the Lone Star State.

Lori Wilde