Top 100 Philips Quotes: Famous Quotes & Sayings About Philips

#1. I am selfish, father? Because I will not become the thing I despise?"
"And narrow, Philips, to despise what you do not know."
"I am to be a painted popinjay! I tell you, sir, Cleone may take me as I am!"
"Or leave you as you are," said Sir Maurice gently.

Georgette Heyer

#2. It was enough to disillusion a man, Red Philips remarked, if a man were silly enough to have illusions. Red

James Brady

#3. Where's Philips?" he demanded. "Or this ship's surgeon?"
"Philips went below to tend the men there. Their surgeon is no longer in possession of the lower half of his body. I believe he is presently indisposed with the business of dying.

Alexandra Bracken

#4. First Blood Rambo knife by Jimmy Lile. It features a saw, a guard with straight and Philips screwdriver heads, holes in the guard for a wrist lanyard,

David Morrell

#5. Consider your duty done," said Mannerheim, looking back into his expanding incision. Philips

Robin Cook

#6. Philips, whose touch harmonious could remove The pangs of guilty power and hapless love! Rest here, distress'd by poverty no more; Here find that calm thou gav'st so oft before; Sleep undisturb'd within this peaceful shrine, Till angels wake thee with a note like thine!

Samuel Johnson

#7. The United States, despite an active ideology that preaches equality, in fact has the most unequal distribution of wealth of any industrialized nation (Philips, 1988). The top one percent of the population controls over 70 percent of the wealth, and the top 5 percent control over 90 percent.9

Dhati Lewis

#8. A well-conceived product excels at what it does. It's close to being functionally flawless - like a Ziploc bag, a radio from Tivoli Audio, a Philips Sonicare toothbrush, a Nespresso coffee maker or Google's home page.

Gary Hamel

#9. Look at yourself, you're old, too, but still doing your work. This is what we are, Philips. This is what we are.

Waheed Ibne Musa

#10. I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.

Emo Philips

#11. All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there's so many real reasons to hate others.

Emo Philips

#12. Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.

Emo Philips

#13. I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

Emo Philips

#14. I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

Emo Philips

#15. A little bit more than totally.

Douglas Philips

#16. A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ... "

Emo Philips

#17. Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.

Emo Philips

#18. I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

Emo Philips

#19. Save the Planet ... Buy Organic

Nancy Philips

#20. Frankly, accepting the family's unique qualities has done wonders to help my own sanity.

Carly Philips

#21. every dream she had ever had, like delicious fruits, and then left her alone to discover that every one was poisoned.

Sabrina Philips

#22. You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers ... damn anthropologists.

Emo Philips

#23. My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know ... You break it, you buy it.

Emo Philips

#24. Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.

Emo Philips

#25. My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

Emo Philips

#26. I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet.

Emo Philips

#27. They have a sign at the beach, "no glass bottles". I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.

Emo Philips

#28. I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.

Emo Philips

#29. I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.

Emo Philips

#30. Studious of ease, and fond of humble things.

Ambrose Philips

#31. I don't know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I'm fairly confident that I'll be taken off of it for one.

Emo Philips

#32. I try not to talk during the day when I have a show that night. My voice is my instrument, just like a saxophonist's instrument is his saxophone, plus also his voice, if he's the one between tunes that makes announcements.

Emo Philips

#33. I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

Emo Philips

#34. When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

Emo Philips

#35. Some mornings it's just not worth it to chew through the leather straps.

Emo Philips

#36. People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Emo Philips

#37. Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.

Emo Philips

#38. I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

Emo Philips

#39. I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!

Emo Philips

#40. Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?

Emo Philips

#41. I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.

Emo Philips

#42. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Emo Philips

#43. Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

Emo Philips

#44. I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

Emo Philips

#45. In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

Emo Philips

#46. When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

Emo Philips

#47. Never judge someone until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do judge him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

Emo Philips

#48. In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted "should I yay him or nay him?" pantywaist ever again.

Emo Philips

#49. I find too there are few Friendships in the World Marriage-Proof; especially when the Person our Friend marries has not a Soul particularly capable of the Tenderness of that Endearment ... we may generally conclude the Marriage of a Friend to be the Funeral of a Friendship ...

Katherine Philips

#50. I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.

Emo Philips

#51. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I'd got out.

Emo Philips

#52. The hardest thing is to give up something you love, for the sake of Allah. But remember Allah never takes without giving something better.

Bilal Philips

#53. When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.

Emo Philips

#54. You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!

Emo Philips

#55. I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.

Emo Philips

#56. The flowers anew, returning seasons bring; but beauty faded has no second spring.

Ambrose Philips

#57. England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

Emo Philips

#58. Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.

Emo Philips

#59. I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

Emo Philips

#60. When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.

Emo Philips

#61. I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.

Emo Philips

#62. Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Emo Philips

#63. Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

Emo Philips

#64. I don't know if I have sexual magnetism or animal magnetism, though sometimes I'll find a squirrel stuck to my forehead.

Emo Philips

#65. Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

Emo Philips

#66. I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes "Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen."

Emo Philips

#67. My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

Emo Philips

#68. My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

Emo Philips

#69. I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.

Emo Philips

#70. Because we allow handguns. When you know someone in the crowd might be packing a rod, it can't help but rush your timing.

Emo Philips

#71. My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.

Emo Philips

#72. When I was young, my father had a serious heart attack. He
survived, but we lost our house and car. Under the Canadian Medicare
system, though, we would have kept the house and car and would have just
had to pay the inheritance tax.

Emo Philips

#73. You call it getting robbed, I call it food delivery.

Rosi. S. Philips

#74. If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

Emo Philips

#75. Writing jokes for others is like having babies for someone else. It's sad. Like the woman who gives up her baby but needs to be close so she secretly becomes the maid in the household.

Emo Philips

#76. I was sick of people making fun of my hair and so I cut it off and I've got much more attention than ever before. It was like when Mona Lisa was stolen from the Louvre in 1906 - three times more people came to see where it used to be.

Emo Philips

#77. I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.

Emo Philips

#78. My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.

Emo Philips

#79. The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said If you'll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you've been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference.

Emo Philips

#80. I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'

Emo Philips

#81. You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.

Emo Philips

#82. Longing to feel his hot flesh against mine, I roughly remove his jacket and start unbuttoning his shirt. I manage to successfully unbutton two, but my patience wanes, and I roughly pull open Jacob's shirt, sending the remaining buttons scattering across the room.

Emily Rose Philips

#83. I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.

Emo Philips

#84. Ambiguity is the devil's volleyball.

Emo Philips

#85. It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.

Emo Philips

#86. People come up to me ... concerned ... that I'll reproduce.

Emo Philips

#87. I'll do anything for my wife, it's turning out.

Emo Philips

#88. My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

Emo Philips

#89. There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'

Emo Philips

#90. I'm not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?

Emo Philips

#91. Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.

Emo Philips

#92. Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

Emo Philips