Top 100 Rodney Quotes
#1. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield
#3. A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
#4. My wife grew up loving country music, so I always run songs by her whether I wrote it or if somebody pitched it to me.
Rodney Atkins
#5. I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
Rodney Dangerfield
#6. Current Muslim memories and anger about the Crusades are a twentieth-century creation, prompted in part by 'post-World War I British and French imperialism and post-World War II creation of the state of Israel.
Rodney Stark
#7. I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
#8. I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield
#9. Wilcrest Baptist Church is God's multiethnic bridge that draws all people to Jesus Christ, who transforms them from unbelievers to missionaries.
Rodney M. Woo
#11. I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
#12. I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark ... '
Rodney Dangerfield
#13. Rodney is fifty four and he has some mental disease where they become all paranoid. Granted he spent his life as a vampire slayer which calls for a bit of paranoia but Rodney does sometimes overdo the whole thing.
Cyma Rizwaan Khan
#14. I don't want to sing songs that aren't worth while. Time is so rare. I just don't want to waste the listener's time and I think that my songs don't do that. That's what I pray for. I want songs that really touch people's hearts.
Rodney Atkins
#15. I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
#16. You save an old man and you save a unit; but save a boy, and you save a multiplication table.
Rodney "Gipsy" Smith
#17. I am proud to be able to claim that, from the age of nineteen, I've managed to earna living entirely as a composer.
Richard Rodney Bennett
#18. My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
Rodney Dangerfield
#19. I can't wait to wake up and try something new. I can't sleep at night because I want to try something new.
Rodney Mullen
#20. There's so much fear running our lives that we forget to be human when it really counts.
Rodney Yee
#21. I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
Rodney Dangerfield
#22. You build something but you cant live in the house because you sit around guarding it.
Rodney Mullen
#23. I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
Rodney Dangerfield
#24. When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.
Rodney Dangerfield
#25. I started out singing covers. I've sung a lot of 'em and love a lot of 'em.
Rodney Atkins
#26. As a black man, you run from the cops. It's different now, but back when I was coming up, you run.
Rodney King
#27. There are five Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and the Christian. Most people will never read the first four.
Rodney "Gipsy" Smith
#28. There's nothing easy about winning a game in the National Football League, let alone winning a championship, things that we've done in the past. However, that's in the past.
Rodney Harrison
#29. Time to go inward would you believe that I'm afraid to stare down the barrel of choices I have made.
Rodney Crowell
#31. I had a dream about you last week. It was October 31, 2002 and we met at a Halloween party. You came dressed as yourself; I knew you've been hiding your true self all this time.
Rodney Jenkins
#33. I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
#34. I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
#35. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
#36. I'm a religious person. I remember my mom told me: 'Vengeance belongs to God. It's up to him to wreak vengeance.' It's hard for me to get to that point, but that's the work of God.
Rodney King
#37. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
#38. I just wait to go elsewhere but I get there and it's the same dusk.
Rodney Ross
#39. Wellness within is mindfulness and acceptance of what you are, what you feel inside and how it's always changing. That process is helped by being attentive to the breath as it moves through the body.
Rodney Yee
#42. With the revolution around 1980 of PCs, the spreadsheet programs were tuned for office workers - not to replace office workers, but it respected office workers as being capable of being programmers. So office workers became programmers of spreadsheets. It increased their capabilities.
Rodney Brooks
#43. He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
#44. You can make the assumption that most human drivers are not out to kill pedestrians. Well, maybe in some parts of Boston they are. But with a person at the wheel who you can see, you behave accordingly. With the robotic car, how do you know what assumption to make?
Rodney Brooks
#45. My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
Rodney Dangerfield
#46. My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
#47. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Rodney Dangerfield
#48. I just scribbled away and eventually a C-major chord was there. I didn't ever decide I was going to be a composer. It was like being tall. It's what I was. It's what I did.
Richard Rodney Bennett
#50. When I leave here, when my final day on this earth is up, I want to leave in peace. I want to have peace in my heart.
Rodney King
#51. I can drink on the job if I want to. I can go on stage with a beer and it's OK. I can say whatever I want. It's a great job to have.
Rodney Carrington
#52. I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
#53. Write what's in you. Write readily and well. Then edit. Then share or send. Not before.
Rodney Richards
#54. What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit me in the balls with a hammer.
Rodney Dangerfield
#55. To a Mormon at the doorstep of a psychologis: I know what you think you think, but I know what you think.
Rodney Compton
#56. Yoga is really trying to liberate us from ... shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing - I think the health of your mind depends on your being able to love your body.
Rodney Yee
#58. We are all bodybuilders, so build the house you want to live in.
Rodney Page
#59. I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
Rodney Dangerfield
#60. Wonderful," Rodney said again. "I wonder how many more of our former allies are going to have been Culled like this?" "That's what I like about you, McKay," Sheppard said. "You're an optimist.
Jo Graham
#61. You can't go home again, not if you can't find the fucking street, Mr. Wolfe.
Rodney Ross
#62. With videos, I find I'm better off if I'm playing a role inside of it. The more you do it, the more you understand it.
Rodney Atkins
#63. When I look out in the future, I can't imagine a world, 500 years from now, where we don't have robots everywhere.
Rodney Brooks
#65. I realize I will always be the poster child for police brutality, but I can try to use that as a positive force for healing and restraint.
Rodney King
#66. There was a period when the capitalist system increased the well-being of significant numbers of people as a by-product of seeking out profits for a few, but today the quests for profits comes into sharp conflict with people's demands that their material and social needs should be fulfilled. Pg. 10
Walter Rodney
#67. A whole lot of Americans have never met a Mormon.
Rodney Stark
#68. If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half!
Rodney Dangerfield
#70. When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.
Rodney Dangerfield
#71. I like to study a lot of math, physics, and the Bible, too. For me, they all show that there's a lot more to things than we see.
Rodney Mullen
#72. It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
#74. My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
#76. In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
Rodney Dangerfield
#77. I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things.
Rodney Carrington
#79. My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
#80. Rodney the ghoul? ... Oh, I liked him. He didn't get angry no matter how many times my mother insulted him.
Jeaniene Frost
#81. Unless a man first finds himself, finds his own essential nature and destiny, and begins from them, all his efforts and achievements will be built only on the sand of personality, and at the first serious shock the whole structure will crumble, perhaps destroying him in its fall.
Rodney Collin
#82. With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
#85. I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!
Rodney Dangerfield
#86. I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Rodney Dangerfield
#87. If you use the term 'over-exaggerate,' you know the definition neither of 'exaggerate' nor of 'over.
Rodney Ulyate
#89. Don't let anything poison your individuality. Break away & look in, not outward.
Rodney Mullen
#90. I guess not everyone gets their Stonewall.
Rodney Ross
#91. Life isn't about what happens to us; life is about how we respond to what happens to us.
Rodney Burton
#92. Never make sport, no matter how lighthearted, of someone's vocation.
Rodney Ross
#93. People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
#94. You can talk about anything if you go about it the right way, which is never malicious.
Rodney Carrington
#97. I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you
rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good
at fractions.'
Rodney Dangerfield
#98. I have a camp so I brought my writers, LaShawn Daniels and at the time, Anesha and Antea [Birchett], they were sisters, and this girl Delisha [Thomas] and Makeba [Riddick]. I brought basically five writers to work on different ideas. You either make the cut or you don't.
Rodney Jerkins
#99. With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.
Rodney Dangerfield
#100. I grew up playing music and enjoying good food, friends and family in my own backyard.
Rodney Atkins
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