Top 100 Quotes About Bill Hicks
#1. There's that great Bill Hicks line - the comedian - where he says, "Are you proud to be an American?" "I don't know. It's just where my parents had sex."
Josh Radnor
#2. I think that being on the road and doing more and more stand-up has allowed me to figure out ... like, I don't think I'll ever be Bill Hicks, but I think I'm figuring out what my opinion is on things.
Nick Kroll
#3. When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.
Joe Rogan
#4. Bill Hicks - blowtorch, excavator, truthsayer, and brain specialist. He will correct your vision. Others will drive on the road he built.
Tom Waits
#5. I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.
Ron White
#6. Bill Hicks wasn't just a comic, he was a crusader against humanity's relentless capacity to underachieve
Simon Pegg
#7. Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
Daniel Tosh
#8. The police force in America pledge to "protect and serve." That would actually be dandy if it were happening. Bill Hicks used to joke that he'd like to hijack a typically unpunctual plane and force it to go to its scheduled destination on time.
Russell Brand
#9. I didn't know that people compared Bill Hicks and I but certainly I'm flattered if they do. I knew Bill a bit. We had dinner a couple of times and played guitar together once. I really tried to keep my distance from him professionally.
Marc Maron
#10. I love Dallas, Austin and Houston. Why? Because some of the best comedians, like Bill Hicks and Sam Kinison, started their careers in Texas, and because the crowds there are comedy-educated.
Bobby Lee
#11. If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.
Bill Hicks
#12. Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs ... shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a 'well-regulated militia'?
Bill Hicks
#13. While I've found many of the religious shows I've viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I've never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet - turning off the TV completely.
Bill Hicks
#14. The Voice of Reason is in us all ... and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally.
Bill Hicks
#15. I was a weekend drinker ... I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday ... thought I was controlling it ... but I don't drink any more.
Bill Hicks
#16. Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit ... unnatural?
Bill Hicks
#17. I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
Bill Hicks
#18. Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who've helped me.
Bill Hicks
#19. Life is only a dream and we are only the imagination of ourselves.
Bill Hicks
#20. I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman ... come in the guise of a comic ... to heal perception by using ... 'jokes' ...
Bill Hicks
#21. What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.
Bill Hicks
#22. Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
Bill Hicks
#23. That's why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you've learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth.
Bill Hicks
#24. I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
Bill Hicks
#25. When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
Bill Hicks
#26. Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
Bill Hicks
#27. Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
Bill Hicks
#28. We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
Bill Hicks
#29. It's not that I disagreed with Bush's economic policy ... I believed he was a child of Satan here to destroy the planet ...
Bill Hicks
#30. I was just down in Dallas, Texas ... the Assassination Museum ... it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.
Bill Hicks
#31. Don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.
Bill Hicks
#32. Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag? ... No, it's not ... That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve ...
Bill Hicks
#33. I love talking about Kennedy assassination ... a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government ... sorry, wrong meeting.
Bill Hicks
#34. How dare you have wino tell me not to do drugs.
Bill Hicks
#35. You are the imagination of yourself.
Bill Hicks
#36. Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-f-king-proposals ... and the first thought that enters my mind is, "And I'm not
getting laid." What am I doing wrong?
Bill Hicks
#37. Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
Bill Hicks
#38. I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When?
Bill Hicks
#39. Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
Bill Hicks
#40. It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a fucking joke.
Bill Hicks
#41. Hitler had the right idea, he was just an underachiever.
Bill Hicks
#43. You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved?
Bill Hicks
#44. I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego ...
Bill Hicks
#45. I'd ... bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.
Bill Hicks
#46. Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts ... Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
Bill Hicks
#47. Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.
Bill Hicks
#48. See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you've got the money!
Bill Hicks
#49. How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand ... considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
Bill Hicks
#50. Isn't that weird, we've made nature against the law. That's how un-natural we've become.
Bill Hicks
#51. What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
Bill Hicks
#52. That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies ... and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama.
Bill Hicks
#53. It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me ... oxygen tent, iron lung.
Bill Hicks
#54. Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
Bill Hicks
#55. I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us ... to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells ...
Bill Hicks
#56. Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier.
Bill Hicks
#57. What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis, not the young, cool guy ...
Bill Hicks
#58. The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?
Bill Hicks
#59. Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
Bill Hicks
#60. A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?
Bill Hicks
#61. I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.
Bill Hicks
#62. Today, a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration and that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and you are the imagination of yourself. Here's Tom with the weather ... !
Bill Hicks
#63. What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we're all One? ... You can see why the government's cracking down.
Bill Hicks
#64. I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth.
Bill Hicks
#65. What before seemed a ... frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
Bill Hicks
#66. Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.
Bill Hicks
#67. Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.
Bill Hicks
#68. I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.
Bill Hicks
#69. You know what I hate about working? Bosses ... The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well ... I think you see the conflict.
Bill Hicks
#70. It seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside.
Bill Hicks
#71. I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is
mankind's sole purpose on this planet. If you're wondering
what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I'll give you
a hint ... it has to do with creating and sharing.
Bill Hicks
#72. I'm just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
Bill Hicks
#73. I don't get along with anything, I really don't ... I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
Bill Hicks
#74. All governments are lying cocksuckers.
Bill Hicks
#75. I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.
Bill Hicks
#76. Ever noticed that people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved?
Bill Hicks
#77. Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
Bill Hicks
#78. I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift.
Bill Hicks
#79. And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, "This is my creation, perfect in every way ... oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it ... Now I have to create Republicans."
Bill Hicks
#80. I'm totally confused about what I'm going to do with my life.
Bill Hicks
#81. Love rather than fear ... this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope ... surely there is hope for us all.
Bill Hicks
#82. Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.
Bill Hicks
#83. I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
Bill Hicks
#84. You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well ... we looked at the receipts."
Bill Hicks
#85. I think it's interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do you think when Jesus comes back, he's really going to want to look at a cross?
Bill Hicks
#86. When you're ... stepping over a guy on the sidewalk ... does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?'
Bill Hicks
#87. The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.
Bill Hicks
#88. If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.
Bill Hicks
#89. Sometimes my dad even gets on this kick
'You hate this country' ... I have to tell him ... I just hate being lied to.
Bill Hicks
#90. The CIA has a plot ... they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem ... is convincing Hussein ... to fly to Dallas.
Bill Hicks
#91. The idea of getting a, you know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my cock right now seems like almost a productive act.
Bill Hicks
#92. We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country-How're we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?
Bill Hicks
#93. I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious ...
Bill Hicks
#94. Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves ... After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
Bill Hicks
#95. 'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style.
Bill Hicks
#96. I don't know what you all believe, and I don't really care ... but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks ... you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross?
Bill Hicks
#97. Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god's infinite love.
Bill Hicks
#98. And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it.
Bill Hicks
#99. It's really weird how your life changes. Tonight I'm drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know?
Bill Hicks
#100. No one knows what it's like ... to be a dustbin ... in Shaftesbury ... with hooligans ...
Bill Hicks
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