Top 100 Mallory's Quotes
#1. Silence reigned.
Well, except for Mallory's thundering heartbeat. She was in an attic loft, flat beneath her Mr. Wrong. Her common sense was screaming flee! But her secret inner bad girl was screaming oh please can't we have him? Just once?
-Mallory
Jill Shalvis
#2. A sea of people in red crowded around it. I looked at
Mallory's black hoodie and my gray sweater and realized we'd forgotten to wear the school colors. Oh, well. There was always my hair.
Kim Harrington
#3. For a thorough understanding of rowing, for the what, the how and the why, the books making up Peter Mallory's The Sport of Rowing certainly do it all.
Anita DeFrantz
#4. A gripper of a read ... Silence revives the cliff's-edge drama of those Jazz age climbs and drives home the tragedy of Mallory's death.
Bruce Barcott
#5. Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
Mallory Ortberg
#6. After I do my first writing of the day, I will generally look at Twitter and Google News - and that's my big media secret. I look at Twitter and I look at Google because they pull all the headlines from other websites.
Mallory Ortberg
#7. Most of us, however committed we are to our ideals, will find ourselves every now and again reading an attention-grabbing headline from the Daily Mail or some other lowest-common denominator. That's not the same thing as frequenting a site like the white supremacist Stormfront.
Mallory Ortberg
#8. You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
Mallory Ortberg
#9. you're damn right it'd be something caves of ice and ancestral war voices prophesying about damsels and sacred rivers screaming beware and your hair would float and ugh hang on two seconds there's a guy here
Mallory Ortberg
#10. Because it's there.
-George Mallory, one of the first climbers to attempt Everest, when asked why he wanted to climb it. (He disappeared into a cloud near the summit in 1924, where his body was found in 1999.)
Stephen Bezruchka
#11. Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
Mallory Ortberg
#12. Let's get your face washed and fix your hair," Catriona said. "My mother used to say that will make ye begin to feel better."
"Mine said that too, but it won't help this time."
"Well, my mother also said that wallowing in misery never fixed a thing.
Margaret Mallory
#13. haha must have been a weird typo it's illegal to hunt men but exhilarating
Mallory Ortberg
#14. I'm on Twitter a lot of the day because I really like Twitter. It's great for jokes. But when I'm writing, I can't do anything else. I can't even listen to music. I just have to write, and then I can do something else. I can't multitask.
Mallory Ortberg
#15. It's so, so awful for my entire body and my spine and my hands, and I have a perfectly good desk to write at, but I don't care. I love writing in bed.
Mallory Ortberg
#16. There's no specific mission statement for the 'Toast.'
Mallory Ortberg
#17. Her pride had once been a mile wide. So fierce and strong that she'd thought she could survive on the trait alone. The constant ache in her belly, the desperation, Kenny's fate ... all had shown her otherwise.
Anne Mallory
#18. When you don't do your job, you get fired. That's your warning.
Mallory Monroe
#19. The highest of the world's mountains, it seems, has to make but a single gesture of magnificence to be the lord of all, vast in unchallenged and isolated supremacy.
George Leigh Mallory
#21. One must conquer, achieve, get to the top; one must know the end to be convinced that one can win the end - to know there's no dream that mustn't be dared ...
George Leigh Mallory
#22. Catcher snorted. "If we're not playing naked Twister, we're wasting our waking hours."
"Yep," Mallory said as she tugged him down the sidewalk, "that's the love of my life. He's a romantic at heart.
Chloe Neill
#23. Anyone who thinks it's funny to name their network "Tom'sHugeEtc" is going to think it's funny that one of his neighbors is also named Tom and is embarrassed by it.
Mallory Ortberg
#24. I spent the first 22 years of my life absorbing everything, like a big disgusting cell, and now I'm disgorging it with jokes added out into the world. That's a really gross metaphor.
Mallory Ortberg
#25. He's twenty-nine. And what did you think he was going to look like?"
She shrugged.
"You know-old. Grizzled. Long white beard. Scruffy robes. Loveable, smart, a little absent minded."
I bit back a grin.
" I said 'sorcerer,' not 'Dumbledore.' So he's hot. It could be worse.
Chloe Neill
#26. You read a lot?" Galina finally asked.
"Yes. It's an escape into another world." She tried to keep her words light instead of sad, thoughts of her family in her head. "Sometimes that is the best part of a hard day.
Anne Mallory
#27. No one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It's a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly off to take a cruise just to see you get married.
Mallory Ortberg
#28. I'm of the opinion that it is always a kind and appropriate decision to get in touch with someone who's lost a loved one to remind them that you're thinking of them and have fond memories of the deceased.
Mallory Ortberg
#29. When I think of Emily Dickinson, there's not one particular poem of hers that jumps out, but I do have a very vivid image of an ill woman with giant eyes who wants to write about the sun exploding.
Mallory Ortberg
#30. Did you know that, pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on Earth? It's true. Moose are very in tune with their natural surroundings.
Mallory Ortberg
#31. It's funny because when I'm outside Australia, I never get to do my Australian accent in anything. It's always a Danish accent or an English accent or an American accent.
