Quotes About Wurms

#1. When I was little and my mom got mad at me she would always say, "You know you can be replaced".
I have often wondered if I was.

Neil Leckman

#2. I am open to comments, I accept with with all humility, or at least what I can muster at short notice.

Neil Leckman

#3. Why is ground round sold in a square package?

Neil Leckman

#4. Bad answers for employment questions:
Employer: I see here that you worked for the state for three years. Why did you leave that job?
My parole was granted

Neil Leckman

#5. One of the joys of being a grandparent is giving your grandchild caffeinated sugary drinks late in the day, and sending them home. Do you have any idea how many years I had to wait for that?

Neil Leckman

#6. How to contact in case of an emergency?
I prefer 911 myself ...

Neil Leckman

#7. People are getting too far away from the real-world. Politics is just ridiculous, it's totally dysfunctional.

Temple Grandin

#8. I think that last batch of sea monkeys ate my cat!!!

Neil Leckman

#9. Headstones:
What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!"
"This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide."
"OK, It's not funny anymore let me out!!

Neil Leckman

#10. Overheard vampire conversation.
"Is that Ophelia?"
"yep"
"She doesn't look well"
"Ever since she drank from that hemophiliac everything just goes right through her.

Neil Leckman

#11. The sun will sink lower soon enough, turning the fields into open black space, ushering another day out, another day in
one after the next.

Allison Winn Scotch

#12. You know what they say. One man's joke is another man's brother

Neil Leckman

#13. If you sleep with one eye open are your dreams only half as good as everyone elses?

Neil Leckman

#14. Remember, never apply too much torque or you'll bust your nuts!!

Neil Leckman

#15. I think what I need to do is stay awake while I'm sleeping so I can see what I'm dreaming better!!

Neil Leckman

#16. Sometimes I wake up and wonder if those chalk outlines they have at murder scenes get together for holiday parties ...

Neil Leckman

#17. At the very least you should tell yourself the truth. If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?

Sarah Dessen

#18. Has anybody ever written a horror pop-up book? The center of the book pops up and opens the gate to the elder gods. Of course you'll want to shrink wrap these books because you want people to buy them before they get sucked into another dimension.

Neil Leckman

#19. We started our journey across the waistlands by folowing the enormous belt!!

Neil Leckman

#20. I flunked out of mime school. I could never hear what the instructor was saying!!!

Neil Leckman

#21. They say you don't know what you don't know until you know that you don't know it.

Neil Leckman

#22. I like to provide American humor for British soccer coaches when possible. During keeper practice I'll offer to stand behind the goal and shag a few balls!!

Neil Leckman

#23. Ronde, one a live village and the other deserted, as dead as Karnak,

Ursula K. Le Guin

#24. I woke today ready to think outside the box. I can't remember where I put it.

Neil Leckman

#25. If I were a candy bar I'd want to be a snicker, because then I'd have the last laugh!!

Neil Leckman

#26. Don't follow your heart if you can't keep a beat

Neil Leckman

#27. Neil Leckman
I had a friend once that told me when we die and get to the pearly gates we are admitted based on our deeds.
1 good deed is a step forward
1 bad deed is two steps back.
By the time he's through with you I'm not sure you'll even be able to see the gates!!

Neil Leckman

#28. Never torque a man's nuts unless you are his mechanic!!

Neil Leckman

#29. I would love to be on 'Glee,' thus furthering the myth that I'm a gay man.

Jennifer Nettles

#30. Bad questions at employment interviews:
Is your drug test graded on a curve?

Neil Leckman

#31. How about a TV show about vampire plastic surgeons called, "Suck and Tuck"?

Neil Leckman

#32. My oldest son used to say his stomach had angries when he felt sick.
I always pictured an all night fight club for finger foods!!

Neil Leckman