Top 100 Richard Kadrey Quotes
#1. She'd [Allegra] look like Foxy Brown's little sister, except her head is SHAVED SMOOTH.
Richard Kadrey
#2. Fuck you, angel. Fuck you and all God's little prison bitches. He slips you some cigarettes and a con job smile and you run off to do his dirty work for him. Go and scare some sinners. No one's listening to you here.
Richard Kadrey
#4. They can talk shit about each other behind the others' backs, but when it comes down to it, money is the one true race and everyone down here is the color of greenbacks and as tall as mountains.
Richard Kadrey
#5. She will replace us all soon. And you, you'll be back to yourself, as scarred and lined as Lucifer's scrotum." What can you say to that? I hold up my glass. "To the devil's balls." Allegra
Richard Kadrey
#6. Calm down. Deep breaths. Go to your happy place. Oh, wait. I don't have one.
Richard Kadrey
#7. That's what Glocks are. High-precision killing machines that scream Daddy Issues.
Richard Kadrey
#8. The place looks like where David Lynch would meet Beaver Cleaver's mom for secret afternoons of bondage and milkshakes.
Richard Kadrey
#9. In the Tarot deck, the Fool is depicted as a young man about to step off a cliff into empty air. Most people assume that the Fool will fall. But we don't see it happen, and a Fool doesn't know that he's subject to the laws of gravity. Against all odds, he just might float.
Richard Kadrey
#10. The whole Mangarm crew is gaunt but the woman looks like a mummy with a hangover. But she's alive. I can hear her heart and smell her sweat, which isn't all that pleasant. She
Richard Kadrey
#11. I can deal with fighting in the arena in Hell, but laundry and dishes put the fear of God in me.
Richard Kadrey
#12. Vices shouldn't be safe. They're what remind us we're alive and mortal.
Richard Kadrey
#13. I'll give you another example. The snake in the Garden of Eden?"
"Yeah?"
"It was just a snake. Humanity's first real decision was to defy God. So was mine. That's the reason I make you uncomfortable. We're so much alike.
Richard Kadrey
#14. The ashes of your existence will fertilize the soil for the universe to follow.
Richard Kadrey
#17. This is new. I never heard of Hellions vivisecting their own. They do it to some of the more heinous dead souls in the House of Knives, but not to each other. Whatever
Richard Kadrey
#18. Did you send candy and flowers on Valentine's Day, Wells? It's okay, you know. He was a saint.
Richard Kadrey
#19. All losers are romantics. It's what keeps us from blowing our brains out.
Richard Kadrey
#20. Black is a good color anytime you're flinging around blood.
Richard Kadrey
#21. Beautiful. Now I have to burrow like a groundhog into Mason's basement to the same room where he summoned those things to take me Downtown. Nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan.
Richard Kadrey
#22. The angel in my head talks to me. He's a little Sherlock Holmes, which, I guess makes me Dr. Watson. I'm not wild about that. Better that he's Starsky and I'm Hutch. At least I get a cool car that way.
Richard Kadrey
#23. Death smiles at us all and all a man can do is smile back.
Richard Kadrey
#24. When you jump off a cliff, is it better to land on jagged rocks or burning lava? I know this one. The answer is obvious: It doesn't matter where you land. You just jumped off a cliff.
Richard Kadrey
#25. If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room.
Richard Kadrey
#26. Don't drink too much."
"When I can spell out your name in shot glasses, I'll stop."
"I'll have to get a shorter name."
"I'll have to forget how to spell it.
Richard Kadrey
#27. Well said, young lady. You've ensnared me in a petite prevarication.
Richard Kadrey
#28. This might be the end of the world as we know it, but it's still show biz.
Richard Kadrey
#29. As sweet as it feels, I can't lie here forever curled up in a big ball of fuck-the-world.
Richard Kadrey
#30. You're God?" he says. "A piece of the pie, yes. You look disappointed. Turn that around, multiply it by a million, and you'll know how I feel about you people.
Richard Kadrey
#32. It's more like how some people can't help but bring out the not necessarily righteous parts of your personality. Like how you meet someone and instantly know they're a full-time professional victim, and no matter how hard you try, something takes over and you can't help needling them.