Mallory Jansen
#32. The duke's eyes were dark, but there was a glaze there. Pride in his dark son.
Anne Mallory
#33. One of the things that would be great is to some day have so many women comedy writers that we wouldn't say there's just one type of female humor. There's lots.
Mallory Ortberg
#34. Later these tales would be retold and embellished by the genius of Mallory, Spenser, and Tennyson.
Winston S. Churchill
#35. It's an unfortunate reality of life that toxins are constantly building up in our bodies.
Mallory Ortberg
#36. Seriously, I'm totally weirded out by the girly nature of this conversation. And yet, it's kinda like you're growing up. Do you think Judy Blume made a book about adolescent vampires? Are You There God, It's Me, Merit? Mallory snorted, obviously pleased with herself.
Chloe Neill
#37. Don't mind Mallory. She's a sweetheart, once you get past the fact that she's a horrible person.
Rick Riordan
#38. And don't even suggest that these would be better off in Tiercel's hands. No, Tiercel has other things to do with his life. You, on the other hand, get to protect him. And guess what that makes you?"
"Stupid?" Harrier suggested. "Suicidal?"
"A Knight-Mage!" the unicorn cried cheerfully.
Mercedes Lackey
#39. I don't know of any way to control the subject of one's dreams although I'm fairly certain there are more than a few types of psychoanalysis dedicated to the topic.
Mallory Ortberg
#41. Someone who responds to "Please don't grope me" with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
Mallory Ortberg
#42. I knew how you liked long tales," he said, giving her a wink. "There's sure to be plenty of those."
"In Gaelic," she said.
"All the better for learning it.
Margaret Mallory
#43. Where the hell are you going?" says Bolan. "The trunk. Are we ... not putting her in the trunk?" "Why the fuck would we put her in the trunk?" says Mallory. "Well, that's usually where I put unconscious people," says Dord.
Robert Jackson Bennett
#44. You're so immature." "Blue hair. That's all I'm saying." "Bite me, dead girl." I showed fang and winked at her. "Don't tempt me, witch.
Chloe Neill
#45. I'm really not a journalist, and I don't do a ton of newsy pieces. Occasionally I'll write about something that's going on recently, but I really don't do a ton of stuff that's tied to current events.
Mallory Ortberg
#46. The In-Between somehow makes you feel grimy, like all those sights and sounds and sensations and smells have stuck to you, like you've been rolling around in a preschool art class's trash can.
Michael Reaves, Mallory Reaves
#47. Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that's all I want.
Mallory Ortberg
#49. My dad likes to recite the story of 'Pablo the Donkey' before dinner to teach us the real meaning of Christmas. Every year, it's the same; every year, we cringe!
Mallory Jansen
#50. You want some more?" Christa asked, her right eye drooping like an old lady's pantyhose. It was a sign that Christa was drunk. She said it was a form of lazy eye; I just thought it was hysterical and laughed although I tried to hide it with an inconspicuous cough.
H.P. Mallory
#51. Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
Mallory Ortberg
#52. Posing for these photographs was all part of the publicity machine - anything they could do to get people's names and faces in front of the public. They did all kinds of photos - swimsuit, people playing sports, cooking - that could be used in different sections of the newspaper and magazines.
Mary Mallory
#53. The assholes took their toll." "Assholes often do." "That's a Billboard Top Forty song waiting to happen." "Sung to the tune of 'There'll Be Sad Songs,'" I suggested, then offered up a lyric. "'There'll be assholes, to make you cry.'" "'Assholes often dooo,'" Mallory sang.
Chloe Neill
#54. So, that's okay. It's not like you're turning into an Endarkened or something, like Kellen's evil stepbrother Anigrel the Black.
Mercedes Lackey
#56. I have admired David Bromley's work for years. He possesses such a wild and vivid imagination and really sees the beauty in everything.
Mallory Jansen
#57. Yes. She got into a right state when she realized no one could read them, though. She's setting up some sort of literacy curse. Some of the boys want to know
is that like gypsy magic? Can you curse someone to read?
Anne Mallory
#58. This was what marriage was like, being able to look one's fill.
Anne Mallory
#59. If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care of one, it's very easy to not have a dog.
Mallory Ortberg
#60. It's the only way I know how to deal with Conan's BMS." "His what?" "Bitchy man syndrome,
H.P. Mallory
#61. As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.
Mallory Ortberg
#62. I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.
Mallory Ortberg
#63. Burning her husband's bed was a mistake. Alison could see that now.
Margaret Mallory
#64. Mallory Quinn was sweet, warm, and caring. She was a white picket fence and two-point-four kids. She was a diamond ring. She was someone's keeper.
Jill Shalvis
#65. But I'll admit that he's kind of offensively delicious"
"Like salt and vinegar potato chips"
"Exactly
Chloe Neill
#66. Ever so quietly, she inched closer to Vincenzo's corpse. Corpse. Such a nasty word. The whole business made her sick. Focus, Sophia, she reminded herself. Maybe there was a clue she could see if she got closer. "Not one more move, Miss Mancini." Without missing a
Ava Mallory
#67. Emotions are lovely. Even if they fall to the negative for a time. The sun will rise again another day. The sadness perhaps never forgotten, but a new day enjoyed in another way. A way that could not have been but for the sadness's existence.
