Top 100 Louise Rennison Quotes
#1. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on where you were sitting) Libby let off the smelliest, loudest fart known to humanity. It came out of her bum-oley with such force that she lifted off my knee - like a hovercraft. Even she looked surprised by what had come out of her.
Louise Rennison
#2. I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home. And when they came home I would have shouted, WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES???
Louise Rennison
#3. Through my curtains I can see a big yellow moon. I'm thinking of all the people in the world who will be looking at that same moon.
I wonder how many of them haven't got any eyebrows?
Louise Rennison
#6. Vaisey said, "Is it because your parents don't understand you?"
Charlie said, "No, it's because our parents understand us very well, and that is why they wanted us to go away.
Louise Rennison
#7. Overslept and had to race to get a life to Jas's with my dad. No time for yoga or makeup. Oh well, I'll start tomorrow. God alone knows how the Dalai Lama copes on a daily basis. He must get up at dawn. Actually, I read somewhere that he does get up at dawn.
Louise Rennison
#8. It was like being in an exciting movie, except I didn't know whether it was a romance or a comedy.
Louise Rennison
#9. I am so depressed and bored I may even have to do some homework.
Louise Rennison
#12. Jackie wears even more makeup than those scary circus people. You know, when you go to the circus and you accidentally see a trapeze artist close-up and they are orange.
Louise Rennison
#13. I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!
Louise Rennison
#14. When girls walk home we put on lippy and makeup. We chat. Sometimes we pretend to be hunchbacks. But that is it. Perfectly normal behavior.
Louise Rennison
#15. I gave my artistic laugh and also threw in some quirky language for good measure. "Lawks-a-mercy, no! I'm going to have a long bath and ... "
I looked shyly down. Which is pretty impressive to have done artistic laugh, quirky language and shyness all in the space of ten seconds.
Louise Rennison
#16. Oh Blimey O'Reilly's pantyhose...what is the point of Shakespeare? I know he is a genius and so on, but he does rave on.
What light doth through yonder window break?
It's the bloody moon, for God's sake, Will, get a grip!!
Louise Rennison
#17. As she left my room I knew I should shut up. But you know when you should shut up because you really should just shut up ... but you keep on and on anyway? Well, I had that.
Louise Rennison
#18. This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?
Louise Rennison
#20. You're fourteen years old. You've only had that hair for fourteen years and you want to change it already! How bored are you going to be with it by the time you are thirty? What color will you be up to by then?
Louise Rennison
#21. I could have stayed holding on to Masimo and riding round forever, round and round, like that bloke on that doomed phantom boat, The Flying Dutchman. Of course there are differences - he was not on a scooter, and I don't have a beard and I am not Dutch.
Louise Rennison
#22. Or if I truly gave up I could be like Wet Lindsay. When Robbie dumped her she got all pale and even wetter than normal. She was like an anoraksick. (A person who is both very thin and wears tragic anoraks.) I just made that up as a joke. Even though I am very upset I can still think of a joke.
Louise Rennison
#23. I am going to keep my mind (well, what's left of it) occupied by doing (and I never thought the day would come when I would say this) my homework.
Louise Rennison
#24. Who knows what goes on in my mind? I will be the last to know. Even
Louise Rennison
#25. Does it matter that the sausages are local? I'm just going to eat them, not make friends and go to the cinema with them.
Louise Rennison
#26. He has a song in his heart for me. I hope it is not Shut Uppa You Face, Whatsa Matta You.
Louise Rennison
#27. Angus is amusing himself by ambushing the postman. Och aye, they may have taken his trouser snake addendums, but they cannae tak his freedom!!
Louise Rennison
#29. Out on the moors,
The lonely moors,
I roll around in sheep poo.
Heathcliff, it's youuuuu,
I hate you, I love you tooooo.
Let me in, I'm here, it's meeeee,
Catheeeeeeee.
Look out of your windooooow.
Louise Rennison
#30. He said, 'Hi, gorgeous,' which I think is nice. I admire honesty.
Louise Rennison
#31. And a secret inward voice in my head was saying (in a strange breathy voice ... ) Yes, yessss, I will pop round to The Blind Pig. I will 'pop' round because guess who lives at the Blind Pig? It is not a blind pig, it is Alex.
