Ron Funches Quotes

#1. In the '90s, comedy was at a very low point, but these days, you've got people like Hannibal Burress, Ron Funches, Maria Bamford - people who can play any club, anywhere.

Andy Kindler

#2. The hardest battles have the sweetest victories.

Gena Showalter

#3. My mom could afford to put us in a Catholic school for grades one through seven, but not after that.

Ron Funches

#4. I'm sauteing asparagus, Brussels sprouts,broccoli, some boneless, skinless chicken breast, some halibut. That's about it; that's all I'm allowed. That's what's legal for me to saute.

Ron Funches

#5. I think that's the difference between meetings in New York and L.A. In New York, it's like, 'Be there, and be there on time.' In L.A. it's like, 'Oh, we get it. You might have ran into traffic. We'll reschedule.'

Ron Funches

#6. But by no manner of means are women to be allotted to uncover and exhibit any part of their person, lest both fall,-the men by being excited to look, they by drawing on themselves the eyes of the men.

Clement Of Alexandria

#7. Moral qualities rule the world, but at short distances the senses are despotic.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

#8. We all have enemies, but my enemies would probably describe me as surprisingly ruthless.

Ron Funches

#9. 'Malcolm X' was impressionable for me as a kid.

Ron Funches

#10. Trying to maintain your health on the road can be difficult. Especially in the middle of the country where they close by 9 and you're not out of work until midnight. You end up at a McDonald's or Taco Bell.

Ron Funches

#11. I feel like you can't judge a book by its cover, that's always been the story of my life. I can walk into any restaurant and people would be floored to learn that I know what I do about wine, let alone that I ran one of the best wine programs in the world.

Andre Hueston Mack

#12. We definitely have a Wii U. It gets pulled out whenever there's a new great game coming out.

Ron Funches

#13. When you get to be a certain size as a man, all the shirts end up having giant dogs on them or things like that!

Ron Funches

#14. In any great art, you create a world, and you invite people into that world, and hopefully, it's fleshed out enough and you've explained it well enough.

Ron Funches

#15. Some of my biggest influences are people like Steven Wright and Todd Berry. I'm a shy person, and I don't think people who aspire to do comedy think that's an option.

Ron Funches

#16. Chicago is an extremely rough place to grow up in. Especially if you're the only brother on the block that's into bumpin' Alanis Morrisette ... So 'You Oughta Know,' I moved to Oregon.

Ron Funches

#17. Given the unattainability of perfect robustness, we need a mechanism by which the system regenerates itself continuously by using, rather than suffering from, random events, unpredictable shocks, stressors, and volatility.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

#18. I was always interested in comedy, like when I was 5 years old. I watched 'I Love Lucy' and 'Benny Hill.' I would always joke around with my sister. My mom was into comedy, too. She would go to the video store and get a couple of movies and some stand-up comedians' tapes.

Ron Funches

#19. That's one thing I love about my son - he's just a gamer at heart, he loves everything. He'll still play 'Pole Position,' or just old things at an arcade. He just loves games. He's not a graphics snob at all. I love him.

Ron Funches

#20. I wonder if this is the way it will be next year if I come to New York, or wherever I go - me trying to concentrate on college, on life, when all I'm doing is thinking about him. I wonder if he'll come with me, or if our built-in ending is high school.

Jennifer Niven

#21. I think I'd probably be really good friends with Hulk Hogan. I think we'd get along, and I'd, like, chill him out because he'd be all rambunctious and rowdy, and I'd be like, 'Chill out, Hulk Hogan. Everything will be okay.' And he'd be like, 'Thanks, Ron.' And then we'd form a friendship.

Ron Funches

#22. Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.'

Ron Funches

#23. Neat little boys in neat little shirts, so earnest and wholesome, but hidden underneath their faces were old hags, skin pitted with acid.

Mariam Petrosyan

#24. My breakfast is usually some oatmeal and berries and some agave, or a protein shake.

Ron Funches

#25. Never trust the translation or interpretation of something without first trusting its interpreter.

Suzy Kassem

#26. Raising a child is like taking care of someone who's on way too many shrooms, while you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms. I am not confident in my decisions, but I know you should not be eating a mousepad.

Ron Funches

#27. I've worked as grocery store cashier; I've worked at a bank call center and as a Lady Liberty for Liberty Tax Service dancing around with the sign for a while.

Ron Funches

#28. I like connecting with people, and that's what good art is: a point of connection. There's nothing better, on stage or on film.

Ruth Negga

#29. My comedy is kind of a counteraction to some of the comedy I don't like. Or things I don't like.

Ron Funches

#30. In playing the part of Mammy, I tried to make her a living, breathing character, the way she appeared to me in the book.

Hattie McDaniel

#31. I look forward to going to Chicago because it's where I grew up, and the food there is so munch. Especially during the winter, I get deep dish pizza or Italian beef, and it warms me up. It's something I don't normally get, especially here in L.A. where you're always trying to be healthy.

Ron Funches

#32. I will go so far as to say probably smoking had something to do with my pancreatic cancer.

Patrick Swayze

#33. In the end, it doesn't even matter.

Linkin Park

#34. Doing five-minute sets on 'Conan' and things like that are fun and a great way to introduce yourself, but it's such a constricting time, and you usually have to cut bits down.

Ron Funches

#35. If I'm super scared or sick, I'll still suck my thumb.

Ron Funches

#36. Nothing can happen nowhere. The locale of the happening always colours the happening, and often, to a degree, shapes it.

Elizabeth Bowen

#37. The worst job I ever had was working as a Lady Liberty sign-twirler for a tax services place, where I'd just dance and have fun. The way I talk about it makes it sounds like a fun job - but then I got a staph infection from the costume. So that was probably the worst part about it.

Ron Funches

#38. I think my comedy is about finding the good in bad situations - finding the joy. Why be angry? It doesn't help anything.

Ron Funches

#39. I love a good Roy Rogers or Shirley Temple, and I had to give those up. And Philly cheesesteaks. I love Philly cheesesteaks, and now they really aren't around anymore.

Ron Funches

#40. I like the Bulls, the Bears - Chicago.

Ron Funches

#41. I love Nintendo, I'll never not love Nintendo. I want to play new Zeldas, basically.

Ron Funches

#42. A lady emailed me that her child had been diagnosed with autism and that hearing my material on the subject had helped her. To me, it just means that I'm making the right decision in talking about this.

Ron Funches