Sh T My Dad Says Quotes

#1. Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touching
and does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny book.

Laurie Notaro

#2. My Gram said that I would get the role in whichever show God thought was right but it wouldn't hurt to express a preference. I told her that I would like to do 'The Brady Bunch' because I'd have five other kids on the set to play with. God was listening.

Susan Olsen

#3. The dog is not bored. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik's Cube. He's a goddamned dog.

Justin Halpern

#4. Say too soon what you think and you will say what everyone else thinks.

James Richardson

#5. People teaches children how to be in a relationship, beginning with the ability to have a conversation.

Sherry Turkle

#6. Just about every therapist or counselor or social worker is practiced in dealing with people going through failing relationships, ending them, and confronting issues of custody and support.

Laura Wasser

#7. On Lego's
Listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, it looks a pile of shit.

Justin Halpern

#8. It is often the failure who is the pioneer in new lands, new undertakings, and new forms of expression.

Eric Hoffer

#9. Englishmen have a genius for looking uncomfortable. Their feelings are terribly mixed up with their personal appearance.

Sara Jeannette Duncan

#10. Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.

Justin Halpern

#11. You're ten years old now, you have to take a shower every day ... I don't give a shit if you hate it. People hate smelly fuckers. I will not have a smelly fucker for a son.

Justin Halpern

#12. If it were not for people who stepped forward and gave me opportunities at a time when I had not proved myself at all, believe me, I would not have a career.

Kevin Spacey

#13. Whatever troubles may be before you, accept them bravely, remembering Whom you are trying to follow. Do not be afraid. Love one another, bear with one another, and let charity guide you all your life. God will reward you as only He can.

Mary MacKillop

#14. Friends are the best anti-depressants; with only positive effects, no side-effects.

Piyush Kaviraj

#15. I think comedy is the perfect vehicle for that which is slightly beyond life.

Tamsin Greig

#16. What indeed is there to say? To be or not to be married, that was the question, and they had decided it in the affirmative.

E. M. Forster

#17. By taking a look at your anger it can be transformed into the kind of energy that you need - understanding and compassion.

Nhat Hanh

#18. I am pessimistic about the human race because it is too ingenious for its own good. Our approach to nature is to beat it into submission. We would stand a better chance of survival if we accommodated ourselves to this planet and viewed it appreciatively, instead of skeptically and dictatorially.

E.B. White