Richard Kadrey
#33. This is beautiful." "If you're Ronald Reagan, I guess." "The idea of it, I mean. The beauty hidden within the rot." "Sure. That's what I meant, too." I
Richard Kadrey
#35. You can take the boy out of the Devil but not the Devil out of the boy
Richard Kadrey
#36. When it's true love you know why you're getting stabbed.
Richard Kadrey
#37. Now you are thinking like a thief. Fewer guns and more exits. We'll cure your cowboy ways yet. (Vidocq)
Richard Kadrey
#38. I'd like to think they're staring at me because of my white-hot animal magnetism, but I'm not Elvis. I'm Lobster Boy, hear me roar.
Richard Kadrey
#39. He pulls the tape off Allegra's mouth. Grabs her BY THE HAIR and gives her a peck on the lips.
Richard Kadrey
#40. God is the great janitor of the universe. Why things don't work is that we have a janitor in charge, and we keep looking for the landlord.
Richard Kadrey
#41. Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it's a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right?
Richard Kadrey
#42. The room is a wreck. It looks like it was worked over by Linda Blair on a crack binge.
Richard Kadrey
#43. I should sit down and make a list of everything I missed while I was gone. If you can't smoke in bars anymore, what other atrocities has the world committed?
Richard Kadrey
#44. No hospitals, she says.
I know.
Where are we going?
For ice cream. What's your favorite flavor?
Fuck you.
That's my favorite, too.
Richard Kadrey
#45. Thank you for that succinct description, but I prefer to go in with facts," says Julie. "Stark
Richard Kadrey
#46. Are you asking because you want to see if doc can turn you into a librarian when all this is over? [p.240:]
Richard Kadrey
#47. No one says anything. We've hit into one of those weird silences that happen when someone drops something too real into the middle of a conversation that should just have been about drinking and patting ourselves on the back.
Richard Kadrey
#48. Traven stares at me. If eyes could scream, run home, and hide under the blankets, he'd be blind. Is
Richard Kadrey
#49. Sola goes back and disappears into the middle of the Vigil crew. Lots of grins and quiet chuckles back there. Law enforcement. It's like high school with better guns.
Richard Kadrey
#50. Malefic baneberry. It doesn't taste good, but one teaspoon and a skeleton would dance a jig. He
Richard Kadrey
#51. If Donald Trump and the Wicked Witch of the West had a kid, it would be Jayne-Anne. She looks like a librarian with some money and good taste in clothes but underneath the Verace, she's Godzilla with tits.
Richard Kadrey
#52. When you're born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it's not.
Richard Kadrey
#53. A man of many thoughts but few words. Lucky for us all that it's not the other way around. Vidocq
Richard Kadrey
#55. She looks like a librarian with some money and good taste in clothes, but underneath the Versace, she's Godzilla with tits.
Richard Kadrey
#56. I don't want to run for anything. I want to shove this miserable cheap-ass check so far up Wells's ass he can read the routing number out the back of his eyes.
Richard Kadrey
#57. Maybe that's why Heaven is silent and God doesn't speak to man anymore. Heavenly intervention would blow the point spread.
Richard Kadrey
#59. Hell didn't make me a monster. It just confirmed all my worst fears about myself.
Richard Kadrey
#60. I wish I could say, "No more Mr. Nice Guy," but the boat sailed on that one a long time ago.
Richard Kadrey
#61. She undoes a clasp on her golden gown and it falls to the floor. She's beautiful. The half of her that's covered in skin. The rest looks like Thanksgiving leftovers a couple of days past their prime.
Richard Kadrey
#62. You don't have to be afraid of me. Eugene likes you. Doc likes you. That means I like you. We're all family now. All the funny little people who live in the cracks of the world.
Richard Kadrey
#63. Fortunately, I'm good at ignoring a lot of what my brain does.
Richard Kadrey
#64. When the world began, there were no such things as monsters. Demons were just fallen angels who, booted out of Heaven and bored with Hell, wandered the Earth sticking little girls' pigtails in inkwells and sinking the occasional continent.
Richard Kadrey
#66. I've come a long way to get nowhere at all, I thought. And I've spent everything I have to get here.
Richard Kadrey
#67. Stay where you are." It's a raspy male voice. A whiskey voice or just someone who took a hit to the throat hard enough that it never healed right. There are six other guys behind him. All are armed with homemade blades, morning stars, and slings. "Who
Richard Kadrey
#69. I came ready to fight Genghis Khan and I walk in on a shut-in playing the biggest Dungeons and Dragons game in history.
