Michael Mcintyre Quotes

#1. There are only two conditions where you're allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it's snowing or the death of a celebrity.

Michael McIntyre

#2. I'm glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it's not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.

Michael McIntyre

#3. I had a much better fantasy life, than a real life.

Michael McIntyre

#4. I loved Transformers when I was a kid.

Mike Shinoda

#5. I've got a little baby, I made him ... He doesn't speak, he's 2 ... He's a slow learner, he's only got 2 words ... car and map ... I'm slightly worried he's trying to escape. If his next word is passport we are in serious trouble!

Michael McIntyre

#6. Normally you have news, weather and travel ... but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel.

Michael McIntyre

#7. Seek always for the best words and the happiest expression you can find.

Lord Chesterfield

#8. They had to ask spain I think, they've had to say to Spain, can you lend us some stuff for the roads, and it's Gordon Brown phoning up going 'pass the salt'

Michael McIntyre

#9. My wife and I both made a list of 5 people we could sleep with ... she read hers out and there were no surprises ... 1 George Clooney ... 2 Brad Pitt etc ... I thought 'Ive got the better deal here' ... 1 Your sister

Michael McIntyre

#10. So you're mother? Nice to put a name to a face.

Michael McIntyre

#11. When once you realize all that it cost God to forgive you, you will be held as in a vice, constrained by the love of God.

Oswald Chambers

#12. Scriptures are as 'helping problem'. Scriptures only give directions. Scriptures are like a thermometer. Can you grind a thermometer and give it as medicine?

Dada Bhagwan

#13. A sad truth is that we don't know what we really believe! We don't know how we operate. We don't know what is holding us back. We don't know why we do what we do.

Maddy Malhotra

#14. I have the most ridiculous TV crush on Michael McIntyre. I fell in love watching him on 'Britain's Got Talent'.

Geri Halliwell

#15. She was more frightened of the stallion than she was of the Baron.

Julie Garwood

#16. Ironically, I am reliably informed that Michael McIntyre doesn't actually have a "man drawer", and invented the concept in order to ridicule ordinary people, for whom he has nothing but haughty contempt.

Stewart Lee