Louise Rennison
#32. What shall I say? I must tread a fine line between glaciosity and friendlinosity. With just a hint of 'you don't know what you are missing, my fine-feathered friend.
Louise Rennison
#33. There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do?"
I said, "Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana.
Louise Rennison
#34. The fly in her argument is that when she says, 'they' will feel like lemons, we don't know who 'they' are. And 'they' might BE lemons.
Louise Rennison
#35. When Mutti and Vati came in I didn't speak to them. I just unfurled the CAT MOLESTERS banner I had made.
Louise Rennison
#36. Rosie laughed in a not too reassuring way if you like sane laughter.
Louise Rennison
#37. Mr. Darcy was in Pride and Prejudice and at first he was all snooty and huffy; then he fell in a lake and came out with his shirt all wet. And then we all loved him. In a swoony way.
Louise Rennison
#39. You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick.
Louise Rennison
#40. I am going to become a writer for Cosmo - you don't have to make any sense at all. Or maybe I'll be a bloke, they don't have to make sense either.
Louise Rennison
#41. What in the name of Buddha's bra is he going on about now?
Louise Rennison
#42. Still, life carries on. Exams to be examined. Serious things to be thingied.
Louise Rennison
#43. What do you do with Sex Gods? Besides snog and worship them, I mean.
Louise Rennison
#44. I suppose this is what life will be like for me - never having a boyfriend, always just living through others
Louise Rennison
#45. I can already feel myself getting fed up with boys and I haven't had anything to do with them yet - Georgia Nicolson
Louise Rennison
#46. I said, "Do you think she thinks it's me?"
Jas said, "Well, it's pretty conclusive, isn't it? She said 'the most sniveling idiot I have ever come across.'"
I said, "I didn't know that YOU have been seeing Masimo. Tom the Slug King is going to be very upset.
Louise Rennison
#47. If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me!
Louise Rennison
#48. Unbelievable! I said, What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive- gate-crashing cocktail parties?
Louise Rennison
#49. As we passed a bloke playing a saxophone underneath one of the arches, he put down the sax and started doing a juggling thing with his hands. It was a bit peculiar, though, because, as I said to Jas, He hasn't got any balls.
Louise Rennison
#50. Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind.
Louise Rennison
#51. So, in conclusion, that is the moral of Heidi. 'Always push invalid chairs off the top of mountains when you get the opportunity.' The end. Excellent advice.
Louise Rennison
#52. Twenty minutes later, waiting for our luggage
I haven't seen anyone who hasn't got a moustache yet.
And frankly that is not attractive in a woman.
Louise Rennison
#55. In the end they worked out that Angus must have sneaked into Naomi's love parlor before his trouser snake addendums were, you know ... adjusted. Super-Cat!!! He is without doubt the 007 of the cat world.
Louise Rennison
#56. Tom is back on a flight at 6:15 P.M. That is 6:15. Do you get it? Not 6:00 P.M. but 6:15 P.M. And do you know how many minutes that is? I do. I have also become a Time Lord.
Louise Rennison
#57. He came over and ruffled my hair, which is technically assault. I could get on the blower to ChildLine.
Louise Rennison
#58. Honestly, what planet do these people live on? And why isn't it farther away?
Louise Rennison
#60. Campingfahrt means not, as you might imagine, an unfortunate incident with Libby in a tent ... . It means "camping trip." I think I have a natural talent for languages.
Louise Rennison
#61. He had everything a dream boy should have. Back, front, sides, Everything. A head.
Louise Rennison
#62. What if you were really meant to be with someone? But you kept messing about and having the Horn and so on and you lost them.
Louise Rennison
#63. Look, girls and boys are different. Girls like to be touched twenty times a day in a nonsexual way to feel good about themselves - that is why I tickle you and link arms with you - but boys think about sex, snogging and football, and also snogging whilst playing football. Simple.
Louise Rennison
#64. I always want to tell him everything. But
instead I said, "What's your advice, Horn -
meister?"
And he started doing pretend beard stroking
and said, "Well, luuurve is a many trousered
thing ...
Louise Rennison
#65. Dad has brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning! I said, 'Vati, why are you waking me up in the middle of the night? Are you on fire?