Richard Kadrey
#71. Kids need their minds blown every now and then. It'll keep them from thinking that managing a McDonald's is the most they can hope for.
Richard Kadrey
#72. Nothing moves. Nothing makes a sound. It's as quiet as a pulled-pork-rib joint next to a synagogue. I
Richard Kadrey
#73. If you ever need to confirm that a girl is worth coming back from Hell for, show her your monster arm and see what she says.
Richard Kadrey
#74. If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.
Richard Kadrey
#75. I once considered learning to love iced coffee, but then I remembered I'd have to kill myself, so I gave up the idea.
Richard Kadrey
#76. Most people are idiots. There's nothing worse than idiots who tell you their opinions.
Richard Kadrey
#77. I guarantee you I'm not going to forget your voice. We're going to run into each other down the road sometime, and when we do I'm going to pop you apart one rivet at a time."
"There's the monster. Hello, monster.
Richard Kadrey
#78. Young man, there are some things in the world so profane that their only real value is in not knowing about them.
Richard Kadrey
#79. The building has shielded generators. The power will be back on in the next three minutes. We need to move. Through
Richard Kadrey
#80. Maybe you could take us to meet them," says Delon. She raises her eyebrows. "When I called you a fool earlier, I meant it figuratively. Now you're making me think I might have a been a bit too generous." "But you know how to contact them." "Why would I do that?" Delon
Richard Kadrey
#81. You're quite the humanitarian. By the way, thanks a fuck of a lot for leaving me off your who-to-save list.
You're on it, Alfredo Garcia. I just didn't want to say it out loud and have you call me Nancy or Tinker Bell.
Yeah, I would have done that.
Richard Kadrey
#82. If I learned anything Downtown, it's this: the only real difference between an enemy and a friend is the day of the week.
Richard Kadrey
#83. Besides, do you think you would have come if I'd just popped into your tattoo shop one night around closing and
said, 'Hello, I'm the Prince of Darkness. Think you could help me out
with a little war next Tuesday, say, sixish?
Richard Kadrey
#84. We must always look after our friends, even when they are foolish. Especially when they are foolish.
Richard Kadrey
#85. Let me finish my beer." (Stark)
"Of course. The end of the world can wait.(Kasabian)
Richard Kadrey
#87. All these scars. The road map of my life. My armor.
Richard Kadrey
#88. You were a prick and a crook, but no one deserves to go out the way you went. I hope it was over quick and that you tasted like ass all the way down. Amen.
Richard Kadrey
#89. Whiskey doesn't mix well with toothpaste, but I already filled the glass, and once whiskey's been let loose you have to deal with it, like love or a rabid dog.
Richard Kadrey
#90. In this life, no matter what anyone promises you, what allegiances of love or fealty they swear or what gods they pray to, you will never have more than what you have at this moment.
Richard Kadrey
#91. See? Even dead she makes me a better whatever-the-hell it is I am. A less stupid person. A more considerate monster.
Richard Kadrey
#92. Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.
Richard Kadrey
#93. Is there something else you have to say? Something you're not telling me?" "Yes. Up your game, Stark. These might be the End Times. I don't want you half-assing your way through them." It's a good party-line statement, but it's not what he's thinking about. There's something else.
Richard Kadrey
#94. That sounds like the sin of pride, Marshal. Better run downstairs and let Miss December flog it out of you. Webcam it and charge by the minute. You won't ever have to take government money again.
Richard Kadrey
#96. If Jesus, Jesse James, and a herd of pink robot unicorns strolled in walking on water, this bunch wouldn't even look up.
Richard Kadrey
#97. There are two Venices I know about and one of them is a hotel in Vegas. The other is an L.A. beach where pretty girls walk their dogs while wearing as little as possible and mutant slabs of tanned, posthuman beef sip iced steroid lattes and pump iron until their pecs are the size of Volkswagens.
Richard Kadrey
#98. Mammon finally sees me as I step out from behind his floating map of the universe. The room is empty except for us. Mammon's dead officers have all winked out of existence and are on their way to Tartarus, the Hell below Hell. I
Richard Kadrey
#99. That's more interesting than a two-headed calf singing "Some Velvet Morning" in tight harmony.
Richard Kadrey
#100. Being able to embrace contradictions is a sign of intelligence.
Or insanity.
Richard Kadrey
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