Anne Mallory
#68. I love reading religious authors. Especially in the sort of circle I move in, people tend to be more secular, and I love reading books by just really smart people of religious faith. It's always a really cool perspective.
Mallory Ortberg
#69. Better to leave dreams behind and go forward with purpose.
Anne Mallory
#70. She thought back to what Roman had said. That the power rested in her lap. The problem was that internalizing that revelation also meant decisions could no longer be pushed aside.
Anne Mallory
#72. Long hair, for me, is actually less maintenance. I went through a phase when I was kid where I wanted a pixie cut. At the time I thought it looked awesome, but I look back and I looked like such a dork! When I have short hair, I feel like I have to blow dry it, or it doesn't sit properly.
Mallory Jansen
#73. Count this as a mere taste, sweetheart, of all the pleasure I can give you. Marry me and let me show you more. Be mine, and I'll take you on a journey the likes of which you've ever only imagined. ~~ Adam to Mallory
Tracy Anne Warren
#74. I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful.
Mallory Ortberg
#75. Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.
Mallory Ortberg
#76. The most successful Subway customers, of course, are the ones who can't keep their hands off their sandwich. Join your artist in the sandwich assembling process. That sneeze guard is a suggestion. That sneeze guard is trying to intimidate you into staying on the customer's side of the partition.
Mallory Ortberg
#77. It's one thing to be a high achiever; it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the "misfortune" to drive a bus for a living.
Mallory Ortberg
#78. Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences.
Mallory Ortberg
#79. Addicts sometimes have a penchant for becoming the center of attention at other people's celebrations.
Mallory Ortberg
#80. hang all mysteries the only mystery I want to solve is how much cocaine I can fit in my face the mystery of how much face cocaine I can have that's the mystery for me
Mallory Ortberg
#81. She waited until Jeremy's footsteps receded. "I didn't know you had a brother."
"Now you do." He continued writing.
"Do you have any other siblings?"
"No."
"Parents?"
"I didn't crawl out of Hell, if that's what you are asking.
Anne Mallory
#82. A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
Mallory Ortberg
#83. I can't do this," she whispered.
He nodded. "I know."
"I want to but I--"
"It's okay." He brushed a kiss over her jaw and then was gone, proving for the second time now that he was, after all, her perfect Mr. All Wrong.
-Mallory and Ty
Jill Shalvis
#84. There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.
Mallory Ortberg
#85. Catcher, you're a boy. I've known you for like a week." Two months, actually, but who was counting? "I've known Merit for years. I mean, the sex is great and all, but she's my BFF." - Mallory
Chloe Neill
#86. I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
Mallory Ortberg
#87. I slid Mallory a glance. "He's (Jeff) your test? He thinks anything with breasts looks good."
"Since you don't qualify, that's why I asked him over.
Chloe Neill
#88. Hey, heads up. The hottest doctor in town just came by and coerced me into telling him where you were. I folded like a cheap suitcase. Sorry, but he's hard to say no to. Don't be mad. I owe you a cupcake.
Jill Shalvis
#89. The Toast's audience is about 30-35 percent male, which shocked me because I would say that we actively try to discourage men from reading our site. Apparently, there's not insignificant number of dudes out there who think that what we are doing is okay.
Mallory Ortberg
#90. Acting politely in front of someone black and/or gay and then making horrible claims about their intelligence or worth as human beings after they leave the room is not kindness - it's hypocrisy.
Mallory Ortberg
#91. I took a moment before heading inside to share the evening's most important news in a quick text to Mallory: ETHAN EATS TOAST WITH A FORK. It took a moment before she responded. DARTH SULLIVAN = PRETENTIOUS HOTTIE, she responded.
Chloe Neill
#92. I love doing eyes - my signature look is a cat eye. I think it's so feminine, and it reminds me of old Hollywood.
Mallory Jansen
#93. I love the smell of a real Christmas tree - also, my mum's Christmas pudding with brandy sauce.
Mallory Jansen
#94. I understand what it is like to rely on beauty and know the shallowness of it ... Yet, it is impossible to say if you would have caught my attention the first time had you been plain and wrapped in brown. Thus remains the endless dilemma of beauty's impressionable curse.
Anne Mallory
#96. My history teacher could make us feel like he was imparting rare gossip to us when he was talking about Maria Theresa and the Habsburgs. I just loved that sense of - the Western canon is here, and it's gossipy and tawdry, and everyone is sort of goofy.
Mallory Ortberg
#97. I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who "despises" having sex with her husband - and men in general - may not be interested in men sexually.
Mallory Ortberg
#98. If I'm going to the gym or the shops to get food, then I don't need to do anything - I'll just put on a pair of sunnies, and that's enough.
Mallory Jansen
#99. first of all she's not my girlfriend second of all denmark is a PRISON
Mallory Ortberg
#100. Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.
Mallory Ortberg