Louise Rennison
#67. Cor, love a duck. And also Lawks-a-mercy. I said that inwardly, but outwardly I said, Blimey, and also, what larks.
Louise Rennison
#68. My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?
Louise Rennison
#69. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, especially if you don't want to hurt someone. And you did. You said what you feel. And you must do what is right for you, not what other people say is right.
Louise Rennison
#70. Watching TV Mum said, 'Do you miss your dad?' and I said, 'Who?
Louise Rennison
#71. I don't think their mummy and daddy told them they were little sunbeams for Jesus.
Louise Rennison
#72. When uncle Eddie does his impression of 'Like a Virgin' it's like Madonna is coming out of his body!'
Christ what an image.
Louise Rennison
#73. I like the idea that I can talk to any teenage girls. You know, in a language that makes sense to them.
Louise Rennison
#74. Everyone is so obsessed with themselves nowadays that they have no time for me.
Louise Rennison
#75. And the kittykats would have to erect scaffolding and a pulley to get him down. Mind you, I wouldn't put that past them. Sometimes when they are behind the sofa supposedly purring, I think they are drilling.
Louise Rennison
#76. But I can be a very kind and caring person, especially if I am about three thousand miles away in a different country.
Louise Rennison
#77. Your soul shines through even if you haven't got mascara on
Louise Rennison
#78. I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.
Louise Rennison
#79. Apparently if you want to get a boy to like you, you go sort of mysterious and icy and cool. That's what my cousin said and she has loads of boyfriends and snogging-type experiences.
Louise Rennison
#80. I've never had anyone say they love me before. Libby lobes me, that is true, but there is something a bit menacing about the way she says it.
Louise Rennison
#81. What in the name of Hitler's panties and matching bra set was she talking about?
Louise Rennison
#82. Anyway, then it said on the news, 'And tonight the Prime Minister has just got to Number Ten.'
I looked down at Jas and said, 'Ooer.' Meaning he'd got to number ten on the snogging scale. And then we both laughed like loons.
Vati just looked at us like we were mad.
Louise Rennison
#84. Who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs?"
I said, "Come on then, they are down here."
He said, "Tallulah, the answer to who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs is ... me!!!!
Louise Rennison
#85. Dave said, "Tarts' wardrobe?" "Loos." Dave said with sort of admirationosity in his voice, "Outstanding" midnight
Louise Rennison
#86. I put my arm around her and said, Jas, I have found that when you are troubled, it is often better to think of others rather than yourself. I think you would feel much better if you got me some milky coffee and jammy dodgers and I told you all about me.
Louise Rennison
#87. Better start planning my wardrobe for the Luuurve trail. What do the Hamburgese wear?
Cowboy hats, I suppose.
Louise Rennison
#88. As I have often said, she has two styles of acting: with or without the beard.
Louise Rennison
#89. Look, I can't go out with you, because ... because ... because I'm a lesbian.
Louise Rennison
#90. Lord of the Flies is so boring ... and so weird. I always thought boys were very very strange, but I didn't think they would start eating each other.
Louise Rennison
#91. I've said it once and I will say it again, why can't everyone just speak English? The Americans give it a bit of a go - why can't
other nations?
Louise Rennison
#93. You STUPID stupid girl. Honestly, you have done some stupid stupid things in your time, but this takes the biscuit of stupidity.
Louise Rennison
#95. Heathcliff. The "hero" of Wuthering Heights. Although no one knows why.
He's mean, moody, and possibly a bit on the pongy side. Cathy loves him, though. She shows this by viciously rejecting him and marrying someone else for a laugh. Still, that is true love on the moors for you.
Louise Rennison
#96. The tannoy is crackling but I can only hear heavy breathing and snuffling.
...
Uh-oh, the tannoy is crackling again.
Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, I momentarily lost hold of my pie.
Louise Rennison
#97. Everyone is so bloody keen on me thinking all of a sudden. It's not what I do.
Louise Rennison
#98. This soft grass suggests 'softness' to me, but also at the same time 'lying-down-ness'.
Louise Rennison
#99. I know there is an unseen power at work of which we have little comprehension, but I don't really feel I can consult with Jesus about my basoomas.
Louise Rennison
#100. How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?
Louise Rennison
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